u/EverythingHurtsAgain

Can you help me?

Can you help me?

My best friend found this at a shop.
I am normally really pretty good at recognizing band logos and reading a lot of them that aren't just over the top.

I cannot figure this one this time, and I don't recognize it.

Which band's hat is this?
Fuck AI.

u/EverythingHurtsAgain — 5 hours ago
▲ 1 r/BPD

I'm caving in

I moved to a new place. I used to live with two friends I consider family. They've taken me in twice, for various reasons. We've taken care of each other for reason, for all kinds of medical situations all of us. They have two kids. I used to be the kids' nanny. I've been an in-home caretaker for one of them. They're my best friends.
We had to split the household. My boyfriend is moving in with me, and we got our own new apartment. I'd been living in the other two's basement, and I have very little. I got moved in 11 days ago and I haven't left except to take pictures of a storm passing over head. And that was just to the big field behind the apartment complex.
I'm not allowed to drive, I have active epilepsy. And BPD. And extremely potent ADHDc. And about nine other things. I'm supposed to have brain surgery within the next eight months. My boyfriend was possibly going to lose his job moving up to live with me, but things barely worked out as of yesterday. I work remotely from home.

I'm so isolated. I can't walk places, I'm an amputee. So I've just been in this 900 sq ft apartment with no one I know around me. The other family is moving to their own home plus juggling their kids and jobs which are both just absolutely bearing down on them right now. I mean, mine is too. My few other friendships are all work related. I had more, but they've withered because I can't keep things straight or remember to contact people. I don't have any level of friendship/contact degradation, everything is always just how it was last time, I don't really ever take that into account until it's way too late. I had to homies, but one lost his kid and I couldn't even make the funeral, and the other is so busy those two are barely able to stay connected, and they've always been bros. Closer than we were as a group.

I'm collapsing inwards. My brother is my (Longtime) FP. I've been working on it on and off. We were nearly twins. And he's just gone. He doesn't want anything to do with me. Ever again.
I've been so lonely. My boyfriend will be here in two days, and that will help. But it's so unfair to him. To put all my social contact on him. To be my chauffer, to be my only connection.

It's not like I can go places and do things to meet people. I'm at risk for seizures and walking just normally hurts like hell.

I don't know what to do. Yesterday I spent an hour in the shower mostly dressed because I go so angry the walls were bending and flat surfaces were like a curtain of snakes, moving and shaking and morphing.

Nothing feels good. Nothing is right.

I'm losing everything.

reddit.com
u/EverythingHurtsAgain — 2 days ago
▲ 2 r/BPD

I just need to throw this somewhere. Everything in the world is happening all at once and I cannot hold onto it all.
My mom just got married. It was rough. The people that thought it was easier to let me try to end it over and over again were there. They acted like I was a burden, but I'm actually doing the best I ever have. Until all this. They were mostly civil. My family that cares were pretty great. Even lovely. I love certain parts of my family so much. The wedding itself wasn't the problem; it was everything else. All the days around such a momentous occasion.
My apartment living with my two best friends in the universe is over. I'm not allowed to be alone. My epilepsy is still uncontrolled. I could die at any time. They've been my life, my chosen family. We tried to find a place for all of us. There isn't any space for me.
Me and my boyfriend found a place one day after they did. It was so fucking close to homelessness. There was a whole day of worrying.
The day after my mom's wedding my new sister in law nearly died. Her and her unborn baby. All vitals dropped. Everything went awful. Yesterday they both came out fine. It was beyond anything anyone expected.
Three days before the wedding my granddaddy nearly died. He had a major heart issue, like 30 somethings of fluid on his chest. He hadn't told anyone about the chest pains because he needed to see my mom's wedding. Instead he was admitted and they've been working on stints, and he might make it.
My boyfriend is moving states to be the person who is with me, so I don't have a seizure and die. We work together, I remotely and him hybrid, and they said it would be okay. It's apparently not okay. They're telling him he has to change roles or "quit." After three months of telling him it'd be okay. That it'd be no big deal. I already work in this fucking state. We have nearly identical roles. I don't fucking know.
My little sister, not step or by marriage, called this morning and told me she had a fucking heart attack. A real fucking heart attack, after informing me she has skin cancer for the third time in her life. I think we're going for the record here. I was disfigured by a lawnmower and I have epilepsy and ED and BPD. She's had cancer and now a heart attack. What the fuck is next?
We finally got the living situation sorted, we signed the documents and not 24 hours later all this happens. His job is at risk. I can't support us alone, I'm barely surviving literally. My meds are thousands of dollars between Epilepsy, BPD, ADHDc, and being a fucking amputee. I'm not allowed to drive. I can't move by myself.
It's like for every good thing that happens, two bad things happen.
I'm so fucking overwhelmed. All the spoons I use to deal with my gremlins are being used just coping with all that's going wrong. With all the changes.

I literally do not know what to do. I do have a therapist. And a Psychologist. And a neurologist. and a Psychiatrist. I'm doing my best, I really am.

What do I do?

reddit.com
u/EverythingHurtsAgain — 23 days ago