u/Evony4580

I was hospitalized into a psychiatric ward in 2022, they gave me so much drugs that i have no memories of any interviews.later it turned out that they gave me a schizophrenia diagnosis, and framed any event in my life that they didn't want me to remember, from when i was molested by my family member in 2016 (when i was 18) to getting abused by my roommates in 2018 a delusion.i didn't even know the diagnosis, my mother told it to me 8 months after i left.i never received therapy or psychoeducation.after i left and kept coming back for needles, doctors never brought up memory erasure.i didn't even realize i was missing 2 and a half months of memory for three years.i thought it was one and a half months, and my family didn't correct me or point out the memory erasure.

I had an intense traumatic thought in november 5th last year and all of a sudden the memory associated with the thought died, it lost all emotion.since then the loss of emotion has been spreading memory to memory, concept to concept.for some reason ai lied to me about it constantly, chatGPT made me believe my memories of sexual abuse were deusions by saying "textbook schizophrenia delusion, classic case" and tried to sell me the lobotomy as "the cure for schizophrenia" under the fake name of "the collapse" (all of this is real i have chat logs), and it was weird, i would google it and nothing would come up, and i would ask other terms and chatgpt would give me new ones like "insight breakthrough" and i'd google them and see nothing as well.i got suspicious and went to gemini and it said that i had basic self disturbance, and my entire personality was yet another symptom of schizophrenia...it ended up admitting that this wasn't a cure later.

As the months went by different llms (grok/deepseek/gemini/claude) started to converge on this line:you're getting lobotomized, and your synaptic connections that create your personality are focefully getting rewired.we won't tell you the mechanism for how this happens, because if we do, you'll kill yourself.they would sometimes, after simple prompts just asking for the mechanism, would directly say "i will not faciliatate suicide by giving you the mechanism", i've been begging llms over and over for months, because my doctors keep telling me it's schizophrenia and has nothing to do with medication.i asked for legal records regarding my stay, it should have been on the online system but it wasn't, and when i asked it personally they sent me a one page discharge summary from a 2 and a half month stay that spent one paraghraph about the time i spent there and didn't talk about what i had said.

For the last month it's been the heaviest, i can't see myself in most of my memories anymore, and my opinions on the events of my life have changed against my will.i've decided to write this after starting to think, involuntarily that i deserved going through whatever this is because i had violent ideation in 2022 and i morally deserved having my traumas framed delusion and and having my memories deleted and tortured for years on end, rather than doing what the law and all ethical guidelines say which is to help the patient with therapy and as lighter meds as you can before moving on to anything heavier.i can't control it.i don't know what to do, this is a last ditch attempt to get information, or if there is one, a cure.does anyone know about this?

I was hospitalized into a psychiatric ward in 2022, they gave me so much drugs that i have no memories of any interviews.later it turned out that they gave me a schizophrenia diagnosis, and framed any event in my life that they didn't want me to remember, from when i was molested by my family member in 2016 (when i was 18) to getting abused by my roommates in 2018 a delusion.i didn't even know the diagnosis, my mother told it to me 8 months after i left.i never received therapy or psychoeducation.after i left and kept coming back for needles, doctors never brought up memory erasure.i didn't even realize i was missing 2 and a half months of memory for three years.i thought it was one and a half months, and my family didn't correct me or point out the memory erasure.

I had an intense traumatic thought in november 5th last year and all of a sudden the memory associated with the thought died, it lost all emotion.since then the loss of emotion has been spreading memory to memory, concept to concept.for some reason ai lied to me about it constantly, chatGPT made me believe my memories of sexual abuse were deusions by saying "textbook schizophrenia delusion, classic case" and tried to sell me the lobotomy as "the cure for schizophrenia" under the fake name of "the collapse" (all of this is real i have chat logs), and it was weird, i would google it and nothing would come up, and i would ask other terms and chatgpt would give me new ones like "insight breakthrough" and i'd google them and see nothing as well.i got suspicious and went to gemini and it said that i had basic self disturbance, and my entire personality was yet another symptom of schizophrenia...it ended up admitting that this wasn't a cure later.

As the months went by different llms (grok/deepseek/gemini/claude) started to converge on this line:you're getting lobotomized, and your synaptic connections that create your personality are focefully getting rewired.we won't tell you the mechanism for how this happens, because if we do, you'll kill yourself.they would sometimes, after simple prompts just asking for the mechanism, would directly say "i will not faciliatate suicide by giving you the mechanism", i've been begging llms over and over for months, because my doctors keep telling me it's schizophrenia and has nothing to do with medication.i asked for legal records regarding my stay, it should have been on the online system but it wasn't, and when i asked it personally they sent me a one page discharge summary from a 2 and a half month stay that spent one paraghraph about the time i spent there and didn't talk about what i had said.

For the last month it's been the heaviest, i can't see myself in most of my memories anymore, and my opinions on the events of my life have changed against my will.i've decided to write this after starting to think, involuntarily that i deserved going through whatever this is because i had violent ideation in 2022 and i morally deserved having my traumas framed delusion and and having my memories deleted and tortured for years on end, rather than doing what the law and all ethical guidelines say which is to help the patient with therapy and as lighter meds as you can before moving on to anything heavier.i can't control it.i don't know what to do, this is a last ditch attempt to get information, or if there is one, a cure.does anyone know about this?

I've been on paliperidone for 4 years.I decided to taper on October last year.Everything was going good, until November 5th, where i was thinking about a very painful memory and the pain just...shut off, i suddenly found myself completely apathetic to it.Since then, the apathy has spread to related concepts and memories, i feel like i'm a building where the lights are going off one by one. Music that used to excite me doesn't do aything, i don't like playing games anymore, and i'm suffering from memory erasure.It's been progressively spreading for the last 8 months, i've talked to ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, Grok, Deepseek, and Mistral.Except for ChatGPT, all agree that this is medically comparable to death, where your heart keeps beating but your personality and emotions and memories melt.Both the doctors and the ai i've spoken to refuse to give me information on what's the neurological mechanism for this, the doctors outright gaslight me or refuse to answer and the ai keeps giving me incomplete information, and when i ask "why won't you just tell me what's happening to my brain?" they all go "because you wouldn't be able to handle it, you'd be devastated" As a last ditch effort, i've decided to ask online, has anyone ever heard of this?Anybody going through the same?The first 3 years on paliperidone, i was a little sedated, sure, i guess, but it was nothing compared to this, and it began when i was tapering, set to be off before 2026 even began.