r/MedicalPTSD

TLDR I had a surgery as a kid on my butt and the experience was rly violating and I still feel crazy and disgusted to this day.

As a kid i had been always been prone to pimples on my butt but when I was 11 i had one get infected. I was away with my family to visit my grandparents who I already have a bad relationship with. This pimple started out just a little painful but quickly became so bad I could not sit.
My parents took me to some doctors who told me I needed to go the hospital immediately for surgery. At this point I was rly stressed but then came to worst parts.

When we got to the hospital the doctors examined me naked in front of my parents and I remember feeling so so scared because they were poking around my butt and my dad was just watching his pubescent daughters naked body be poked at. also casually bringing up the possibility that the infection could have already spread to my blood and give me blood poisoning and they said I would have to stay in the hospital a few days. They also said they were going to basically stick a tube up my butt to empty everything out. I remember leaving the hospital shaking and crying but my parents didn't notice and didn't think it was a huge deal. In fact they met a friend outside the hospital and started chatting casually while I was spiraling in my head feeling helpless and alone.

I think the surgery was the next day and I don't remember too much but I just remember the feeling of terror I had when they brought me into the OR. I was naked under a gown and they laid me on the weird contraption that would expose me naked (idk how to explain it. All I could think about was them stretching me cheeks open and laughing or something (keep in mind I had just started puberty so l was at a peak of insecurity and at a point where I was embarrassed of being naked in front of anyone and ashamed of my body already) And then I remember the doctor giving me an iv with the anesthesia to go to sleep but it was so so painful I wanted to scream before going unconscious. Oh forgot to mention that another factor that made this experience horrendous was that apparently my anesthesiologist who was in the room during the surgery was my grandparents friend ( can't go into the whole thing about my grandparents but they all gossip a lot and are manipulative and critical and have said some awful things to me) which disgusted me because he was an old man that was going to be watching me naked and I was so scared that they would make fun of me later etc.

ANYWAY... after the surgery I was in bed for three days and then came the absolute worst part for me which was on the day they wanted to discharge me, they brought to a room with my parents and a few med students and pulled down my pants, took of the bandage to show my parents (and everyone fucking else in the room) how they would have to clean the wound every day for like a week I think.

Not only did I not know this was going to be a thing (my parents injecting disinfectant or whatever into an open wound in my butt) but when the doctor did it that day to show my parents it was the worst pain I think I have ever felt. Nobody asked me if it was okay or told me what was going on. They just stripped me down spread me open so that my mom my DAD and a bunch of young adults could watch my whole vagina and butt and hear me screaming.

And then that was it. We left the hospital and went back to my grandparents house. And for week after my parents continued to inject that liquid pain into me. I've never had such an invasive experience that felt so weirdly violating.

Sorry for this very long vent. Any validation or similar stories would be rly appreciated. I just feel so crazy bc it kind of felt like assault and I’ve been raped and tbh this felt worse.

I'll try to keep it brief. I was hospitalized for about 3 days after my parents found me cyanotic and unresponsive. I know no one \*wants\* to be in the hospital, but I have a ton of medical trauma from repeated sexual assault that happened with a nurse when i was hospitalized as a teenager, and was in a state of panic almost the whole time. I wasn't intentionally being nasty and wasn't physically aggressive, but from the little bits I remember, I sure was unpleasant/difficult to work with, and they were doing their best.

Now that I'm at home and stable (and have little bits of memory coming back) I am feeling overwhelmingly ashamed by my own behavior. Would it be appropriate (or possible) to send a message somehow that at least some of the medical staff who worked with me might see? Just something brief like "I'm sorry for how I acted when I was under your care. My protest and refusal behavior was related to previous trauma, and fear that I wasn't going to make it out alive. Thank you for your care, kindness and patience, and keeping me alive and as comfortable as possible, despite me not being a very pleasant or easy patient to work with. I will try to manage myself better in the future".

I would love to send something like flowers or a treat, but due to finances it's limited to a note/card/email. Let me know if you have any ideas of the best way to go about this, or if I should just leave it alone and try to do better in the future. Thanks in advance.

So, I met with a new psychiatrist today. Initially, they were all for prescribing me an MAOI (since I've tried so many other meds).

But as the meeting went on, I described how significant my trauma was/is. The conclusion that they/we came to (at least, in the moment) was that my depression/anixety were/are a direct result of my trauma/PTSD.

I'm reflecting on the meeting now, and I'm asking myself, "does it really matter why I'm depressed/anxious?"

I mean, I know this means I'll need trauma therapy (which I'm getting), but it doesn't mean meds won't help, right? And SSRI's have made me feel flat while SNRI's made me anxious (I'm sensitive to norepinephrine).

My eye was/is on Nardil (Phenelzine). My psych thinks I'd do better on Propranolol and psychotherapy.

Idk what to think. I have depression (atypical), anxiety, AuDHD, OCD, Tourettes, PTSD, and trichotillomania.

Any advice/suggestions?

Thank you 🙏🏻

I just cannot believe how hospitals and doctors are now. It’s mind blowing and feels like they got their education on ChatGPT or Google. They don’t listen, and they think you’re lying.

I recently broke my knee by doing…nothing. So, I was in my living room and I was just standing there with my 6 month old daughter in my arms next to my couch. It was 9:00pm at night, and was trying to calm her down to get her back to bed. Literally just standing there when out of nowhere, loud pop, my knee cap shoots 90degrees to the left and instant pain. I was holding my daughter and didn’t want to drop her, so I managed to take a step forward and set her on the couch before dropping like a sack of potatoes and screaming in agony. I am 6’2” 180lb, early 30s just to give an idea. I don’t have any health issues, never had knee issues or anything like that before in my life. Didn’t do anything crazy that day, didn’t work out that day, was actually just a chill at home with the baby day.

Anyways, the pain was so bad I was passing out. Didn’t want to call 911, my wife was freaking out though. I was just riding out that initial pain wave and would determine next step. It was late too, so I definitely didn’t want to deal with a hospital stay middle of the night. I decided to ride out the night. It was bad, I couldn’t bend my leg. Every tiny vibration felt like my leg was going to fall off. By the morning my leg was 2-3x size from swelling. So, decided to go to hospital finally.

I get there, do the check in, wait in the lobby for 4 hours, get vitals, and they do a quick x-ray and call me back for Doctor. This doctor comes in just in a bad mood… and look I get it, I know how people coming to hospitals can be… thinking they know everything, they googled the issue so they know what’s wrong etc… I get it.

Doctor says, well they don’t see anything, here is a little brace, you probably just sprained it, maybe a little dislocated. I’m like… I wasn’t doing anything at all besides standing there… but whatever. Tells me stay off it for a few days, I’ll be fine. I’m like, this pain is bad… I’ve had a lot of things happen in my life. I was shot twice when I was 18 in my shoulder and arm, I’ve broken ribs, worst, blah blah and this pain on my leg was the worst ever. I’ve heard knee issues can be worst pain, so I was like okay… sure. They didn’t give me a prescription for anything at all. Again… whatever, I’ll just take ibuprofen.

Go home. Days pass by, and I’m on day 5 now. It’s worse. Way worse. My leg is purple and red now. In my calf, and my foot/ankle are deep purple and red. Throws me into a panic. This is like… a major blood clot sign. I go back to the emergency room. Tell them what’s going on, again. Another x-ray. This time I get this super young doctor, which whatever… I’ve met some very intelligent young doctors. This guy was training someone also. He starts checking my leg out, and says… well looks like you fractured your ankle, or bad ankle sprain. Huh?! I’m like… I don’t have any ankle pain. None. Nothing happened with my ankle. Says well when you hurt your knee you probably fell and hurt your ankle. I’m like… definitely not. Another doctor comes in, and mentions possible blood clot. So they send me for an ultra sound to check if blood is flowing the way it should in my leg.

Now this ultra sound tech seemed to also be having a bad day, or hated his life. They start upper thigh, and this guy presses down with the wand SO hard, like pushing down to the bone hard, and it’s making my jolt because the pain is so bad. Every time he tries, he pushes HARD. I’m like what the hell, never have I seen an ultra sound have to be pressed this hard. He gets mad, says if I can’t stop moving then he can’t do it. I’m like dude… you’re pressing down ridiculously hard, it is literally involuntary. He cancels it and sends me back to hospital room. Doctor comes back and says same stuff, I’m like i don’t know what’s up with your tech, but that is far from normal. Says they will give me pain meds and try again. So, they give me a pill wait a bit, and try again. Same thing. The pain is indescribable. It’s making tears run down my face. Cancels it again. I’m like getting pissed at this point. Doctor starts suggesting I’m pain med seeking. If I don’t do this, I may die from blood clot. I’m like fuck your meds. This is ridiculous. That is not fucking normal. They have no one else that can do it in entire hospital. I say I’m done, and I’m leaving. They have 3 doctors trying to convince me to stay, I’m like no, not unless there is someone else. So I have to sign a waiver that says they aren’t liable if I die when I leave.

I get referrals to a sports injury specialist. Appointment isn’t for 4 days. I was so stressed out for 4 days, seeing the color of my leg, the pain I was in etc… thinking I was going to die.

Finally get to sports doctor. They do an x-ray. He immediately comes in, says he sees 3 broken bones around my knee. I had to get an MRI and also found torn and stretched ligaments etc… also got an ultrasound sound, and this tech did it no problem. Didn’t need to press in, took 10 mins. Easy no pain.

I am now scheduled for surgery. Said it will be. 6-8hour surgery. They have to use stuff from a cadaver to create a Way to secure my knee cap in place and prevent it from happening again.

This doctor is awesome, and knows what he is doing. He is shocked that I didn’t do anything to cause the damage. I luckily caught it on video through my home camera in my living room. Literally standing there and it was like I got hit as hard as possible with a bat right on my knee. He can’t explain how that would happen as he sees guys that get tackled full speed in football with this type of injury or less. Scary stuff. I am terrified of surgery, and a long surgery at that.

Sorry for the long post. I am just pissed at what our hospitals have become. It’s like they instantly just assume things, wouldn’t listen to anything I say, or think I am drug seeking. I still haven’t gotten a single prescription for the pain. Which, whatever at this point. Still, I’ve had so many sleepless nights because the throbbing pain is unreal. I wish this on no one.

Just… what the hell is up with these hospital doctors now. It’s bullshit. They couldn’t even be bothered to watch the video showing the whole accident.

Thanks to whoever reads.

Last year I had 2 c sections in one pregnancy. The first one in february - they got all the way to the uterus and decided to stop and sew me back up. I was open on the table for so long that the epidural wore off. The pain was so horrible I almost fell off the table while being told by the male doctors to " just push through we're almost done "

For the next month I had a growing moving kicking baby inside me. Hurting me every minute of every day by kicking, moving or sitting on my scar. The fresh scars being continuously stretched as he grew.

For the next month - while attempting to heal - I was tested on against my will. I had no body autonomy - " we need to do it for the baby ". It was absolutely torture.

A month later I started bleeding out. I bled out internally for almost 48 hours. No one believed me - they tried to discharge me but I refused.

At the end of the 48 hours I was given an Ativan - I was told I was just being anxious. Less than 10 minutes later my placenta abrupted. I pulled the call bell, waited 20 minutes and was told it was not enough blood and to get back to bed. When I stood up I had a second abruption - thank god the nurse witnessed this time so they had to believe me.

They then proceeded to wait 40 minutes so my husband could arrive.

Once in the ER the anesthesiologist attempted and ART line 7 TIMES before I passed out. I could feel every attempt, I could feel all of the blood coming out of me. Everyone just stood around and held me down.

I woke in the ICU.

I didn't speak for a month after that. I was back and forth between my house and the NICU - not one person caught on - or maybe the just didn't care - that something was wrong. During this I was also pumping every 3 hours to delivery milk to my baby because they made my husband sign a note stating that if I wouldn't do it they would give my son donor milk. At the time I wasn't educated on what that entailed and therefore couldn't fathom someone else feeding my child.

I made a suicide attempt afterwards because I couldn't understand why they did this to me. 9 months later I was finally diagnosed with PPD and PTSD secondary to medical trauma and significant birth trauma.

Every month I get my period and every month I have to relive this.

Oh yeah - my baby was born flat with an Apgar score of 2 and needed to be resuscitated. We were never told - I found out when I took it upon myself to request our medical records. Medical records that are incomplete and they refuse to hand over.

I just don't understand.

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for advice on whether I have a potential case against the hospital. Here’s what happened:
In October 2025, I was in a very serious car accident and airlifted to a hospital. I had exposed fractures in both arms (humerus and wrist with plates), all ribs on the right side broken plus several on the left, severe liver bleeding requiring two surgeries, a collapsed lung with chest tube, and bilateral pneumonia. I was in the ICU for a full month.
While I was in the ICU, in extreme pain and completely vulnerable, a nurse verbally and physically assaulted me. I had been calling for help because I needed to be repositioned due to the pain. When he finally came, he yelled at me, struck me hard in the chest (directly on my broken ribs and where the call button was), and told me “it doesn’t matter how many times you call, I’m not coming.”
My husband was on the phone with me at the time and heard the entire interaction (almost 10 minutes). The charge nurse and other staff had to physically remove him from my room.
I also experienced other serious neglect during that stay, including being left in my own feces for about 40 minutes after repeated calls, and another incident where I was left without oxygen while struggling to breathe.
After the incident, hospital staff told my husband and me they would conduct an internal investigation, but we never received any follow-up or information.
This event caused me severe PTSD on top of my physical injuries. I am currently in weekly psychiatric treatment, and my therapist says the trauma has significantly interfered with my recovery.
I filed a formal written complaint with the hospital about a month ago. They sent a generic acknowledgment but have not provided any real response or updates.

I can’t get my head around that incident. It is affecting in a very serious way. What should I do next?

I've been sick all my life.

When I was twelve, I ended up becoming extremely sick. My life-saving medication had failed and I was in a state of metabolic acidosis for days before my dad picked me up under the shoulders and carried me to the hospital.

We waited there for six hours. I was slipping through his hands, in the waiting room, a man who was there with his wife got so concerned that he started yelling at the nurses to HELP THIS CHILD!! He got told to shut up or security would be called. I waited in a life threatening condition for six hours.

Nobody came to see me.

When they finally did, it was too late, and I was rushed off to Resus.

I have severe memory loss ever since, and fuck, I have fragmented memories that still dominate my life. I had to be resuscitated.

Next to me, my dad said - that there was someone else, a teenage girl, getting the full code. I don't remember anything from that night except for the excruciating pain.

GOD, CAN YOU FREE ME FROM THESE MEMORIES?????

I have post Intensive care syndrome.

I have severe depression.

I have post traumatic stress disorder.

I had psychosis caused by the experience. Nobody knew at the time until we connected the dots.

All diagnosed. I was in a psych ward for a year after trying to kill myself, and that was my fourth time. I've attempted over and over again and never got to the point I needed CPR again.

I became obsessed again when the kid next to me in the hospital when I was there after slitting my neck, went through a full code.

Little girl.

Brown hair.

January 12th, 2025.

I've been fucked up since I was twelve. I can't watch medical shows, when an ambulance siren goes by I've tried to jump out of moving cars and been restrained. I take pills to sedate myself to sleep each night. I inject myself with increasingly larger doses of medication even though I'm not suicidal, I'm just obsessed with being reanimated.

Any mention of CPR or anything to do with reanimation, even something like walking by a defib, makes me vomit. I've lost 10kg just this year because I've stopped eating properly. It gets better, then worse.

I've been in the hospital three times in the past three months from collapsing due to my illness, and that just -

I need to get there.

I'm sorry Reddit, but in a couple of months, I'm going to force myself to go into cardiac arrest. I don't want to jump under a train no more, fall from a staircase, get hit by a car, I want to fucking inject myself with enough insulin to floor someone. My body's been so much weaker lately because my health is worse. I can't stand it. I'm holding up a job, I'm going to university, it's all hopeless.

It's been so much worse since my family told me what actually happened that night. Everything.

The truth is horrific.

Wish me luck, I'm going to kill myself.

GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!! SHOCK ME UNTIL IM FUCKING BURNT ACROSS THE SKIN OF MY CHEST FUCK

After seeing a doctor, I always go to the patient portal a day later and see what they wrote in the post-visit summary. It's enlightening, and gives me a second chance to process details I may have been too anxious to understand everything the doctor says.

This week I saw my endocrinologist for a regular check-in and when reading the post-visit summary I literally blushed. It was just SO trans-positive, supportive, declares the patient right up top as female, properly she/her gendering me throughout, and only in the boring technical parts near the end of the clinical section did it mention the fact I am transgender as a justification for the treatment.

It really gave me such a boost, and I needed it. This was only my second visit with him, and I just feel so safe and 'heard' afterwards, which is not how most doctors treat me. He even answered a non-urgent patient portal text message within a day - unheard of!

Shout out to the Good Doctors!

as a starter, please don't take this as me trying to convince people to not get an iud - everything ended up okay in the end, and my experience, as far as i'm aware, is pretty unusual.

also: tw for blood and reproductive health issues

i just wanted to share to get it off my chest and potentially commiserate with other people who have had poor iud insertion experiences that caused lingering anxiety and difficulties. this is just a rant about an extremely terrible experience, nothing more than that.

so a few weeks ago i (22f) had my first ever obgyn appointment with the intention of getting a pap smear and talking about some irregular periods. to start, i made very clear to my obgyn that i was quite nervous. i was interested in talking about other forms of birth control because the pill just really didn't work well for me and my obgyn seemed enthusiastic enough about it. i was NOT anticipating an iud insertion that same day, but she was all, "hey, if we're already in there for your pap, why don't we just throw one in?" i'm all for convenience and it was presented extremely casually, so i said sure.

next thing i know, i'm spread open. pap is over before i know it, a tiny cramp if that, maybe a 3/10 on the pain scale. she reaches for the iud and shows it to me -- "see? it's little! we just push these prongs into the uterus and you're set. she pushes it in. OUCH. 5/10 on the pain scale. she goes to clip the strings. accidentally rips it out. 6/10. grabs a new iud. tries to push it in. gets it finally. it expels. 6.5/10.

grabs a THIRD IUD. pushes it in. 7/10. i'm gritting my teeth and laughing and trying to be a good sport because it is what it is and i'd rather muscle through than ask for a break.

mind you, 20 minutes ago i had no idea i was getting one of these suckers put in. i have no pain meds and have had 1 iud ripped out of me accidentally, 1 expelled, and now one sitting inside of my uterus.

i sit up and the nurse and obgyn both look at my face (probably paler than a ghost) and tell me to lay back down. not one more word is exchanged between myself and my obgyn about the procedure, next steps, pain management, or anything else. she exits the room and says "i'll be right back" -- spoiler alert, she does not come back.

the nurse left to grab me some juice, and she stands outside the door while i drink it. i stand up when i'm done and look down.

there is blood STREAMING down my legs, and it's about to hit my socks. hell no.

i panic and run for the door but the nurse is nowhere to be seen. i start rummaging through drawers (probably illegal but i was desperate, i was not about to have blood between my toes) and finally find a tiny panty liner. that'll do, i think, and start wiping off my legs with one of those awful, stiff, brown paper towels by the sink. at this point, i'm still waiting for the obgyn to come back. it's been about 10 minutes so i start putting my clothes on.

now the pain hits.

and oh my god, i've never felt this intensity of pain before in my entire life. it was genuinely blinding, like the pain was so bad my eyes just stopped working properly. everything got all squiggly and bright, and i thought i was going to pass out. i left the room to see if the nurse was there, mostly to ask if i could leave. i parked a hell of a ways away and want to get to my car before this gets agonizing. two receptionist ladies are at the desk just outside.

"hey, do you happen to know where dr. [blank] went?"

"um, i think shes with another patient."

"okay, i was just wondering because she said she'd come back to talk to me more. is that true?"

"how should i know?"

fabulous. here come the tears now, because i'm starting to sweat from the pain and this woman is being rude to me for literally no reason. and why, why, why is she pretending like i'm crazy for being confused? the safety i initially felt is now gone, and i feel incredibly vulnerable.

"okay, so... can i leave?"

"um, sure? it's up to you. you can wait if you want."

and now i'm just confused.

the nurse from earlier turns the corner. "hey, are you okay?"

"yeah, um... is dr. [blank] coming back? she seemed to imply that she would."

"oh, i don't think so."

"okay. is there any chance i could get some ibuprofen?"

"of course! dr. [blank] will just have to approve that. maybe 30 minutes?"

THIRTY MINUTES? hey. i get it. but there's no way in hell i'm waiting that long.

"oh, okay. I'm just going to go home."

"do you have a driver? you still don't look so good." she asks. do i have a driver. WHY WOULD I HAVE A DRIVER! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU PEOPLE WERE GONNA DO THIS TO ME!

i told her no and that i would be alright on my own.

then came about 15 minutes of stumbling my way through this massive hospital complex, blood leaking through my panty liner and the most blinding, awful pain and cramps i have ever had the misfortune of feeling in my entire life. i had to stop and grab the wall a few times out of a genuine fear that i might pass out and hurt myself worse. i got passed by about a dozen nurses and doctors and not one asked if i was okay. i felt so unbelievably vulnerable and, actually, stupid. i felt stupid. and like i was being dramatic.

i ascended the 2 flights of stairs to my car in the parking lot, entered my car, and screamed. it was misery. i genuinely have no idea how i safely drove back to my house, but i did. i finally got some ibuprofen in my system and about an hour later i felt better but still not awesome. i am so lucky i didn't have any classes that day, otherwise i would have been toast.

anyway, holy shit that was bad. why on earth they would spring that on me so casually, i have no idea -- especially since the dr made a comment that my anatomy was apparently a little complex. plus why were the ladies at the desk so mean to me i swear to god i am doing my best gahhhhh people are just cruel for no reason.

i certainly don't like to throw around the word "traumatic" lightly and this isn't something i have talked about in therapy yet but i couldn't even wipe without crying (not due to physical pain, but as an emotional response) for about a week after that, i didn't let my partner touch me at all for several days, and never mind dealing with the bleeding and all of that nonsense while not being able to touch anything without tears. it was truly not great.

i think we as a society generally need to do better when it comes to women's care and reproductive health, but this served as a reminder to me that even the best female ogbyns (this dr came HIGHLY recommended to me by several women in my life) can make ill informed and potentially devastating choices about women's health, probably solely because there's not a lot of kindness given to women who have experienced traumatic/just unpleasant experiences with this kind of stuff. i dunno. rant over, i guess.

I complained to the hospital about my appointment with the head of neurology. Their response: We investigated ourselves and found we did nothing wrong. Here's the letter:

Dear Patient X

Thank you for speaking with me on May 30, 2026, regarding your concerns about the care you received at Hospital X. We were disappointed to hear that our services did not meet your expectations. The feedback of our patients is important to us, and I have summarized the steps taken to thoroughly review your concerns.

You reported a distressing experience during two neurology appointments with Dr. X, where you sought evaluation for stroke-like symptoms triggered by upper airway issue and neck rotation, supported by two Transcranial Doppler studies and a Dynamic Angiogram. Despite submitting all requested documentation, Dr. X claimed not to have received it, though you had proof of delivery and were asked to return two weeks later. Additionally, you were confused by the materials provided, which included information on two conditions you do not have.

During both visits, you were interrupted and observed inaccuracies in your medical history. Dr. X discussed unrelated conditions and used Google to screen for Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos, a condition you were already diagnosed with, causing you physical discomfort. You reiterated your chief complaint and Dr. X responded, "I don't buy. I don't buy it.", which you found dismissive and gaslighting.

After leaving your appointment early, you found the visit summary inaccurate and received a dismissive portal message, with no response to your earlier communication about your chief complaint of stroke-like symptoms with neck rotation.

As part of our comprehensive review, your concerns and requests were also brought to our Grievance Committee, which is comprised of leadership and physicians. Their review concluded there was no deviation from the standard of care that you received. This concludes our review. We appreciate your feedback, which is allowed us to re-examine our process and reinforce our commitment to safe, compassionate and patient-centered care. At X Hospital, We continually strive to improve, and feedback like yours plays an important role in that effort.

Thank you again for bringing your experience to our attention.

Hospital X

Has anyone else been dismissed like this? How do we even stand a chance when they decide this is acceptable?

hello, and sorry if this is a little disjointed. i have severe cptsd and a lot of that is from various medical traumas. because of this, I'm doubting myself over whether what I experienced a week ago "should" have been traumatic.

last week, I had my first ever dermatologist appointment. I've had a whole host of skin issues since i was a kid but I was severely neglected so I never got the chance to see a doctor about it until now. I was very worried about being touched, since a lot of my skin issues are in private areas (i strongly suspect inverse psoriasis & hidradenitis suppurativa) and I did not want to expose that to a medical professional without first building rapport and feeling comfortable with them, but I felt at the time I was being very brave and getting over my "irrational" fears...

the day of the appointment, I was stuck in a crowded waiting room for like 30 minutes. some random lady came out saying they had taken on too many emergency appointments and the nurse was so busy she wasn't even able to go pee (???)

then I had to wait 30 more minutes sitting in an exam room listening to children scream-crying in the next room over while I waited for the doctor to come in while they looped shitty hold music over a speaker in the exam room.

by the time the doctor came in the room, I was already extremely triggered and overstimulated (I'm autistic) and it was clear she was rushing through everything like crazy. she didn't ask me any questions at all and immediately started looking at my scalp and touching me. then she asked to see "the back"; i thought she meant the back of my neck, but she had me lift up my shirt and I just immediately froze up. she started moving my clothes out of the way and touching me. i should note I didn't come here for a skin check and at no point gave her express permission to look, touch, or undress me, and in the intake form noted that I'm autistic and have cptsd. I even told her this was my first dermatologist appointment and that I was nervous.

I'm also stealth ftm and haven't had top surgery, so I completely locked up when she started moving my binder out of the way and examining my breasts. i was panicking really badly at this point, but couldn't move or tell her to stop. she then asked if I could take my shorts off so she could see my crotch, and I very firmly told her I'm not exposing my genitals to her. I had to tell her this 3 times before she stopped badgering, and she got all huffy and looked very upset with me.

she then started infodumping to me about what she was going to prescribe me, without asking any questions about my symptoms or how I felt. when she disclosed one of them had a lengthy black box warning, I asked her what the warnings were specifically about, and she sighed and dismissed it & told me to "just look it up." at that point, I was so overwhelmed and upset I just up and left the exam room and cried & had a meltdown in the car.

i haven't been able to stop replaying it in my mind since then. i feel like i was violated and molested, but I also feel like I'm strongly overreacting just because of my cptsd. I'm planning on filing a report but I'm scared that nobody will take it seriously, because dermatologists are "supposed" to touch you (even though i never gave permission, she never told me what she was looking for or what she found, and i didn't plan on being touched or looked at...)

I've had trouble showering and changing my clothes since then, I feel absolutely disgusted with myself, I have been dissociating heavily, and I cannot stop thinking about what happened, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm just completely overreacting. I don't really know what I'm hoping to accomplish by posting this, I just want to know if anyone has had any similar experiences I guess, or any advice. sorry for the long post

I think it’s time for me to join in on the conversation here. A couple summers ago, I went to a residential treatment facility for young adult girls in Virginia - partly to help my mental health, but mostly to get away from my abusive family. It appeared to be holistic and I was going in with pre-existing PTSD.

Absolutely nothing that had been advertised for the place was available, and there was absolutely nothing that I was prepared to handle while being there.

The other girls and I were psychologically abused around the clock, sleep deprived, deliberately triggered, etc. The staff would stomp around us making loud noises and it would cause nearly all of the residents to have panic attacks. It was like we were animals in a zoo. Was a fucking nightmare. We weren’t allowed to talk to each other so we had to warn each other in code and by passing notes when the staff weren’t watching us - which was never. I was physically assaulted by multiple staff members, denied a shower, a bed, and my nightly medications on more than one occasion, basic amenities like toilet paper and towels were kept under lock and key… It just went on and on. It reminds me of those movies where the parents send their kid away to some reformative camp or school to fix their behavior and it turns out to be a totally evil set up that they have to escape with their bare hands because nobody else believes them when they explain what’s really going on behind the walls. I was denied discharge even though I had voluntarily admitted myself, so I had to pack up my shit and make a run for it.

I must have run about a half a mile to get to the main road and then nearly got myself killed while trying to flag a car down. I was terrified. Staff were in hot pursuit and even showed up with a van, yelling at me to get in. I got a driver to call 911 and well, from there, it actually got worse.

The police officers that arrived cornered me and did nothing but mock and taunt and humiliate me while I tried to explain what was happening. An ambulance showed up and I told them I did not need one, that I needed help getting away from the facility and how I was worried about the other girls. They could not have cared less and waited a good 10 minutes until I fell on my ass from exhaustion before stuffing me in the vehicle. I was stripped naked in the middle of the ER and changed into a gown when they unloaded me. Then I was essentially held hostage for the next 14 hours while all the doctors and nurses in the building completely refused to communicate with me. It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. I called my parents, but they didn’t care, my extended family didn’t care, I didn’t know what else to do. That was the end of the line.

Police showed up at around 3am. Yes, 3 fucking am. They handcuffed me and dropped me off at a psych ward. Didn’t even tell me where I was. I then was forced to rot away in there for a month while being denied my medications, and was further abused. Ironically, I was in much worse shape when they finally released me. Wish I’d never tried to get help.

I read the papers when I got out. The residential facility had petitioned for my lockup using made-up stories. The police did the same. The report said I was running around, being suicidal, and had laid down. In the middle of the road. Their justification for everything was that I was a danger to myself. My mental health has never been worse in my entire life.

So what was the real danger? Me? Or them?

TW: Very light mention of self harm. I tried my best to avoid traumatic topics and language.

Hello

I don’t know how to start this post but I just want to release some stress. I got Kaiser about a year ago through my employer.

I am someone that have severe mental issues but with the proper treatment my symptoms lower. I had to change my psychiatrist and therapist I had for years and help me through the darkest period in my life. From the moment I had an interaction with the Kaiser mental health system, it was traumatic. For context, I feel more safe in crisis stabilizations units and mental hospitals than with anything that has to do with Kaiser mental health.

They have called the police on me without telling me, denied my non controlled medication, not believed I was having a panic attack, and a Kaiser doctor told me I am unstable and will just “unalive” myself. I know mental health is something not everyone can understand especially when it’s more severe but this not have to treat mental disorders.

Sometimes I close my eyes and remember my old clinic. I remember the sweet secretaries saying hi to me, the nurse telling me I am wearing cute shoes and my psychiatrist believing what I tell her. I do therapy through Rula (Kaiser contractor) and I got extremely lucky to find my old therapist after going through multiple bad therapist. My therapist was not surprised about my treatment because she knows Kaiser is the worse. After years of therapy, I am finally getting over my childhood trauma but now I am confronting a bigger beast.

Every single time I need to interact with someone from Kaiser I get a burst of anxiety so bad that my mind leaves my body. In these couple of weeks I’ve been handling extreme stress at work, having to move, and even losing friends but nothing compares to Kaiser. What do you do when the people that are suppose to help you are hurting you?

At the moment I am trying to get an autism evaluation since multiple therapist and even my Kaiser psychiatrist think I might have it and should at least be tested. The autism psychologist, who I still haven’t spoke with, wants me to be mentally stable. I asked (who I assume was a secretary telling me this information) what does mentally stabled mean? She didn’t know what to say. I said what if I cry because of my sensory issues (which is an autism symptom) and she said that’s different. “Mentally stable” is something no mental health professional can diagnose you nor they should even tell a patient. My therapist needs to send a letter saying I am “mentally stable”. I asked so when my therapist sends that letter how long until I can get evaluated and she said we might deny it. I don’t get it.

Never in my life I have been treated this way. Now my option is trying to convince Kaiser to evaluate me even though they are destroying my mental health or pay 3,000 (which I don’t have) for a private assessment.

Sometimes I think about the poor souls trapped in the Kaiser mental health system. Souls who don’t know a better system. Souls who have shame, and self hatred because the system who is suppose to heal their wounds is just constantly stabbing them and blaming them for bleeding. If you made it this far, all I ask is to reach out to your loved ones struggling mentally. This system is broken and I wish we as people had to power to fix it.

I got my official diagnosis of HSD last week on the second appointment with my orthopedist. though, i believe i could have hEDS. they're still running tests and handing me off to see new doctors, so it's a never-ending cycle, as we, chronically ill people, know.

I've struggled with my health ever since I was born. saw dozens of doctors, got a thousand different tests done, and lately got some diagnoses, but it all felt somehow... unconnected. atopic dermatitis, hormonal changes, weak bones... it all came to a rare genetic disease called Mccune-Albright Syndrome, but not even that explained everything.

years later, I finally got diagnosed with HSD, and I feel relieved in a way, but... I don't think that's all.

over the years, I've grown almost numb to being called "anxious" and "hypocondriac" for being hyperaware and self-conscious about what my debilitating health could do to me. but I'm tired of it.

yes, I feel like an impostor sometimes. sometimes I believe it's truly all anxiety, that my brain is making me feel things that aren't there. sometimes I truly believe I'm faking it, that I'm coming up with things just to be seen. sometimes I believe I'm going crazy.

it's just so hard to be feeling things all the time and no one actually pays attention to it. every single doctor goes "it could be anxiety" or dismisses my pain for "normal" or "expected in my case".

I didn't \*choose\* to be born sick, to live in a body that betrays me. I don't \*choose\* to feel awful every single day. I just want to be normal, is that difficult to believe?

I need to talk to someone about this that’s not my sibling. I (27F) was admitted into the hospital for 6 days for a tetany attack caused by electrolyte imbalance which was caused by not being able to eat correctly cuz I had food poisoning. Two days out of the hospital, I realized I’m more aware of my heartbeat, breathing and if my muscles are twitching. Any time I feel a muscle twitch my heart rate immediately increases, my hands start tingling, my body starts shaking like I’m cold. I’ll wake up fine and try to go about my day but then I get a weird sensation and I start feeling like I’m doomed? It happens every other day and even the thought of me trying to calm myself down makes every attack worse than the last. I keep thinking I’m on the verge of asking a neighbor to drive me to the hospital (no car) as I’m mostly always home alone. It’s been 2 months and every time it happens i feel like I should go to the ER. But I can’t afford another hospital stay. I have a follow up at the end of the month and hopefully the anxiety goes away by then but I need some advice. I do the breathing, I do the yoga but the only thing that really helps is if my sibling lays on me (like a weighted blanket). I’ve always had anxiety but never like this where my body genuinely feels like it’s in danger. Thinking about therapy or something similar. This is my first Reddit post so bear with me please

How do people keep going after years and years of medical trauma? Genuinely I need to know.

The biggest impact was endometriosis. For 10 years I kept bringing up all my issues. Weight gain, painful sex. Extremely random periods. Sometimes I’d go 12 months without a period. After so many years the pain was every single day. My stomach was distended every single day and hard to the touch. Every doctors ran tests, had ultrasounds done, bloodwork done all that. Oh your fine, there’s no issues. The pain is from your anxiety and the weight gain is from poor diet and exercise. I was running 10-15 miles a week and eating fairly well. I was gaslit for years until I went straight to a surgeon and he immediately knew the answers. I cried leaving his office it felt like someone finally heard and believed me. It finally affirmed it was real and not just all a concocted conspiracy in my brain. 🧠

I’ve had gut issues for just about 10 years as well. I never know how my body will react.
Physically hot and sweaty, gut pain, gas, hives. It’s so many different foods as well so I’d have to be on a very limited diet to feel “fine” not to meant the bloating and distended belly never went away. I have again jumped through every hoop and test requested. GI scope, fecal tests, blood work, urine screens. They tell me there’s nothing wrong with me and I just feel like I can’t keep going. Food feels like an enemy but I can’t live if i can’t eat.

Hopefully I don’t sound like a maniac.

Ive had such an awful year, piling up full of trauma from hospitals and doctors. I was assaulted by my gynecologist. I feel so unsafe but I dont have a choice but to go back eventually because I need medical care. How do I get over this? I dont know how ill ever be able to trust a doctor again

I go in 8 months postpartum for PPD and PPA today. For context this man was an OB for 20 years before switching to psych which I figured would go really well or really badly. I start off my telling him my birth was rough and traumatic… to which he straight up looks me in the eye with a smile and says “but your ok now right?!” Excuse me sir but no…. I replied to him “actually I’m not, I have a lot of pain and pelvic floor issues that I have a referral to PT for but because of my history of childhood SA it’s super traumatic and triggering for me to go and get examined. I’m still working up to that.” Shut him up. Fuck him. That is all.