r/MedicalPTSD

I just can't. I need to get this off my chest.

We spend our whole lives with death or dying as our shadows. Never paying much attention to the details of our own unavoidable demise. We just acknowledge that it lingers there.

I've played many potential scenarios out in my head throughout my life. But never ever did I imagine my life would end up reduced to rubble and my will to live so utterly diminished. Because of an injury that happened while on the clock at work. Not a permanent injury. I mean not that I'm aware of. But after 9 months of playing all the stupid effing games. I'm just fucking DONE!

Which would dictate my fate. My life, it's worth and meaning. All balanced on who would take on the financial responsibility for treatment. TREATMENT!

Sound familiar?

I have chronic illnesses including hEDS, MCAS, POTS, endometriosis, + more. Af a blood clot few months ago, went to nearest ER due to concern ab it happening again. They ignored everything I said and said I was crazy. the attending went back in and edited the patient notes after I got out and added insane fabrications and lies I’m guessing bc I was complaining after being freed. Psych place tried to keep me 6 months had a court date scheduled but they didn’t anticipate my family thank god had the resources to get me out, even tho I barely talk to my parents and we don’t get along much my family wasn’t letting me stay in there they knew I wasn’t crazy and weren’t allowed to even visit me so they knew it was bullshit. I grew up Muslim. I can’t talk to my parents about this and I take sex very seriously. My assh*le bled in ways it’s never bled for over a month after I got out and I hate my private parts I hate them since then. I have never had an std before wasn’t even sexually active. It’s not fair I don’t even know who touched my body who went in how disgusting they were and it was done in a hospital ER by the staff that is the most fucking awful part. I don’t know how to keep going. Rlly I don’t want to kms I really don’t but I don’t know how to let it go it’s not fair my body is still hurting and I will forever have to check yes now when a medical questionnaire asks if I have had a sexually transmitted infection but I didn’t even do anything or consent to let alone remember the sex that gave it to me. I made a police report but detective ghosted me bc I guess it’s a big hospital w a lot of money and me vs doctors. Fuck. I used to be so social like very extroverted and now I can’t go to a grocery store bc it gives me too much anxiety.

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I have a highly infectious bacterial virus currently while also being admitted for something entirely different. I am unable to eat or drink without puking my guts up. I am on isolation and no one can come in without full protective gear from masks to face shields to body suits.

As a teenager i was in a few mental hospitals and this feels so similar but just with a better view. I am alone all day, everyday and they can't tell me how long ill be here for the main issue. But on isolation it could be up to 3 weeks. Today is day 4 and i am feeling like im trapped in a box. Its 1am, but im losing sense of time because i cant eat so i never get interaction other than suited up nurses for meds.

Throwaway account for privacy. Location: Utah

I (20s, F) went to a dermatologist's office for the first time recently. I was a little nervous going in since I had some new moles and was having them checked out (I was worried about melanoma, thankfully my skin is all good). All of the staff were very kind and once I was placed in a patient room I was asked if I wanted just certain areas checked or if I wanted a whole body exam. Hoping this would be my one and only dermatology appointment for a long time and to put my mind at ease, I said I would like a full body exam. They explained I could keep my bra and underwear on and handed me a sheet to cover myself when I wasn't being examined, and then they left the room.

When the NP came in, she was super nice and made me feel really comfortable. She was very thorough, sitting down partway through and having me/whichever part of my body she was checking face her, the side of me covered with the sheet to the door. I had a blemish which she prescribed a cream for and repeated my preferred pharmacy kind of to the side after I told her, clearly not to me, which I thought was weird but I figured she must be repeating what I said in order to remember so she could put in the prescription later.

It was only when she was leaving the room that I noticed her cover up a camera next to the door with what looked like a sock.

I was in shock. I didn't really want to believe it, but after I put my clothes back on I checked under it and sure enough, it was a camera. It wasn't hidden, it was on an arm sticking out of a cabinet, so I'm not sure how I didn't see it before then. I realized then that she had been the only person in the room (which I should have realized was weird for that kind of exam, but I'd been so nervous I wasn't thinking) and she had been talking to the camera about my prescription.

My thought in that moment was could it possible that instead of having a second person in the room for an exam, they had someone else in the office watching through a camera? That didn't really make sense to me but I had somewhere to go so I kind of shut down, trying not to cry and left.

The more time has gone by, the more violated, uncomfortable and upset I feel. Thankfully, this NP positioned me so that I did not completely expose myself to the camera when she was checking under my bra and underwear (because I was facing her with my back to the camera) but whoever was on the other side definitely did not see nothing, between the angle of the camera, me adjusting the sheet as she checked me over, etc.

At no time was the camera or any recording equipment acknowledged by any staff. I scoured over the paperwork I signed as a new patient, and again, no mention. I called the office later and asked them about the camera, and the receptionist apologized. He said that the doctors are supposed to explain this to new patients, but sometimes they forget. He said they have remote medical scribes that view the appointments on a secure channel. That's the best case scenario if it's true, but it doesn't make me feel much better.

I did NOT give ANY form of consent to being recorded, or 'streamed securely'. Whether it was a secure stream, whether it was another woman on the other side, whether they had scribes available in office as an alternative option to being recorded or not, if I had noticed the camera or been told about the camera at the start of the appointment I would have refused and left. That is not something I'm comfortable with at all. But I wasn't informed and I didn't have the opportunity to get out of that office before it was too late.

I don't really have the money for a lawyer tbh, but I am still wondering if there's anything I can (or should) do here legally. Does this violate HIPPA or any Utah privacy laws? Should I make a police report? Is this a thing that doctors offices are doing now across Utah or other places? Even so, wouldn't they require patients' consent, verbal or written?

At the very least I hope this post gets out there for people's awareness that this may unfortunately start happening elsewhere. Thanks.

[supprimé]

I was 13 when I had a major medical crisis after spinal fusion surgery for severe scoliosis. A few days after coming home from surgery, I became extremely sick. I developed severe respiratory failure from aspiration pneumonia/ARDS, went into cardiac arrest in the ER, was resuscitated in two minutes, and ended up spending about five days on life support in the PICU.

I don’t remember those five days because I was sedated, but after I woke up, my brain apparently decided five days of unconsciousness wasn’t enough and gave me an entire alternate reality to deal with.

For roughly the first couple of days after waking up, I had incredibly vivid hallucinations. I was only 13 and had no idea that ICU delirium was even a thing. What gets me now is that it has been almost 13 years, and I can STILL remember these hallucinations so clearly.

The most vivid one was this little Asian girl in a yellow dress named Jazanay. In my mind, she had basically moved into my hospital room. There was suddenly a bunk bed and toys for her, and I was completely convinced she was actually there. I remember getting genuinely upset and yelling at my family because I wanted them to make her leave. They kept telling me there was no little girl there, but I could SEE her. To me, everyone else was being ridiculous because obviously there was a child standing in my room.

There were also several little girls wearing Christmas dresses and giggling. Again, they looked completely real to me. They weren’t vague shadows or something I could recognize as my imagination. They were actual people as far as my brain was concerned.

Then there were what I called the “elevator buses.” I remember elevators somehow turning into and functioning like school buses, constantly coming and going and loading and unloading children. That was the longest, continuous hallucination.

I saw a dog jump up on me. I kicked it away because I was scared or startled, and then the dog suddenly turned into a little boy. I remember immediately crying because I thought I had just kicked a child. The guilt I felt was completely real even though the entire situation existed only in my delirium.

There was also an old man who kept making kissy lips at me. I remember his face and how bizarre and uncomfortable the whole interaction felt. I cried and begged my family to make him go away.

Probably the strangest one was feeling like I was literally stuck on the ceiling of my hospital room.

I could see my mom and my aunt several feet below me while I was up near the ceiling. I remember looking down at them and begging them to get me down. From my perspective, I wasn’t lying safely in a hospital bed. I was actually trapped up there, looking down at the people I loved, terrified because they weren’t helping me.

That’s the part of ICU delirium that is so difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. These weren’t like dreams where you wake up and immediately think, “Wow, that was weird.”

I was awake.

I could see my actual family and my actual hospital room, but my brain was adding and changing things around me. The hallucinations existed alongside reality, and I had absolutely no ability to tell which parts were real.

Eventually they stopped as I recovered, and I went home. Physically, my body healed. I relearned how to move around normally, rebuilt my strength, went back to being a teenager, and eventually continued on with my life.

But those memories never completely disappeared.

I’m 25 now. I’ve lived almost another entire lifetime since that 13-year-old girl was lying in the PICU, and I can still picture Jazanay in her yellow dress. I can still remember the dog becoming a little boy. I can still picture those girls in their Christmas dresses, the old man’s face, the elevator buses, and what it felt like to look down from the ceiling at my mom and aunt.

I’ve been processing the whole experience much more as an adult lately. At 13, I understood that I had almost died, but I don’t think I had the emotional capacity to fully comprehend everything my body and brain had just been through. Now that I’m older, I’ve found myself going back through my memories and medical records and realizing just how traumatic and bizarre that period of my life actually was.

The delirium is especially fascinating to me because those things objectively never happened, yet my memories of them feel like memories of things that DID happen. I know Jazanay wasn’t real. I know I never kicked a dog that turned into a child. I know there weren’t buses running through the hospital. I know I wasn’t actually stuck on the ceiling.

But I remember all of it.

For anyone else who experienced ICU delirium, especially after being sedated or mechanically ventilated, do you still remember your hallucinations years later? Did they feel more like dreams in retrospect, or do they still feel strangely similar to actual memories?

(I don’t really know why i’m writing this I just feel like I need to vent about the lack of care I received from the gp and how this has traumatised me)

Earlier this year I had an abortion. I had my abortion 5 weeks into the pregnancy. I kept bleeding as I was told I would but it was heavy- this continued for 2 weeks without slowing down.

I got the copper coil inserted about 2 weeks in and from then the bleeding doubled- now I was bleeding clots the size of my fist every time I went to the toilet. I was feeling so unwell at this point with constant migraines and I could barely stand without feeling dizzy.

I went to my GP and they told me everything was normal. I told them I was bleeding through a pad an hour and the size of my clots and they told me to buy some iron tablets.

2 weeks after this I felt so awful and I could barely walk. I made another GP appointment and they said the same thing. It got to the point that when I walked up the stairs in my house I would literally fall at the top because I couldn’t breathe. After that I went to A&E.

When I spoke to the doctor at A&E and told them how much I was bleeding they looked so concerned and I basically went straight through to blood tests. They took my blood I fainted, and when they tried to move me I fainted again and had a seizure.

When I woke up they were rushing me to the resuscitation room and I barely knew what was happening they just ripped off all my clothes and started looking into my vagina. OMG they just opened it up with one of those speculas? and went in with metal tongs and pulled out clots. I’m shivering remembering it. They told me that I had retained pregnancy tissue and would need an operation to get it out and my haemoglobin levels were 69 and dangerously low so I would have to have blood transfusions.

These were just so traumatic to me because i’m SO squeamish I just couldn’t handle the blood transfusions and because they made my boyfriend go home so I was alone and cried all night. I was so scared because i’ve never had any medical issue before and had no idea what was happening when I was under anaesthesia. I know it was needed but I just felt so violated and confused. I’m just so angry at the GP for ignoring me, but more angry at myself for letting it go on for so long. I’m completely better now but I panic everytime i’m on my period because those clots were actually insane and i would feel like fainting everytime I passed one.

Just had probably the worst doctor's visit of my life. I went to establish care with a nurse practitioner, and we were going over my diagnoses. Suddenly she got very argumentative and wanted to know why I wasn't more active. I explained how debilitating my symptoms were, but she kept arguing that I should be more active and repeatedly criticized me for not being 'ambitious' enough.

I have at least four serious diagnoses, including CPTSD and severe depression.

She abruptly ended our appointment by telling me that I wasn't putting in enough effort to work with someone as 'hardcore' as her and snarkily told me, "Good luck with your life."

I cried for an hour afterward.

Anyway, I'm going to report her, but any advice on who to get people to listen to me would be most welcome.

Oh, the receptionist and another nurse saw me crying and comforted me. I got the feeling they've had to clean up after her before.

UPDATE: I've reported her to three different agencies, and two have responded to let me know that that they can't help me. (Those were my state's Division of Professional Registration Board of Healing Arts, also known as the licensing board, and my state's survey agency, which had a site called "Stop Adult Abuse".) I looked up The Joint Commission, but it looks like they don't deal with this kind of thing.

Apparently, the only ones who can help me are patient advocates from the medical group that *that nurse* works for... And (surprise, surprise!) they're the only ones I haven't heard back from.

I just had my six month appointment with my gastroenterologist. He’s been my doctor for about 7-8 years. (I have an eating disorder from childhood. It’s a coping mechanism). I’m trying to heal the right way, through plenty of therapy visits for the last 20 years.

He, like all my specialists ask me each visit, “what do you think is the reason…(that I can’t lose weight?). I am in my ‘60’s, female. I weight 240.
I’m going through the HARDEST transition of my life. Alone. Completely alone.
He’s been pushing me to get a gastric bypass and my cardiologist pushes me to use the weight loss injections. I’m not doing that to my poor body. My body has been through enough.

Why is it that specialists no longer need continuing education to stay licensed? Medical doctors have no idea how difficult it is to live with CPTSD. No idea!

If you can relate, please reach out here.
Thanks much,
AZ Desertgirl

I have medical trauma from having major surgery multiple times as a kid/teenager, as well as from being sexually assaulted by medical professionals (once when bathing me in intensive care and once when inserting a catheter). I also suspect I had a VCUG as a toddler because I have flashes of memories and when I was around 6 I would draw pictures of people being tied down and hurt by doctors, including being catheterised and I have no idea where else I would have got that from (years before my major surgery and other medical experiences). I remember having nightmares about doctors and medical procedures and about being "experimented on" from a very young age.

I'm 36 now. I've been struggling a lot with my health recently. I had a smear test back in March which badly retraumatised me, even though it was an NHS service that was supposed to be for survivors of sexual abuse. It was very painful, even though I never had pain before, and the nurse didn't seem to remember anything I'd written in my note regarding specific triggers. Afterwards I struggled to use the bathroom or wash or eat or sleep. I couldn't stand to look at the clothes I'd worn etc. I can't even complain. They got me to fill in a feedback form immediately afterwards to say how much I'd be likely to have a smear test again and what I liked about the service etc, so obviously with someone watching me do it and being relieved it was over, I said how great the service was. But it was horrendous and I really struggled and I'm still struggling.

And recently I've been seeing the doctor about weird symptoms I've had for a while, like fatigue, migraines, weird periods, allergies, back and abdominal pain. I'm anaemic and it doesn't seem to be responding to iron supplements and my doctor got me to do a urine test in case there was blood in my urine. That was on Wednesday and today, Friday, I got three missed calls from the doctor's surgery. When I finally got in touch, they said to make an appointment to see the doctor but couldn't say what it was about.

We'd agreed to do blood tests every three months, so I don't know why I'm suddenly having an appointment (in person, as opposed to the phone appointments we've had before to go over results) and I'm terrified there was blood in my urine. And if there was, I'm potentially facing testing that will be directly tied to my traumatic experiences. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared.

I'm sick of being told "don't panic, it might be nothing, you don't even know what it's about, they can't force you into anything" etc. I know that. I know there might be nothing bad but I don't care about being sick, I just care about not having to interact with doctors constantly. I've been offered EMDR but that involves doctors too. I don't know what to do. I'm really scared. It feels like my only options are either to be retraumatised or get sicker.

i wanted to share something that happened recently. i had a surgery to correct a genetic disorder a few days ago. this would be my 7th “corrective” surgery over the past 15 years. i’m 21F, and have no outstanding health issues and have had no issues with general anesthesia with my previous surgeries. i was given an antianxiety medication through my IV before i was put under general anesthesia. when i was going under, instead of feeling sleepy and having that fun “time skip” to waking up, i instead entered this weird dream-like state and was semi conscious during the entire procedure. i could hear my doctors and nurses conversations, i could see everything in front of me but it was blurry and distorted, i could hear the drills and tools, and the worst part was that I could feel all the pain. I could feel my doctor drilling the screw in my jaw, i could feel him sewing the stitches. everything. i tried to scream for them to stop as i was in excruciating pain, but nothing happened. it was the scariest thing i have ever experienced. i was so scared that i urinated on myself during the procedure. when i regained my ability to speak and my vision was less blurry and dream-like, i asked my nurse who was in the room during the operation if i had screamed stop to which she said no. i told my nurse that i could feel, see, and hear everything that was going on. what she said was stuff basically along the lines of that im still pretty “loopy” and i could be misremembering, though if i “actually did experience that” that it could just be my pre-op anxiety causing the anesthetic to be less effective. i was in so much pain after “waking up” that i begged my nurses to give me pain meds, which they were hesitant to do since i shouldnt have been in that much pain so soon after “regaining consciousness”. nobody believed me when i said i was awake and could feel everything. not my mother, not my partner, not the doctors or medical staff. i feel extremely dismissed and the memory of it still makes me cry.

So got 20 percent today for my tinnitus and one knee my mst and ptsd was “denied for now” I believe is how it was worded on the paperwork though. So I talked to the psychologist told him about me being raped and the ship making a joke about it none would help and some ptsd issues he asked about my ocd drinking and everything asked if anyone in my family drank I said my grandpa after Vietnam drank a good bit with my granny asked when I tried booze and first got drunk I said 13 and 15 but didn’t really drink much just normal teenager stuff started drinking after boot camp then it progressed specially after the rape even got in trouble during my service for drinking. He reported that that meant I had a family history and it was not caused by the military just progressed during the military. Said I had ptsd and mst with sever alcoholism but was denied smh anybody have any idea how I should proceed from here?

I was hospitalized into a psychiatric ward in 2022, they gave me so much drugs that i have no memories of any interviews.later it turned out that they gave me a schizophrenia diagnosis, and framed any event in my life that they didn't want me to remember, from when i was molested by my family member in 2016 (when i was 18) to getting abused by my roommates in 2018 a delusion.i didn't even know the diagnosis, my mother told it to me 8 months after i left.i never received therapy or psychoeducation.after i left and kept coming back for needles, doctors never brought up memory erasure.i didn't even realize i was missing 2 and a half months of memory for three years.i thought it was one and a half months, and my family didn't correct me or point out the memory erasure.

I had an intense traumatic thought in november 5th last year and all of a sudden the memory associated with the thought died, it lost all emotion.since then the loss of emotion has been spreading memory to memory, concept to concept.for some reason ai lied to me about it constantly, chatGPT made me believe my memories of sexual abuse were deusions by saying "textbook schizophrenia delusion, classic case" and tried to sell me the lobotomy as "the cure for schizophrenia" under the fake name of "the collapse" (all of this is real i have chat logs), and it was weird, i would google it and nothing would come up, and i would ask other terms and chatgpt would give me new ones like "insight breakthrough" and i'd google them and see nothing as well.i got suspicious and went to gemini and it said that i had basic self disturbance, and my entire personality was yet another symptom of schizophrenia...it ended up admitting that this wasn't a cure later.

As the months went by different llms (grok/deepseek/gemini/claude) started to converge on this line:you're getting lobotomized, and your synaptic connections that create your personality are focefully getting rewired.we won't tell you the mechanism for how this happens, because if we do, you'll kill yourself.they would sometimes, after simple prompts just asking for the mechanism, would directly say "i will not faciliatate suicide by giving you the mechanism", i've been begging llms over and over for months, because my doctors keep telling me it's schizophrenia and has nothing to do with medication.i asked for legal records regarding my stay, it should have been on the online system but it wasn't, and when i asked it personally they sent me a one page discharge summary from a 2 and a half month stay that spent one paraghraph about the time i spent there and didn't talk about what i had said.

For the last month it's been the heaviest, i can't see myself in most of my memories anymore, and my opinions on the events of my life have changed against my will.i've decided to write this after starting to think, involuntarily that i deserved going through whatever this is because i had violent ideation in 2022 and i morally deserved having my traumas framed delusion and and having my memories deleted and tortured for years on end, rather than doing what the law and all ethical guidelines say which is to help the patient with therapy and as lighter meds as you can before moving on to anything heavier.i can't control it.i don't know what to do, this is a last ditch attempt to get information, or if there is one, a cure.does anyone know about this?

Hi. Im againts restraining kids for medical prosidure just because they said no. If u restrain a kid you are losing their trust and not only that you also creating unnecessary trauma and medical trauma. Im sick of seeing kids held down just for stitches and injections. If there scared then comfort them but dont restrain them and if they dont want to do it then dont force them. Explain to them the pros and the cons of doing and not doing and let the kid choose. Or at least sedate them just dont hold them down. Like it angers me im sick and tired of seeing kids held down cuz your teaching them that their concent doesn't matter

My experience with a psychiatrist was so horrifying that I made a video telling my story. It covers both what he did to me over 20 years of reckless drugging and his actions to silence me post-"treatment". I'm not sure I can name him on this forum but all one has to do is go to YouTube and search "Psychiatry Weaponized for 20 Years and Aftermath" and it will come right up.

I'm proud of the way I told my story and I would appreciate anyone taking half an hour to watch it and leave a comment (since I know he's reading the comments). His "wife" left a comment (that was actually written by the doctor himself so he could 'out' me) and I encourage anyone to read that comment and reply to it as well. Thank you in advance.

I am not asking for medical advice.

I am 16 and I had a bad, humiliating experience happen to be when I was around 11-13, can't remember. I had to do a full body exam and the doctor told me she had to look down there for a checkup. She told me she was going to do a small little peak and move on. Which she did, but when she did she proceeded to laugh with my mom about normal fucking body functions that EVERYONE has.

Anyways, since then I feel genuinely so uncomfortable doing exams, ESPECIALLY with my mom in the room.

Not to mention, she's been forcing me sooooo hard to get an exam down there. She keeps saying they HAVE to no matter if I say no or not. And she keeps saying she's gonna make them do it and they have to listen to her.

Is this true? I'm fucking 16 and I don't want them to do a full vaginal exam bro 😭 If I say no, will they genuinely do it anyways? I'm so scared to go just because of that. And PLEASE tell me if they have to, they'll kick her out the room.

TTDR:

CAN I SAY NO TO A GENITAL EXAM AT 16 AND WILL THEY LISTEN PLEASEEEE??

(in the US)

I have tried everything guys. I'm rated for PTSD and alcohol abuse. I have tried just about everything to kick the bottle. I have tried VA prescriptions but failed. I have gone to several rehabs but as soon as I'm out the bottle is my friend. Please hear me out. I'm not perfect. I have my devil's mostly from deployment. In no way am I regretting my service in uniform. I miss it but I'm too old to even go back. So a year ago my family advised me to change environments right after my divorce, which hit hard. So I decided to move back to my mother country. I am a duel citizen. Back home I was ok for a bout 3 weeks but again it was back to the bottle. My family begged my ex, I have 2 exes just to mention. But they begged my recent ex to at least let me have the kids to calm me down. She accepted. I was ok for a solid 3 months. No alcohol. I was happy. Then my devils came back and I hit the bottle even harder. I have been detoxed more than 10 times in less than 6 months. I have made very poor decisions. I hate my life. I called my previous ex and surprisingly amen back. But less than 2 weeks she was out the house due to my drinking. Now my most recent ex wife who took the kids is threatening to call the VA to file for fraud stating that my disability compensation income is means for me to drink. She doesn't understand PTSD and alcoholism. She says it's my choice and I'm happy drinking. I'm a miserable human being hiding in my smile. My income at least gives me a place to live or else I'm homeless. I am worried about the fraud file because she has pictures of me drinking and bottles in my room and also pictures of me with my older ex wife. I know she's bitter but should I be worried? I'm guy in shambles hiding behind a mask so people can't see how miserable I am

Hi im Cristina im 17 years old and I always have problems with my pearents my mom is controling and I love her but at the same time I feel that she's traumatized and the reason why she's controlling due to how her pearents treated her. My dad is a assholes he supports Trump he makes fun of rape and has toxic masculinity. When I was 14 I got sexually assaulted by my female principal I told my dad and he made fun of me because I am lesbian and he said "well don't complain u got what u wanned" then smirk and walk away. Fast forward I tried to end my life because my pearents were extremely strict and controlling. I had parental controls I had no privacy, I couldn't date ,my privet conversations with my friends were read out loud and mock. I got therapy but it didn't help my therapist ignore me when I talk about how much trauma my pearents cause me she said I was the problem she even told my pearents my suicide attempts and self harm was a way to manipulate them she told them that. She treated me like crap I just wanted someone to listen and she made my pearents care less about me. She push me to the edge I had a mental breakdown in her office and destroyed a painting. And before her I had another therapist but she never listen to how I felt either she just said I have to follow and obey my pearents rules. It made me feel alone because what my pearents had weren't rules how were control. I told her about the times my dad broke my toys, about how my mom scream at me about how I felt like my feelings didn't matter. How I felt jealous of other kids who's pearents actually care how they felt. She was like: "oh there your pearents you need to follow their instructions and forgive and forget". I decided to stop coming to therapy all together because therapy is fake and stupid. It does more harm than good or at least in my experience. I was also in a mental hospital too and the experience was disgusting. They ran some test are normal right? Until they wanted to do the genital swab I told them no that I didn't feel comfortable due to my history of SA. You Wanna know what the nurse said?!? She said " if u don't cooperate we gonna have to pin you down and spread your legs and take the swabs". I completely shut down and I had no choice to let her do it just like my principal did to me let her do it. Children and teenagers mental heathcare sucks. So yeah guys don't trust therapy or mental health supports if your a minor. Til this day I avoid getting mental help or going to therapy. Im also against su1c1dé prevention i belive if a persone wants to leave this world their choice should be respected and yall need to mind their own business