Salam,

as someone who grew up to be people pleasing (i did a lot of therapy); i went though a lot. So much that people can live a very nice life on my costs.

Is it possible to wish them hellfire in the next world? i am afraid that they wish me the same, angels. but i do not want to wish them kind, i dont wish them bad, but i do not want to be just gullible and say thats okay, etc..

Does anyone know sth about this from an islamic perspecitve? thanks.

Salam,

I am a 34 year old medical doctor, from Europe, single, and i live with my mother. I have four brothers who are married and we were once, before they were married actually a happy family, not perfect, but we had a great bond, my father died when i was 12 years old.

So, just to give you a quick background, we have a desi backgound and my mother is one of those woman, who cannot put boundaries, i turned better in the last five years and my elder brothers, who are married, cannot put them as well. They all got married to desi girls, they wanted to, we were not acceptable with one of them, one of them is from Pakistan and i am sorry to say this, but she is very catty and behaves like a princess, also here. The other one states to be a strong muslima, judges me for not wearing hijab or studying abroad but is the first one to sit in mixed weddings and yeah. the other one is totally unislamic, sits at the table with us and makes fun of the quran and what nonesense that is, cultural muslim. the other one is engaged, i already dont care about them,

The last sixteen years of my life i organised their big weddings, they had huge weddings for their daughters with the money from my mother who worked to jobs, i organised all the gatherings with big food and besides, what is the worst, i always gave up to comments like: you are the unmarried, you are this and that, etc, i spend my whole money on their children and when they fought with my brothers, they were coming to me to make them feel better , i was the judger and i did things for my brothers wives, that my own brothers dont know. we never visit them(because once we visited them, they said things like i loose hair on the floor and they hate that etc), not even on eid, they come, if they have problems that need to be solved from me, like medical issues, or money, or just good food. and i served them like a maid for 15 years. i noticed that i have the pattern to reject man, because i feel solely responsible for my mother, my brothers are already too involved in their own lives, they also do a lot of housework for desi man and they are often with their in laws. they actually live next to them.

i am sad about this, because almost every food that i eat with my mother ends up with a lot of resentment from me towards her, becasue i was never allowed to set a boundary, if i do so, i am a bad sister in law (i once said to one of my brothers wives,that i want a weekend for my own during my studies and i cannot cook for them; my brother almost hit me in my face). i was anywanys since then the bad sister in law.

what hurts me most, is, that i cry often about my life, i hate, that i have pity withmyself, and i hate, that they get away with everything they do, but i am not able to live my own life. i also cannot welcome any muslim man since i do not have a reliable mahram or wali, i dont know anyone.

at this stage i am just writing to ask you, how you would cope with this, i did a lot of therapy and it did not help. i was seven years in therapy and it helped me to do sports etc but not to somehow get over these woman, unfortuneately their own families do not care, they do not do paperwork for them or bring them food. they live their own life,

what would you recommend me, to live peacefully woth my mother, she is mashallah 70 years old but git miserably treated by them as well and now somehow by myself which i am ashamed and afraid of.how would i take this all into my own marriage one day?

Salam,

I am a 34 year old medical doctor, from Europe, single, and i live with my mother. I have four brothers who are married and we were once, before they were married actually a happy family, not perfect, but we had a great bond, my father died when i was 12 years old.

So, just to give you a quick background, we have a desi backgound and my mother is one of those woman, who cannot put boundaries, i turned better in the last five years and my elder brothers, who are married, cannot put them as well. They all got married to desi girls, they wanted to, we were not acceptable with one of them, one of them is from Pakistan and i am sorry to say this, but she is very catty and behaves like a princess, also here. The other one states to be a strong muslima, judges me for not wearing hijab or studying abroad but is the first one to sit in mixed weddings and yeah. the other one is totally unislamic, sits at the table with us and makes fun of the quran and what nonesense that is, cultural muslim. the other one is engaged, i already dont care about them,

The last sixteen years of my life i organised their big weddings, they had huge weddings for their daughters with the money from my mother who worked to jobs, i organised all the gatherings with big food and besides, what is the worst, i always gave up to comments like: you are the unmarried, you are this and that, etc, i spend my whole money on their children and when they fought with my brothers, they were coming to me to make them feel better , i was the judger and i did things for my brothers wives, that my own brothers dont know. we never visit them, not even on eid, they come, if they have problems that need to be solved from me, like medical issues, or money, or just good food. and i served them like a maid for 15 years. i noticed that i have the pattern to reject man, because i feel solely responsible for my mother, my brothers are already too involved in their own lives, they also do a lot of housework for desi man and they are often with their in laws. they actually live next to them.

i am sad about this, because almost every food that i eat with my mother ends up with a lot of resentment from me towards her, becasue i was never allowed to set a boundary, if i do so, i am a bad sister in law (i once said to one of my brothers wives,that i want a weekend for my own during my studies and i cannot cook for them; my brother almost hit me in my face). i was anywanys since then the bad sister in law.

what hurts me most, is, that i cry often about my life, i hate, that i have pity withmyself, and i hate, that they get away with everything they do, but i am not able to live my own life. i also cannot welcome any muslim man since i do not have a reliable mahram or wali, i dont know anyone.

at this stage i am just writing to ask you, how you would cope with this, i did a lot of therapy and it did not help. i was seven years in therapy and it helped me to do sports etc but not to somehow get over these woman, unfortuneately their own families do not care, they do not do paperwork for them or bring them food. they live their own life,

what would you recommend me, to live peacefully woth my mother, she is mashallah 70 years old but git miserably treated by them as well and now somehow by myself which i am ashamed and afraid of.