u/Exciting-Way-9893

I messed up my relationship, and just can’t leave with the guilt, especially when i see he moved on. I had a long distance relationship for 1.5 years. He was one of the kindest persons always talking to his family , taking care of them and his friends as well. the only issue was that he was gambling , and requested money from me on a few occasions adding pressure if i would say no. He wanted me to move over to his town, leave my rent and job and move together. i really wanted to do it but i was scared to leave everything behind. in the last minute i changed my mind a fee times. Then he said the relationship is over after last time i said no to the move, we had plans and i failed to honor them . also i messed up a few times, i had guys texted me and i hiden that so we won’t start an argument. when he said that he doesn want to be with me anymore i talked with a guy. He came back to surprise me, and found out about the guy , told me i cheated and broke up with me and blocked me everywhere. i feel so guilty, if i was a decent woman i would of just process the pain not jump into conversations with other people. I tried to explain but he said that he doesn’t’ want me anymore and he is happy finally . I know i messed up, how to deal with this?

i’ not even sure where to start, i messed up my life completely , and the people i love. i think i have some mental problems, not sure if I may be a narcissist? The latest i did was messing up my relationship, my boyfriend insisted to move together, i agreed and then changed my mind due to fear. He broke up with me during that time. i was really hurt and instead of trying to process my pain i started talking to another guy to not feel the loneliness and pain. My boyfriend came back , and he saw that , got really pissed off, and told me i’m a slut. he did ask me if i talked to anyone, and i lied to him, then he found out. He broke up with me now, doesn’t want to talk. i realise i always do this, try to find confort when I’m suffering, i had a miserable childhood, been bullied in school , i never feel i’m good enough. i feel so much guilt now. just want to know if i may be a narcissist? can i control this with medication or therapy?