r/AskNPD

Or buy them gifts? Whilst still giving them the silent treatment and being cold and cruel? If so, why?

My ex, who I am now continuing to support as a friend has had a diagnosis of a narcissistic personality structure for many years. As someone with a PD myself, and working in psychiatry I firmly believe the pervasiveness of this etc is more than just a "structure". He has recently had first consultations who say the same, that his omissions of facts, lying etc has caused this to go unnoticed.

He has a very emeshed relationship with his whole family, and a particularly disturbing one with his mother (who displays the same behaviours). He pretended I was the first one bringing this to light, it was new so he was wrestling with it. Then stating he wants to work on the issue etc. It seems he at least partially just wanted to prolonge facing accountability for the provocation (towards the end of our relationship it would be a gaslighting theme of You're sick...I just agreed with you to calm your twisted thoughts exactly etc). It turns out he's been told by multiple professionals he needs to individuate from his parents.

Same thing with his behaviours. I didn't know about the structure clinical observation until towards the end. He would flip back and forth between admitting some things, withdrawing the statements etc. Denial, flickers of insight but then it all being too painful to face etc. which would have been understandable. If it was him first exploring this.

I found a novel he finished and emailed to his friends a year before we even met. I nearly passed out. It revealed a very deep and reflective understanding of his behaviours. Through the character he even challenges them. Themes of cruelty, dominance, breaking a partner emotionally so they are so disoriented that all they can cling to is hoping he doesn't leave. The "character" in the book is cruel for the sake of it too: Purposely flying off on holiday when the partners dad dies as "revenge" for the tiniest normal thing. Some parts are directly played out in our relationship. The novel is so bold because its like hiding in plain sight to his friends. Like he's being edgy and bold exploring this character who "of course I've drawn inspiration for it, but it's not FULLY".

I'm not sure what to think. Could this really simply have been about buying more time before I ever said I would leave him?

hello

i've been trying to seek for help from professionals i am diagnosed with bpd and then i returned back to them informing them that i experienced npd symptoms (fantasies about success and power, needing excessive admiration/praise, constant feelings of envy and hatred, arrogant behaviour and seeing relationships/friendships as something transactional) but they were certain that i dont have it because i told them that i experience huge amount of self loathin for a long while, and now nothing seemed to get better, my relationships are ruined and i dont think other professionals will believe me

Narcissist never ask another person if the person think the narcissist might be narcissist.

I've known someone for a long time who on occasion freely acknowledges being selfish, reckless, conniving, boundary crossing, demeaning, pretentious, sycophantic, and hypocritical. She's even this way with her own children, who are now struggling to pick up the pieces as adults. When she articulates these things about her traits, it's as if she's congratulating herself for being so aware and able to admit it, and there is no indication whatsoever that she intends to change or thinks she should have to. Just total acceptance of herself as a person who runs roughshod over others and leaves people traumatized and worse off for having encountered her.

I'm all of the above except narcissist, except now I suspect I might be. That's the backstory of my question too. I thought all these years "Hey, no way I can be a narcissist, I really have 0 respect for myself!" But then I thought "being NPD doesn't necessarily mean incapable of feeling empathy or self loathing should it" So I'll leave it up to actual people to answer.