F|28 I was able to quit. I hope this gives you hope too!
I got really deep into kratom and 7OH. What started as me just trying to feel okay turned into something I needed just to get through the day. At some point it stopped being about feeling good and became about not feeling awful. Every morning was the same… wake up, think about it, make sure I had enough, promise myself I’d quit soon, then repeat.
It’s crazy how isolating addiction gets. I pulled away from people without even realizing it. I got so used to pretending I was fine that I didn’t even know how to be real anymore. I was lonely back then too, but it was a different kind… like being completely disconnected from yourself.
Getting off was brutal. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. There were days I felt physically horrible, mentally drained, and emotionally just empty. I cried a lot. I doubted myself constantly. There were so many times I thought, “Maybe this is just who I am.”
But I kept going.
I’m 2 years sober now, which still feels weird to say sometimes.
I have my own apartment. I actually pay my bills. I have little routines now that used to feel impossible. Coffee in the morning, keeping my place clean, coming home to peace. My life probably sounds boring to some people, but to me? It’s everything.
The hard part is… sometimes it still gets lonely.
I think when you spend so much time numbing yourself, you eventually have to learn how to actually live again. And that part can feel uncomfortable. There are nights I wish I had more people around, or mornings where my brain still wants an escape. Recovery didn’t magically fix every part of me.
But even on my loneliest day, I would choose this life over who I was back then.
Because I’m free now. I’m present. I’m actually building something.
If you’re reading this in withdrawals, or terrified to quit, or convinced you’ve ruined your life… you haven’t. Seriously. I know how hopeless it feels because I was there.
Start messy. Start scared. Start however you need to.
Just start.
It really can get better. I’m living proof.