Why do I still think about it.
Two years ago back in 2024, I met this person, in a situation where he stood out without even trying much, all the people there were absolutely shit and he was the only person who approached me with just one line, "Is lavender your favourite colour?" That's because I was wearing Lavender clips, I was relieved when he approached me because others were just weird and he was the only sane decent person. We talked after that, I told him no lavender isn't my favourite, it's rose gold and he said ohh at least you didn't say pink and we had a full blown light hearted conversation about how pink is associated with the female gender and why it shouldn't be.
It was such a pretty night.
We talked about many miscellaneous things that night but I barely remember any, all I remember is the warmth it brought me, when I was leaving I told him he'll never get to see me again, because I wasn't very pleased with that place and wasn't planning to return at any cost. But he said, you can try leaving, but I don't give up on the things that I cherish. Spoiler alert he is going to prove himself wrong soon.
God knows I am still not over that one night.
Next day we somehow met again, talked again, gradually I started being at that place only for him, just for him, but one day I told him I just hate this place so much that I can't keep up.
He said it's okay, he understands my perspective and overnight we shifted somewhere else, better place, to me that new place was also just about him I had no connections with anyone else there he was the only person I knew there, meanwhile he had many other friends or connections whatever.
Deep conversation, growing attachment, minor disagreements, lovely reassurance, everything was there.
Till date I can't identify what it was, it wasn't love and I believed it was just friendship, but just friends is the most dangerous things to be where the "just" starts to contain more importance than it should.
He was the one to put more effort all along in the beginning, he'd talk when I went silent, he knew I suffered with emotional aphasia so he was the one driving the conversations.
This was my first time being attached to somebody like this, so when he forgot my birthday, it was heartbreaking. My birthday was ruined, all day I kept waiting for his wish that didn't come, even days after when we were having our normal conversations he didn't realise that he had missed my birthday, when it got too much for me I asked him about it and he was shocked, started apologising like his life dependent on it, also he had ghosted me during my birthday so I was even more mad at him for that, I started to believe that it was all in me and not in him, we had a deep argument that night where he kept apologising while I confronted him about why he ghosted me.
That night he said and I must quote it, "I'll conquer your heart again."
I got even more mad after I heard it, because it started to look like they were all words but no action.
Things started to get better, he started to treat me better, the bond started to feel safer. But again that ghosting never stopped, randomly for a week, for days and then he'll comeback apologising, without answer only with one explanation that things weren't going good.
This one time when it got too much for me I ghosted him back, cause why not. By now it was his birthday reaching soon and I couldn't help but keep thinking about how to make it special and how to not make him feel pathetic the way he did to me on my birthday.
Days later when I returned, and opened his chat I found out he had sent me many different miscellaneous work related things like I was rough Spam chat account to store information, no where are you, no trying to reach me except two messages.
I tried to keep it light and asked him why he has been using our chat like a rough notebook and he said because he thought I was never returning.
We had a light hearted conversation that day, he was off and I was trying to fix something that I didn't even break, the day passed and two days later it was his birthday, wished him on 12, we were living far from eachother so I couldn't do much, and our dynamic wasn't pretty enough for me to do anything wonderful online either.
On the evening of his birthday we talked again he told me how he spent his birthday, we caught up on the things we missed while we were being avoidant, we had good conversations in the next two days, talked about each other's family, had good laugh and a warm conversation.
You know that calm before the storm.
After that day he never texted again, neither did I.
It ended just like that.
It started in 2024 and ended in 2024. Yet I am here in 2026 still questioning what was that and why am I still not able to move on from that, I know it wasn't romantic, it can't be. But whatever it was it's still stiched into me and it's hard to tear it apart.
I hate when they leave without answering why they left.
Maybe an answer would have helped me move past it. But people are cruel sometimes.