Doomed love(19)
Were best friends. Used to talk everyday for 10 months.. I mean.. we had a total of 100k messages sent to each other not including voice calls of hours on hours and talking with each other for 9 hours multiple times.. honestly never loved someone like this ever.
I’ve confessed, it was one sided since I’m an Arab and she’s a Jew. Couples like this get hated a lot in Israel,even though i serve the country and me and her share the same values it’s just not a thing that people like in public..
She came few weeks later crying telling me she missed me.. in these same weeks I’ve tried to convince myself she doesn’t care about me or etc..
For a period of a month and a half we would meet at weekends drunk.. and would talk and be touchy with each other for hours and hours. I’ve noticed in a war or another she’s ashamed of me, not ashamed in public when people see me with her and when she’s all over me, she’s ashamed of my name.
We cried over each other a lot. I miss her..
I thought I could get over her by having a 1 time thing if that’s just another regular crush.. but oh boy I was wrong
With that next 1 time thing I almost called her by the first girl’s name.. not very fun encounter to have..
I couldn’t get myself to even kiss her, she’s not ugly, I was just disgusted and really just wished that it was the first girl.. things did go far but the next week after this encounter I found myself each night staring at pictures of me and the first girl.
I don’t want to convert just for a girl.. I mean.. I get it you’re not ashamed of me but you’re ashamed of this package that is me..
It’s not that I’m even ugly or a boring guy..
All of my friends told me that they don’t see why I’m stuck on this girl and that I could pull any day a girl that is much more interesting and pretty.. but honestly no I don’t want anything better I want her..
It’s been a month since last contact..
I just wish life could’ve been easier on me..
I honestly wish that it was for my looks or my personality and not rather for my name and background.. at least then I wouldn’t have to cry it out and just hoping that I have nothing I can do about it