Downhill relationship with NK and parents
I’m a 22 year old nanny, I’m currently in a nanny share with 3 or 4 kids, depending on the day.
I’ve been with family 1 since their now 6 year old was a newborn. They have another child who is 4. I’ll call the kids John and Sally.
The 2nd family is sort of irrelevant to this post but they have 2 children that I consistently care for alongside family 1.
John was my first nanny baby, I learned everything I know now working with him. He was the sweetest and funniest baby and toddler and the relationship I had with his parents was great.
I have also nannied sally since she was a newborn, and we are so close. She’s genuinely the funniest girl I know.
Over the last 2 years or so, John started showing a lot of behaviors that were concerning. He started acting violent towards the other kids, not being able to make it through the day without complete meltdowns and just overall issues. He later was diagnosed with a couple things, that made a lot of sense.
I don’t have any experience with kids on the spectrum, and trying to manage his behavior while caring for 3 other kids (including a young infant) was becoming impossible. I was the most burned out I’ve ever been, I was frustrated and disappointed in myself for not being able to handle it.
His mom was aware of these incidents, but always seemed to brush them off and make excuses. I always was understanding because I know he has trouble regulating himself, but it was getting to a point where I highly disagreed with the parenting.
I know disagreeing with the parenting isn’t really my job, but it was to a point where I’d watch his mom allow him to attack her and sally without correcting, even in a calm or gentle manner. I cannot get behind that and I was often correcting him and having him sit and take breaks when acting out/attacking the other kids or me.
There were 2 instances where he lied about me, saying I hit him and scream at him all day. Every time he has lied, there was another parent present as well as cameras. So thankfully I don’t have to worry about that. But it definitely changed mom’s attitude towards me.
Any corrections I give him he views as “mean” and “yelling at him” because he does not get corrected at home. It was just a battle every single day that I would ultimately lose every time.
I ended up expressing how bad it was getting, and telling his mom that I didn’t have the capacity to give him what he needed without compromising the other kids and their well being. She pretty much removed him from the nanny share and I have had absolutely no relationship with him since.
I wasn’t invited to his birthday, his graduation, his mom doesn’t ever share photos of him like she used to. It breaks my heart. He holds such a special place in my heart and I miss him so much. I feel like I did everything I could to help him and unfortunately it just wasn’t working.
My relationship with his parents has also gone extremely downhill since he stopped coming, the mom barely talks to me even though I have her daughter every day. She seems hostile a lot and it just gives me so much anxiety.
I can understand that me not watching him anymore was inconvenient, and probably hurts as a parent. I felt awful about it, but it was simply in the best interest of everyone involved.
Also, the family (2) who hosts the nanny share at their home, was also growing concerned considering their property was being damaged, as well as their kids safety being compromised. They never brought it up to family 1, although I wish they did so I didn’t have to be the bad guy.
I do want to add that when it was just me and John, or even me him and sally, our relationship was great. We did so many fun things and he was just overall so much happier. Adding another toddler and a baby was just too much for him to handle and wasn’t the right environment for him to thrive.
It might seem silly that I’m so upset about a kid that isn’t mine, it just really makes me sad that I haven’t been able to be a part of his life lately.
Thanks for reading!