u/Expensive-Syrup2335

Image 1 — Hey everyone. I’m working on a dark fantasy webnovel called The Last Inheritor and wanted honest feedback on the opening chapter.
Image 2 — Hey everyone. I’m working on a dark fantasy webnovel called The Last Inheritor and wanted honest feedback on the opening chapter.
Image 3 — Hey everyone. I’m working on a dark fantasy webnovel called The Last Inheritor and wanted honest feedback on the opening chapter.
Image 4 — Hey everyone. I’m working on a dark fantasy webnovel called The Last Inheritor and wanted honest feedback on the opening chapter.

Hey everyone. I’m working on a dark fantasy webnovel called The Last Inheritor and wanted honest feedback on the opening chapter.

A boy inherits the souls of everyone who dies near him —The stronger he becomes, the more he risks losing himself.

I’d mainly love feedback on:

prose flow

dialogue

pacing

whether the emotional tone works

if it feels too overwritten or repetitive anywhere

whether the characters feel human

I also used AI occasionally for grammar/spelling polish since English isn’t my strongest area, but the story/themes/characters are mine.

u/Expensive-Syrup2335 — 12 hours ago

Would you read a fantasy where the power system slowly destroys the user’s identity?

I’m writing a dark fantasy called THE LAST INHERITOR.

The MC inherits the memories, instincts, fears, and abilities of the dead.

Every person he absorbs makes him stronger… but less himself.

The strongest Vessel in history eventually became a thousand souls wearing one body.

The current MC is trying not to become the next one.

u/Expensive-Syrup2335 — 14 hours ago

I started a dark fantasy novel about a man who inherits the souls of everyone who dies near him. It's free to read. Would love honest feedback

I started a dark fantasy novel about a man who inherits the souls of everyone who dies near him. It's free to read. Would love honest feedback

u/Expensive-Syrup2335 — 1 day ago