u/Expensive-Will1115

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My wife and I have been married for about 1.5 years. I'm looking for honest feedback because I genuinely don't know whether we're dealing with unresolved resentment, poor communication, or a deeper incompatibility issue.

My wife has had issues with my family since early in our marriage. She feels that some things said and done by my family were disrespectful and insulting. One issue she still brings up is that my mother once asked her to give in writing that she would not claim family property because there were ongoing legal/property concerns in the family. My mother viewed it as a legal precaution, but my wife saw it as a sign that she wasn't trusted or accepted.

Over the last 1.5 years, we've had multiple family discussions about these issues. At one point my wife said she forgave my family and resumed normal communication with them. There were also periods where she stopped talking to them completely. More recently, she even invited my mother to visit us.

My wife's main complaints are:

She never received proper respect as a daughter-in-law.

I don't support her enough when conflicts happen.

I don't give her enough credit or appreciation.

She feels controlled at times.

She wants more privacy.

She is still affected by things my family did in the past.

She feels my mother brings negativity into her life by discussing what other people say about her.

My concerns are:

We already live separately from my parents to give us privacy and independence.

Even when my parents are not involved for months, many of the same relationship problems remain.

I feel old family issues keep getting brought up despite multiple discussions and attempts to resolve them.

My wife tends to focus heavily on negative incidents and has difficulty letting go of past hurts.

She has admitted that when she gets very angry, she becomes extremely stubborn and doesn't listen to anyone.

Divorce gets brought up during arguments more often than I think is healthy.

I often feel unheard, disrespected, and emotionally disconnected.

Our intimacy has declined significantly compared to the beginning of our marriage. In the early months she was much more affectionate and interested in intimacy, but over time that has dropped substantially. She also prefers sleeping separately, which she says is because she has always slept that way since childhood.

The most recent conflict happened when my mother visited. My mother told my wife to eat first and then continue her work. My wife viewed this as interference in our household and responded that decisions in our home would be made by me and her, and that my mother was a guest and not a family member. My mother was hurt by that statement.

Afterward, my wife told me that I never support her and again brought up divorce. The argument escalated and I also said things out of frustration that I regret, which made the situation worse.

One thing that confuses me is that there have been periods where my wife was on good terms with my family, said she forgave them, and communicated normally with them. Then after a conflict, many old issues return and become central again.

I don't think either of us is completely innocent here. I know I have made mistakes, and she feels deeply hurt by things that happened in the past. At the same time, I feel exhausted because I don't know how to move forward when issues that were supposedly resolved continue to come back.

My questions are:

Does this sound like unresolved resentment that was never truly healed?

Does it sound more like a communication problem or a compatibility problem?

How would you handle a situation where one spouse continues to be affected by past family conflicts despite repeated discussions and attempts to move forward?

What would be your next step if you were in my position?

TLDR: Married 1.5 years. My wife and my family had conflicts early in the marriage. We now live separately from my parents, but she still feels hurt by past incidents and says I don't support her enough. I feel old issues keep resurfacing, divorce is brought up too often, and our emotional and physical intimacy has declined significantly. We recently had another major conflict involving my mother, and I'm trying to understand whether this is unresolved resentment, poor communication, or deeper incompatibility.

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My wife and I have been married for 1.5 years. Since the beginning of our marriage, she has had issues with my family because she felt disrespected and insulted by them. One major issue she still brings up is that my mother once asked her to give in writing that she would not claim family property due to ongoing legal/property concerns. My wife felt that this meant she was not trusted or accepted.

Over time we had several family discussions, and at one point my wife said she forgave my family and resumed normal communication with them. There were also periods where she completely stopped talking to them. Recently she even invited my mother to visit us.

My wife's main complaints are:

She never received proper respect as a daughter-in-law.

I don't support her enough when conflicts happen.

I don't give her enough credit or appreciation.

She feels controlled and wants more privacy.

She still feels hurt by things my family did in the past.

She feels my mother brings negativity into her life.

My concerns are:

We already live separately from my parents to give us privacy.

Even when my parents are not involved for months, many of the same problems remain.

Old family issues keep getting brought up despite multiple discussions and attempts to resolve them.

My wife admits that when she gets angry she becomes extremely stubborn and doesn't listen to anyone.

She has threatened divorce multiple times during arguments.

I often feel disrespected, unheard, and emotionally disconnected from her.

Our intimacy has declined significantly compared to the beginning of the marriage.

Recently another argument happened between my wife and my mother. My wife told my mother that decisions in our home would be made by me and her, and that my mother was a guest and not a family member. My mother was hurt by that comment. My wife then told me that I never support her and again brought up divorce.

To be fair, I also said things during the argument that I regret, which made the situation worse.

What I am trying to understand is whether this sounds like unresolved resentment from the past, poor communication from both sides, or a deeper incompatibility issue. If you were in my position, what would your next step be?

TLDR: Married 1.5 years. My wife and my family had conflicts early in the marriage. We now live separately from my parents, but my wife still feels hurt by past incidents and says I don't support her enough. I feel she holds onto old issues, threatens divorce during arguments, and that our emotional and physical intimacy has declined significantly. We recently had another major conflict involving my mother. I'm trying to understand whether this is unresolved resentment, poor communication, or a deeper incompatibility issue, and what my next step should be.