u/ExpensiveVillage9898

I know a lot of other Chinese people struggle with this, but I genuinely cannot stand it anymore.

Even now that I am in college, every time I call my parents, which is practically every day, I get compared to my cousins or judged for the smallest things. It is almost like they ask how my day was, and if I say anything that is not robotically perfect, I get judged and lectured for the next thirty minutes.

The cousin I am most often compared to is, honestly, very accomplished. He is currently in graduate school at Harvard. But he is also five years older than I, and I am only a first-year student at a great college on a full ride. I have arguably done better than he did during his first year of college. I have already landed an internship at Amazon, even though my parents consider my 3.7 GPA to be mediocre, on top of some good experiences that I have.

Despite all of that, my parents still talk about how inferior I am to my cousin. I understand that everyone develops at their own pace, but my parents do not seem to see that, and I am exhausted.

I understand that my parents came from a very difficult background. They grew up in poverty, and much of their childhood was spent waking up early and working on farms. They worked incredibly hard to earn enough money to come to America and build stable careers, even when doing so took a toll on their health. I respect everything they sacrificed for our family.

At the same time, I struggle to understand why it is so difficult for them to listen to their children. I am not their only child, and all of us have tried to give them advice about their parenting. They can clearly see that their constant lectures and yelling are taking a mental toll on us.

This has been going on since middle school. Whether I brought home a B on my transcript or did something as small as chewing my food the “wrong” way, I would get lectured for not being perfect.

Mentally, I feel worse every time I talk to them. In fact, I felt better during finals week simply because I was too busy to call them, even though I was under a lot of stress.

I have tried coping by leaning on my friends, but that has not been going well either. I think this constant criticism has given me a lot of anxiety, and I spend too much time worrying about what other people think of me. That mindset has hurt my friendships and past relationships, and I have lost a lot of important people because of it.

I genuinely do not know what to do. I still depend on my parents, so cutting them off is not really an option.

Does anyone have advice for dealing with this, other than therapy?

I have also tried talking to my parents about how this affects me, but those conversations never go anywhere. Whenever I try to explain my feelings, they tell me that I should never talk back to them. At the same time, I have also been yelled at for always agreeing with everything they say.

It feels like there is no right response. If I speak up, I am considered disrespectful. If I stay quiet and agree, I am criticized for not having my own opinions. I genuinely do not know how to handle this anymore.

I know a lot of other Chinese people struggle with this, but I genuinely cannot stand it anymore.

Even now that I am in college, every time I call my parents, which is practically every day, I get compared to my cousins or judged for the smallest things. It is almost like they ask how my day was, and if I say anything that is not robotically perfect, I get judged and lectured for the next thirty minutes.

The cousin I am most often compared to is, honestly, very accomplished. He is currently in graduate school at Harvard. But he is also five years older than I, and I am only a first-year student at a great college on a full ride. I have arguably done better than he did during his first year of college. I have already landed an internship at Amazon, even though my parents consider my 3.7 GPA to be mediocre, on top of some good experiences that I have.

Despite all of that, my parents still talk about how inferior I am to my cousin. I understand that everyone develops at their own pace, but my parents do not seem to see that, and I am exhausted.

I understand that my parents came from a very difficult background. They grew up in poverty, and much of their childhood was spent waking up early and working on farms. They worked incredibly hard to earn enough money to come to America and build stable careers, even when doing so took a toll on their health. I respect everything they sacrificed for our family.

At the same time, I struggle to understand why it is so difficult for them to listen to their children. I am not their only child, and all of us have tried to give them advice about their parenting. They can clearly see that their constant lectures and yelling are taking a mental toll on us.

This has been going on since middle school. Whether I brought home a B on my transcript or did something as small as chewing my food the “wrong” way, I would get lectured for not being perfect.

Mentally, I feel worse every time I talk to them. In fact, I felt better during finals week simply because I was too busy to call them, even though I was under a lot of stress.

I have tried coping by leaning on my friends, but that has not been going well either. I think this constant criticism has given me a lot of anxiety, and I spend too much time worrying about what other people think of me. That mindset has hurt my friendships and past relationships, and I have lost a lot of important people because of it.

I genuinely do not know what to do. I still depend on my parents, so cutting them off is not really an option.

Does anyone have advice for dealing with this, other than therapy?

I have also tried talking to my parents about how this affects me, but those conversations never go anywhere. Whenever I try to explain my feelings, they tell me that I should never talk back to them. At the same time, I have also been yelled at for always agreeing with everything they say.

It feels like there is no right response. If I speak up, I am considered disrespectful. If I stay quiet and agree, I am criticized for not having my own opinions. I genuinely do not know how to handle this anymore.

I know a lot of other Chinese people struggle with this, but I genuinely cannot stand it anymore.

Even now that I am in college, every time I call my parents, which is practically every day, I get compared to my cousins or judged for the smallest things. It is almost like they ask how my day was, and if I say anything that is not robotically perfect, I get judged and lectured for the next thirty minutes.

The cousin I am most often compared to is, honestly, very accomplished. He is currently in graduate school at Harvard. But he is also five years older than I, and I am only a first-year student at a great college on a full ride. I am not trying to brag, but I have arguably done better than he did during his first year of college. I have already landed an internship at Amazon, even though my parents consider my 3.7 GPA to be mediocre.

Despite all of that, my parents still talk about how inferior I am to my cousin. I understand that everyone develops at their own pace, but my parents do not seem to see that, and I am exhausted.

I understand that my parents came from a very difficult background. They grew up in poverty, and much of their childhood was spent waking up early and working on farms. They worked incredibly hard to earn enough money to come to America and build stable careers, even when doing so took a toll on their health. I respect everything they sacrificed for our family.

At the same time, I struggle to understand why it is so difficult for them to listen to their children. I am not their only child, and all of us have tried to give them advice about their parenting. They can clearly see that their constant lectures and yelling are taking a mental toll on us.

This has been going on since middle school. Whether I brought home a B on my transcript or did something as small as chewing my food the “wrong” way, I would get lectured for not being perfect.

Mentally, I feel worse every time I talk to them. In fact, I felt better during finals week simply because I was too busy to call them, even though I was under a lot of stress.

I have tried coping by leaning on my friends, but that has not been going well either. I think this constant criticism has given me a lot of anxiety, and I spend too much time worrying about what other people think of me. That mindset has hurt my friendships and past relationships, and I have lost a lot of important people because of it.

I genuinely do not know what to do. I still depend on my parents, so cutting them off is not really an option.

Does anyone have advice for dealing with this, other than therapy?

I have also tried talking to my parents about how this affects me, but those conversations never go anywhere. Whenever I try to explain my feelings, they tell me that I should never talk back to them. At the same time, I have also been yelled at for always agreeing with everything they say.

It feels like there is no right response. If I speak up, I am considered disrespectful. If I stay quiet and agree, I am criticized for not having my own opinions. I genuinely do not know how to handle this anymore.