I (30M) went on a first date last Thursday. It went way better than expected honestly. No awkward silences, tons in common, and we got into some pretty real conversations. She was super open and shared a lot of personal stuff about her family and what shes been going through which made it feel like she was actually comfortable around me. Ironically we both had a lot in common. Tbf I’m the kinda dude who goes into dates with very low expectations. Just because stuff like this happens all the time.
She was also really nervous in like a cute way, just oversharing stuff. Like she pointed out what car she drove in the parking lot which i thought was random but kind of endearing. We ended up hanging out for like 2 hours before we parted ways so it didnt feel like either of us was trying to cut it short.
She mentioned before and during the date that shes pretty much drowning in med school right now with some big tests coming up soon so I get that shes busy. I texted her Friday morning just saying I had a good time and we should do it again. Nothing back and its now Monday night.
I dont want to come across as pushy but I also dont want to just let it die if theres still a chance. Thinking about sending something low key like: ‘Hey I know you’re swamped with tests, just wanted to see if you’d be down for another date when things clear up’
Tbh I’m probably gonna send it anyway because I hate not knowing. Just wanted some outside perspective first.
u/ExpertRecognition782
I’ve been dating both on apps and in person for a while now, and no matter who I meet or where, the pattern is always the same. Almost every time, it’s love bombing early on and then eventually radio silence. I’ve even been told through people close to me that my dates go well. But apparently not well enough to make anyone want to stay.
I’ve tried to keep my feelings out of it, but that’s just not how I’m wired. And I’ve gotten to the point now where I go into dates with zero expectations, not even hoping for any particular outcome. Just showing up. And somehow that doesn’t help either. I don’t know how people live like this.
I grew up believing love looked like what you see in movies and TV, two people who find each other genuinely interesting and actually try to work things out together. But modern dating feels like everyone is just waiting for someone slightly better to come along. Nobody commits. Nobody gives it a real shot.
Here’s the part I don’t fully understand about myself: I’m athletic, have a solid career, and quietly take care of my family. My closest friends know that about me, but I’d never bring it up on a date, that’s not who I am. I drive a nice car because I genuinely like it, not to impress anyone. I don’t lead with any of that. I just show up as myself. I also make it a genuine habit to actually listen on dates, to be fully tuned in to what the other person is saying. I have ADHD so that’s been a skill I’ve been actively working on my whole life, and I’ve gotten good at it. It matters to me that the person across the table feels heard.
What really gets me is that most people give up after just one date. I always give people the benefit of the doubt because first dates are inherently awkward and nerve-wracking, but apparently that patience works against me somehow.
I’m also a religious person and I can’t even meet anyone at church. It feels like the whole world has just gotten comfortable being alone. I’m 30 years old and all I ever really wanted was to find someone for myself someday. Nothing extravagant, just that.
So I’ll ask genuinely what am I supposed to do at this point? Unironically I’m starting to see less reasons to be a good person. Doesn’t seem to pay off in love.