u/Expert_Guava_4437

EDIT: What I meant by the title is, should I transfer the title of my car to MYSELF after this? Haha, realized that can be misleading. Have no idea how I could do this without his signature, though.

To preface this, my grandma on my dad’s side (90) gave me my current car for my HS graduation over 8 years ago. Since being given the car, I have paid every bill for repairs, my insurance for it, and everything else.

My siblings were not yet driving yet, so we all decided at the time that I would get it. My brother bought his own car a year later, and my NB sibling does not drive due to their disability.

The title for my current car is under my parent’s name due to a lower insurance rate. This is important for later.

We are now all 26, and live at home with our parents.

We were all having a discussion about my grandma soon giving up her car, and in the possibility she may give it to one of us, we were deciding who would take it. (I do have to say, we are very lucky to even have this possibility.) Both of my parents bought out their leases of their 2025 cars, my brother owns a 2017 car, and mine is a 2008.

I do not NEED a new car like my grandma has, and I told them that- my car is in great shape and only at 75k miles, and plus, I’ve never had to buy one before, so I have been lucky enough to not have a car payment. Somehow, due to the age of my car, everyone came to the conclusion that they would let me have it.

My dad speaks up though and says, “So, in the case that she gives it away again and you take her newer car, I will be selling your current one and using the money for our bills, or selling the new car and doing the same.” When everyone at the table protested and I got upset, he just sat back and laughed and said, “Why do you think you would get anything from the sale?”

While I understand that he and my mom aren’t doing the best financially, I was given my current car as a gift and have paid every bill for it. Say I were to buy myself a new car anyway while living here - would he decide that he would get the money from that too? Or anything else valuable that I sell? It doesn’t make sense.

While this is definitely a hypothetical, it has me thinking about possibly transferring the title to me, despite the higher insurance cost. However, I have learned that he will have to sign off on that.

On one hand, this behavior doesn’t surprise me much, due to him emotionally abusing all 4 of us (siblings and mom) all of our lives, however I didn’t think he would go this far. I am just now afraid that not only my car but the ownership of all my possessions are in question.

I need some advice… please beware of the TW, description of ab*se is in the 2nd paragraph. Also, there is a long backstory for context.

I (26F) was in a 5-year relationship where I struggled with my mental health immensely, especially during the first couple of years. Later, I learned it was contributing to my mental health struggles because I always doubted if it was right. About 5 or 6 times, my ex joined my therapy sessions if I needed some support & didn’t know how to word it, or if I needed to bring up an issue and wanted support from my therapist.

The last year and a half of the relationship, things went downhill and eventually ended in a breakup 8 months before the final split, him resenting me for it, turned emotionally abusive and eventually escalated to physical abuse (him holding me down while laughing so i physically could not move & him spitting all over my face & rubbing it in while i screamed for him to get off of me). I will call this the incident. The relationship only lasted a couple more days while I mentally said goodbye to that life and realized the severity of what happened.

I have seen my therapist since I was 19. I had my first abusive relationship during that time (only lasted 7 months) and her helping me through that built my trust in her. Over the years, she really helped me with so much and I would not be in the place I am today without her.

This is where my dilemma comes in. Unfortunately, I am still having nightmares about the incident. I have told my therapist about it multiple times. Her response was to write a letter to him and not send it, and unfortunately it made things a bit worse. The other solution was radical acceptance, which has worked with me in the past but not with this. Also in tandem my regular toolkit of meditation & my hobbies. I bring up the incident a lot still, and last session in passing, she said something to the affect of “I did see during sessions with your ex that he was subtly making you doubt yourself in past arguments/fights, which contributed to your ongoing self confidence issues.” She also alluded to other past signs that she saw during sessions, but at this point I was so angry I can’t remember exactly what she said.

I asked her “oh you know I had no idea about any of that, I never picked it up at that point since it was so subtle starting out”, and she didn’t really say much about it. I wanted to ask her why she didn’t tell me, that those are signs of emotional abuse that were the precursor to everything else that happened later on, how it got worse to the point where I have PTSD now.

I am scared of asking her, because my gut is saying at this point I won’t be able to trust her. If she were to see something worse happen in my life, would she tell me? IMO, there is no excuse for her keeping that from me. Yes, the relationship is over now, but 1. there are lasting consequences of this and 2. how can I tell her anything now without having this in the back of my head?

Maybe i am overreacting about this, but I’ve had multiple panic attacks since the last time I saw her, and my current bf and mom have said i am justified in feeling this way. I see no other to get through this other than to leave. Am I right in this?