u/Explanation-Spare

when did you guys start getting into casual/hook-up sex and how did you start training your mind to not be attached to every person you share a bed with?

last sunday, i found a lady on a dating app and never thought she would reply to my flirtatious opening because she looked way out of my league, but she did and after flirting back and forth, she insisted on taking me out to dinner surprisingly on the exact same day. the flirting that we did was kinda raunchy? so i had a feeling that it would end with more than just a dinner yk? which i didn’t mind at all. lately, i’ve been super busy and emotionally exhausted that i just don’t see a relationship in my cards just yet. i just needed a quick release, so i went.

in our chats, she was super assertive, but when we got together she was pretty quiet. she confessed it was actually her first date and she’s super shy 😭 so i initially felt bad for assuming that this was just a casual thing. i teased her abt her shyness but would also yk treat it like a normal date.

but then she suddenly said “i just need to pregame so i won’t be shy anymore” and actually ordered a bunch of drinks throughout the entire date. we also went to the movies after and she ordered more drinks there. she started getting more loose lipped, comfortable, and even handsy during the movie (which again, i didn’t mind).

HOWEVER, i knew that with all that drinking, she was evidently tipsy or even just lowkey drunk (like she started being rlly loud in the movie theater so i told her we should go back to her car, while walking back she had a slight tilt to her steps, and then when we went to a shady parking lot she was driving weird). i told her IMMEDIATELY that if she wanted to do anything, she needed to say it, because i wasn’t going to di anything knowing she was a couple drinks in. she told me she does, so we started making out and fondling each other. she wanted to top me but lowkey it was hilariously bad and messy because i could tell she was drunk, even tho she denied it 😭😭 so i never let both of us go beyond just making out and grinding, had her drink water, would check on her throughout the entire thing.

but then she dropped like. this bomb on me ig? so context, she told me over dinner that she’s part of the navy and she’s only in my city until december. i took her shyness as disinterest in taking anything serious too. but then when we were in the car i joked abt going to the state she was originally from and she said yeah. and then while we were making out, she started saying things like “your eyes really capture me” “i really really like you” “i want to keep seeing you” “no i don’t want just a hook up, i want to take this seriously, i feel like i skipped over so much steps (of getting to know you)”

so im like?? confused??? because again i would be fine if this is casual or not. i also know she was drunk as shit. but like after that i told her to text me if she got home safe, and then she did but she also just said like “let’s link again” and how she has a free room for the weekend if i wanted to/was available to. we did talk about the date and she said she really enjoyed it and she said i was so sweet, but after that it’s just been flirting and a series of “come overs” jokingly between us. idk?? im telling myself i shouldn’t be that bothered by it but at the very least i do want a casual fwb if she’s going back on being serious. ik i can easily solve this by communicating but like idekkk if she’ll take my question seriously. she’s been kinda distant too. should i even ask?

I’ve been sexting with this woman I met on a dating app. I’m a virgin, and this is my first time ever being openly sexual with someone else. And it’s really hot and I’m drawn to what she says she’ll do to me. I’ve never actually thought I’d love being dominated and told what to do until now. Being mostly huge my whole life, it’s hard to imagine to.

But like now I don’t really know? I can’t tell if she’s AI or a scammer, and I don’t want to keep sending nudes if she is. She doesn’t really tell me what she wants when I try to engage, has only sent me one photo, and she says she’s getting a masters in Physical Therapy but she makes mistakes a lot on grammar. I asked her if she was real and she got mad at me.

Any advice?

i got asked out to a date by someone i met on a dating app. it was my first date EVER and i was really out of my comfort zone, but i wanted to see her so i decided to go through with it. we discuss about what we’ll do and she told me she knows a spot to see the sunset, and i suggested dinner and she said yes. i got dressed up so nicely, and since she was picking me up, i didn’t want to start off the date with me just being a leech 24/7, so i got her some gifts.

but then here’s the kicker 🙄 when she pulled up to my house, she told me she only has FOUR dollars to her name and didn’t know if it was possible for us to get dinner 😭 i got all dressed up and didn’t eat for dinner because i was under the impression that we would. feeling awkward that we’d just essentially drive around, i offered to foot the bill.

she shows me the spot and it’s literally at a gas station. we head to dinner and i had to step out twice for an important call i couldn’t miss, and when i got back she ate most of our food. 🫩 then her bsf called her and she drove us to a place to play pool, and it literally turned into a friend group hangout then. i literally felt so singled out and out of my element since i don’t know how to play pool. i learned too that it was a dollar per game, and she told me the night prior to our date, she was up all night playing games and smoking weed - so i’m assuming she blew through her money with the knowledge we were going on a date. again, SHE ASKED ME OUT!! not me.

she drove me home soon after because i had a shift the next morning and i was just not having fun, but she ended up asking for food to-go too???? 😭

but after that, she texted me that she had fun and all that nonsense. we keep talking for a few days but then she got all dry. so i asked her “Hey, I don’t want us feeling like we have to keep the conversation going. If you feel like this isn’t for you, just let me know.” i had an urge to do that because she mentioned during our date that this was the first time she went out with a woman, and i didn’t know if she was just looking for a cue to leave.

she texted me back and said she wanted to keep going, she wanted to schedule a 2nd date, and that she was going to give me gifts too. so i was like okay sure. but then she left me on delivered twice in a row (two days in a row) even though she was online, and last night she ended up hard launching a girlfriend!!!!!! isn’t that SOO fun yall…

first date aside i’ve just been having bad luck in general 😭😭 each to their own but i cannot trust myself to use any substances with strangers i don’t know, and i’m not really into alternative stuff - i just happen to be queer, and i think people think that i’m lame because of that. i don’t necessarily want myself to change but it’s been so frustrating trying to get into the dating scene with my prospects. idk what to do and i would love some insights.