Married 45F and 53M husband.. betrayal
Ive been with my husband for 26 years, hes 8 years older than me. Hes currently 53. In the last year he met a woman who is 26 and who he sees at a workspace they both work at. She has been sharing her marital issues with him and only him. My husband talks about her the moment he gets in from work. At first I didnt think anything of it. But then she started to share with my husband the ins and outs of her couples therapy sessions and something felt off. I explained to my husband that its a bit strange how she's only sharing this with him. I noticed his whattsapp was turned to silent and he took a while to answer my mesaages which was out of the ordinary. I found out she text him daily even at weekends and very late at night. She was doing lots of free work for him stuff that would cost hundreds. . Again, that felt off. He told me he was going to meet her at a coffee shop to do some work on a Saturday. So he went out at 2pm and came back at 7.30pm. I found out that he'd arranged to go to the pub with her. I was devastated as I felt this was not ok. He told me an elaborate story first off and then said yes he lied but was not remorseful more angry. He continued to text her and even talked about having to walk on eggshells around me and that im keeping tabs on him. So I assume he told her something bad about me. I know this asking checked his phone.
This kind of brought back a lot of other betrayals from 16 years ago when he met a woman, again younger and shared her marital issues with him, they then shared naked videos and pictures together which I found on our computer and the woman was really falling for him. He lied about it for 6 months until I confronted the woman.
A few years before that he met a much younger woman she was 19 he was 30s, and shared a naked picture of me to her and she sent him a sexy pic in lingerie. Again he spoke about these womwn all the time. After all these incidents were found out he was angry, shameful I guess and we never repaired. I shut myself off I guess from mistrust etc as I thought we were happy. The thing is, I never had an issue with him having more women friends.
The recent incident, am I over reacting. He said he was going to cut ties from her personally and thats taken a while for him to do. He has stopped going to the shared work space on a regular basis. I feel like I dont know my husband and feel so lost. My attachment style is clearly not helping as im very family orientated and its my main focus. Im going to therapy as I cant seem to understand the lies. Im convinced he doesnt think hes really done anything wrong and now im starting to question if im over reacting. Ive not spoken to anyone about any of these incidents, so would appreciate any advice.
Thanks for reading the lengthy post.