u/Expression-West

Me (19F) and my two best friends (also 19F) have known each other for over 13 years . We used to be inseparable, but over the last two years one of them (“Mary”) changed a lot. I know people grow and change in high school, but I barely recognize her anymore. Her new friend group is openly racist, homophobic, fatphobic, etc., and over time she started acting more like them.

Things really went downhill last autumn when we celebrated our birthdays together (a tradition we’ve had for years). She acted rude toward my guests all night and thought it was funny when one of her friends yelled “I hate Arabs, fuck Mohamed” while my friend’s boyfriend, who was there, was literally named Mohamed.

That same night she also flirted for hours with one of my younger male best friends without telling me, mostly after she stopped getting attention from the boys at the party. That hurt too because she knew I cared about him.

After that I distanced myself a bit, but later she invited me to a Halloween party. I was going through some mental health issues at the time and I drank way too much. I blacked out, threw up everywhere, woke up in different clothes, and was mortified afterward.

According to Mary, I stayed in the shower for a long time and almost broke her sink trying to stand up. Some people apparently wanted to help me, but she told them I’d “be fine because I’m independent.” She seemed more annoyed than concerned. To be fair, our other friend (“Anna”) has severe emetophobia, so I don’t blame her for not helping.

Since then, Mary and I barely talk unless it’s every couple of months, and whenever we do, she acts like nothing happened and assumes we’ll all naturally become close again after exams. But honestly, I don’t feel close to her anymore. A year ago I loved her to pieces and now she feels like a stranger.

Meanwhile, Anna and I stayed very close. We FaceTime constantly and hang out regularly. We planned a weekend trip to the sea side and Mary said she can’t come because she goes to a festival with her other friends. Now we ve talked again after some time and she decided she can come. She wants for all three of us do a beach weekend together this summer because she thinks we only drifted apart because of school.

The problem is: I really don’t want to go with her. I already booked a two-night trip just for me and Anna, and I haven’t told Mary yet. I’m tired of always being the one organizing everything and putting effort into the friendship while she prioritizes her other friends. She already planned a separate two-week vacation with her school friends, so it’s not like she has no summer plans.

I also don’t want to fake a friendship I don’t really feel anymore. But I know she’ll probably be hurt if she finds out Anna and I excluded her, especially because we were a trio for so long.
How can manage the situation ?

Nobody (until now i guess) knows I have a bumble profile. I (18) and my classmates also 18 know each other for over four years.I know my girl colleague’s boyfriend before I knew her. Aso she’s not the greatest person but she wants to move in together after high school with the bf i’ve found the profile on Bumble.

What should I do?