u/ExtensionArm5547

For context:
I have All A’s in school with a 4.0 GPA and i’ve taken two APs: Ap precalc and Ap physics. I like playing videogames, mainly overwatch and valorant, I love music, and I can’t make/keep new friends for my life. I’m 6’0, black, 16, and 230 lbs(roughly 104 kilos).

I want to know how to love myself. My life, in a societal sense, is fine. I do good in school and i’m not too popular and I exist.

I always rely on other people. I feel like I have no friends, I have some but they rarely even talk to me outside of school or just never talk to me outside of school, and my parents are too strict so I can’t even go out with my “friends” even if I wanted to. I want a girlfriend too, but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong at all (I’m a nice person and i have a type of chubby girls that are also nice but also have goals that revolve around a stable income in the future). I have my hobbies too, such as: gaming, reading, running (when i’m not super busy), and sometimes even learning.

In a social sense, i’m practically, as they say, a loser. I spend my days studying and playing games; I attempt to try to build close connections with people and even talk to them, but everyone that I’ll ever find or talk to have their own people already. I feel like I can’t find a friendship with anyone outside of my inner family. This is going to sound bad, but I love female validation. I love it when I get female attention. I never get it a lot and I put on a persona to make me seem bubbly and friendly when, in reality, i’m really just a chill person that likes games. I want to be able to view women as people too, not just super hierarchical personnel that I have to condemn myself to just to be seen as “a person” all of this sounds really bad and I know I can fix it, but I need help, desperately. Some nights I cry because I feel like I can’t keep anything I want. Most of the new friends I make are online and not irl because i’m too scared to approach both men and women irl because I feel like i’m not “worthy” to be associated with them. I know that statement is false, but growing up being bullied and ridiculed over my looks and who I am as a person shaped me into this and I want to start being an adult and start changing. Writing this down I genuinely don’t know what to expect. Obviously I want help, but I don’t know what else. I feel like there’s nothing to life if i can’t keep/make new friends or get a girlfriend. I haven’t even held hands with anyone and whenever I’m not seeking female validation I actually make sentimental things for girls sometimes, I even do the same for boys too because some of my friends I genuinely care about. I care about others more than I do myself just to be accepted as a “person” and being the perfect “friend” for people to never want to lose. In the end I somehow lose them no matter how hard I try to seem like the ideal companion.

For context:
I have All A’s in school with a 4.0 GPA and i’ve taken two APs: Ap precalc and Ap physics. I like playing videogames, mainly overwatch and valorant, I love music, and I can’t make/keep new friends for my life. I’m 6’0, black, 16, and 230 lbs(roughly 104 kilos).

I want to know how to love myself. My life, in a societal sense, is fine. I do good in school and i’m not too popular and I exist.

I always rely on other people. I feel like I have no friends, I have some but they rarely even talk to me outside of school or just never talk to me outside of school, and my parents are too strict so I can’t even go out with my “friends” even if I wanted to. I want a girlfriend too, but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong at all (I’m a nice person and i have a type of chubby girls that are also nice but also have goals that revolve around a stable income in the future). I have my hobbies too, such as: gaming, reading, running (when i’m not super busy), and sometimes even learning.

In a social sense, i’m practically, as they say, a loser. I spend my days studying and playing games; I attempt to try to build close connections with people and even talk to them, but everyone that I’ll ever find or talk to have their own people already. I feel like I can’t find a friendship with anyone outside of my inner family. This is going to sound bad, but I love female validation. I love it when I get female attention. I never get it a lot and I put on a persona to make me seem bubbly and friendly when, in reality, i’m really just a chill person that likes games. I want to be able to view women as people too, not just super hierarchical personnel that I have to condemn myself to just to be seen as “a person” all of this sounds really bad and I know I can fix it, but I need help, desperately. Some nights I cry because I feel like I can’t keep anything I want. Most of the new friends I make are online and not irl because i’m too scared to approach both men and women irl because I feel like i’m not “worthy” to be associated with them. I know that statement is false, but growing up being bullied and ridiculed over my looks and who I am as a person shaped me into this and I want to start being an adult and start changing. Writing this down I genuinely don’t know what to expect. Obviously I want help, but I don’t know what else. I feel like there’s nothing to life if i can’t keep/make new friends or get a girlfriend. I haven’t even held hands with anyone and whenever I’m not seeking female validation I actually make sentimental things for girls sometimes, I even do the same for boys too because some of my friends I genuinely care about. I care about others more than I do myself just to be accepted as a “person” and being the perfect “friend” for people to never want to lose. In the end I somehow lose them no matter how hard I try to seem like the ideal companion.

For context:
I have All A’s in school with a 4.0 GPA and i’ve taken two APs: Ap precalc and Ap physics. I like playing videogames, mainly overwatch and valorant, I love music, and I can’t make/keep new friends for my life. I’m 6’0, black, 16, and 230 lbs(roughly 104 kilos).

I want to know how to love myself. My life, in a societal sense, is fine. I do good in school and i’m not too popular and I exist.

I always rely on other people. I feel like I have no friends, I have some but they rarely even talk to me outside of school or just never talk to me outside of school, and my parents are too strict so I can’t even go out with my “friends” even if I wanted to. I want a girlfriend too, but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong at all (I’m a nice person and i have a type of chubby girls that are also nice but also have goals that revolve around a stable income in the future). I have my hobbies too, such as: gaming, reading, running (when i’m not super busy), and sometimes even learning.

In a social sense, i’m practically, as they say, a loser. I spend my days studying and playing games; I attempt to try to build close connections with people and even talk to them, but everyone that I’ll ever find or talk to have their own people already. I feel like I can’t find a friendship with anyone outside of my inner family. This is going to sound bad, but I love female validation. I love it when I get female attention. I never get it a lot and I put on a persona to make me seem bubbly and friendly when, in reality, i’m really just a chill person that likes games. I want to be able to view women as people too, not just super hierarchical personnel that I have to condemn myself to just to be seen as “a person” all of this sounds really bad and I know I can fix it, but I need help, desperately. Some nights I cry because I feel like I can’t keep anything I want. Most of the new friends I make are online and not irl because i’m too scared to approach both men and women irl because I feel like i’m not “worthy” to be associated with them. I know that statement is false, but growing up being bullied and ridiculed over my looks and who I am as a person shaped me into this and I want to start being an adult and start changing. Writing this down I genuinely don’t know what to expect. Obviously I want help, but I don’t know what else. I feel like there’s nothing to life if i can’t keep/make new friends or get a girlfriend. I haven’t even held hands with anyone and whenever I’m not seeking female validation I actually make sentimental things for girls sometimes, I even do the same for boys too because some of my friends I genuinely care about. I care about others more than I do myself just to be accepted as a “person” and being the perfect “friend” for people to never want to lose. In the end I somehow lose them no matter how hard I try to seem like the ideal companion.