u/Extreme_Turn_3911

Hi everyone.

I'm writing this while crying because I genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting or if this situation is actually as bad as it feels. I really need advice from experienced nurses, especially those who've worked in ICU.

For some background, I recently graduated as an anesthesia and intensive care nurse. This is my very first nursing job.

During my interview, I was completely honest. I told them I was a new graduate and that I'd need guidance and orientation. I wasn't expecting someone to hold my hand forever, but I expected at least a proper introduction to the unit and some supervision until I became comfortable.

They reassured me that there will be a nurse with me who'll guide me through the shift and everything would be fine, so I accepted the job.

Day One :

I arrived feeling excited but incredibly nervous. I expected someone to explain how the ICU functioned, show me where everything was, teach me the documentation system, explain how they organized medications, and just generally orient me to the unit.

Instead, the nurse who was supposed to guide me gave me a very quick tour. He showed me where a few things were and told me the ICU was usually quiet. He even said he'd worked nine consecutive days and had only had two patients, so I assumed my first few days would be calm enough for me to learn.

Then, out of nowhere, two patients were admitted.

I immediately felt overwhelmed. I was a brand-new graduate on my first day, and suddenly I was helping care for two ICU patients.

I knew I needed help, so I called one of the nurses from the neighboring service. She came over and helped for a little while, but then she told me I should call the nurse who was supposed to be responsible for me. So I called him.

Instead of sounding reassuring or supportive, he acted like I was bothering him. He kept joking that I was a "jinx" because everything suddenly became busy on my first day. I tried to laugh it off because I didn't want to make things awkward, but inside I felt guilty for asking for help when I genuinely didn't know what I was doing.

The thing is, I wasn't asking because I wanted someone else to do my work. I was asking because I wanted to do things correctly and safely.

Despite everything happening, there still wasn't any real orientation.

Nobody explained the workflow. Nobody sat down to teach me. Nobody checked whether I understood anything.

I spent the day trying to figure things out as I went while taking care of critically ill patients.

To make things worse, the nurse who was supposed to guide me actually left work before I did.

I was still there, trying to understand everything, while the person responsible for orienting me had already gone home.

I left work exhausted, anxious, and questioning myself, but I kept telling myself that maybe first days are just hard and tomorrow would be better.

Day Two :

I walked into work hoping things would improve.

Instead, I got the biggest shock.

I found out that the nurse who had been working there before me had already left the job.

So suddenly there wasn't an experienced ICU nurse working with me.

I was basically expected to function as the ICU nurse on my second day at work after graduation.

I still didn't know where everything was.

I was still learning the routine and memorizing the building. Also still trying to remember where supplies were kept.

Every task took me longer because I was double-checking everything. I didn't want to make mistakes.

Then the head nurse came over. Instead of asking whether I needed help, he started raising his voice at me. He told me that I was still thinking like a student and kept saying I needed to stop acting like one. He also said it in a way that made me feel completely incompetent.

I understand that I'm no longer a student.

But I've only been a registered nurse for two days.

Of course I'm going to ask questions and of f course I'm going to be slower.

I'd rather be slow than make a mistake with a critically ill patient.

Eventually I couldn't hold it together anymore.

I CRIED.

The experienced nurses didn't make things any easier.

Every time I asked for help, they acted annoyed.

I kept hearing comments like,

"Oh, here she goes again."

"There she is."

It made me feel like I was a burden just for asking questions. After a while, I became afraid to ask anything because I felt like everyone was irritated with me. But at the same time, not asking questions in an ICU felt even more dangerous. Then another critically injured patient from a road accident was admitted.

I honestly felt like I was drowning.

I'm standing there thinking...

"I'm on my second day. How am I supposed to manage this safely?"

Why I Want to Leave :

After everything that happened, I contacted the person who hired me.

I told him I wanted to resign during my trial period.

He told me not to contact management directly and that he would speak to them first. Now I'm waiting.

But honestly...I don't want to go back, I've been crying since this morning.

I don't feel supported. I don't feel safe. And I don't think this is a good environment for a brand-new ICU nurse.

I mean I expected nursing to be stressful and expected long shifts and difficult patients.

What I didn't expect was to be left without proper orientation, feel like a burden every time I asked for help, and be yelled at for not already knowing everything.

I feel guilty because it's only my second day.

Part of me keeps wondering if I'm just weak.

Maybe everyone goes through this. Maybe I should push through it.

But another part of me feels like this isn't normal.

So I'm asking those of you with experience:

Is this a normal way to treat a new graduate in the ICU? Would you have stayed? Am I quitting too early, or are these serious red flags?

If you were in my position, what would you do?

I genuinely became a nurse because I wanted to help people.

I don't want my first job to make me question whether I belong in this profession.

Thank you for reading.

A few days ago I got offered my first job as a junior anesthesia nurse. I should be excited, right? Everyone around me is congratulating me, telling me how proud they are, and asking when I start. Meanwhile, I've spent the last few days feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and honestly a little nauseous. I keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong. During nursing school and clinical placements, there was always someone supervising me, someone I could turn to if I wasn't sure about something. Now I'll be working with real patients as an actual member of the team, and the responsibility feels huge. Anesthesia isn't exactly a field where mistakes are minor, and that's what's scaring me the most.

I've been reviewing drugs, protocols, and notes trying to prepare myself, but instead of feeling more confident, I just keep realizing how much I still have to learn. Sometimes I wonder if everyone else felt this way when they started or if I'm just not cut out for this. I know I'm a new graduate and nobody expects me to know everything, but I can't stop imagining myself making a mistake, missing something important, or freezing when I'm needed.

I really do love anesthesia, and I worked hard to get here, which is why it's frustrating that fear is kind of overshadowing what should be a happy moment. So I'm curious: for those of you working in anesthesia, ICU, the OR, or healthcare in general, did you feel this scared when you got your first job? How did you handle it? And when did you finally start feeling like you knew what you were doing?

I'd appreciate hearing some honest experiences because right now I feel like I'm standing at the edge of something exciting and terrifying at the same time.