u/ExuberantWitness1701

Ever since losing my favorite person a month or so ago, I have been sobbing practically everyday, trying to talk to friends who are still around, and trying to make new friends. I wouldn't wish BPD on the worst person in the world.

Wednesdays and weekends will always be rough for me whenever I think about fp. While I did get multiple instances of compassionate closure from them; I feel like my body is on fire everyday now that they are gone.

I'm trying to make new friends; and there's someone who has been really sweet as of late, but I am now asking them to not abandon me. I don't intend for them to be a new fp, I just want to be loved and understood. I want my favorite person back; I want to start over; I want to make more friends;l I want someone to fall in love with me so I can feel like someone important.

I hope my favorite person comes back and gives me another chance. I'm also a mess because I stayed up till 3am; even though most of it was me hanging out with a longtime friend who means the world to me. Staying up late in general hasn't helped my mental health.

I'm also taking Lamotragine and realizing it makes me drowsy; so I have to move it to a nighttime dosage. I missed last night's dosage. Idk what to do anymore. I just need hugs, friends, love.

I want my favorite person back; ill do better for them; they deserve a better friendship form me and I can provide that. Can anyone relate? Can someone tell me i am not alone and they are dealing with this too?

I miss you, friendo. I hope I get another chance with you; I promise ill be a better friend. I promise.

I miss you so much; so so much. I am sorry my BPD cost our friendship. I'll do better I promise. I swear to you I won't spiral on you anymore. I'm sobbing over losing you; you were everything to me. I'll strive to be your best friend; to support you.

Please come back. Please.

I cannot live without you.

It's almost been a month since I lost my fp due to my BPD. They have been kind about closure since then, but I am still sobbing daily and want to rip out my stomach. I miss them terribly. I hope they come back one day. All I can do is hope. I know I could be a better person and manage my bpd.

Here come the tears again.
I'm sorry, fp. I'm so sorry.

Everyday I cry; everyday I want to rip my stomach out....everyday I miss them. Everyday I think about how happier they must be without me. How they get to sleep more, how they have a loving boyfriend and family who brings them happiness. They were there for me, and all I did was focus on the bad. I feel lost; completely lost.

In April I lost my favorite person due to being too overwhelming to them. Their loved ones pushed to end the friendship and I have been in sorrow ever since. I have been practically crying everyday and I miss them terribly. I don't know how to cope. Everyone is saying time heals all wounds and they will maybe come back one day. The doors are open to them....I just can't live without them.