u/Exxtendoo

Or “turning the light inwards” as I’ve heard it called. Avalokiteshvara says it’s the key to her defeating fear.

How is it done? How do you “look for what’s looking?”

I’m currently reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Zen Keys and listening to his audiobook of “FEAR”.

I’ve come to realize that a lot of my rumination, anxiety, and desire is ultimately driven by fear, and at its core, a fear of death.

In FEAR, Nhat Hanh describes Buddha’s concept of no-birth and no-death. In Zen Keys, he describes his concept of Interbeing.

Intellectually, I understand the concept. My own flesh and bones that I carry with me are made of some stuff that existed before I was born, some stuff I ate while living, much of it constantly being replaced… I didn’t come from nothing and I won’t become nothing when I die. I’ll give back what I borrowed. And, of course, the concept of “I” is a nebulous misnomer in itself.

Perhaps there’s no way to understand this cognitively, but… I still can’t wrap my head around the idea of no-death that Nhat Hanh claims will bring me peace once I learn to understand and accept.

Yes, every part of me will dissipate back into the world. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed.

But my experience is a system, and I’m afraid for that system to end because it is the only thing I’ve ever know to experience with. I guess I’m too attached to the self, which intellectually is one of the fundamental errors of samsara… but I love life, even with its suffering. I cherish experience. Even when things are miserable to me, there’s so much beauty. So much of it that the fear of losing it can keep me paralyzed, ruminating, and “living like a corpse”.

For those further along the path than me, how do you grapple with our eventual transformation out of this manifestation and into our next one(s)?

Hey y'all,

I've been sitting 30 minutes of shikantaza twice a day for 31 days now, and I've been going to a Zen center for the past two weeks.

The first three weeks of my practice were, honestly, pretty great. No, not every sit was perfect satori, but around the 20-minute mark (I know it was 20 min because that's about when my left foot would fall asleep every time), I did enter a deep state of presence that I could take off the cushion with me. I shed some tears on the cushion, and I even had what I refer to as an "ego nap" on the cushion, where I realized that my ego is truly just a story I'm telling myself in my head. Of course, it came roaring back a couple of days later, which is why I say ego nap and not ego death.

The last week, though, has been pretty brutal. I'm dreading going to the cushion, I'm moving a lot more, zoning out more, and the last ~10 min have been especially brutal, essentially just waiting for the bell to ring.

It's such that I'm almost considering giving up because I feel like I'm regressing. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Blessings.

I've been meditating on and off for ~10 years and recently committed to a consistent, daily zen practice of 30 minute zazen twice a day -- or at least once if the day's going to be busy. Since then I've noticed genuine improvements in my life. Not that that's the point. But 'just sitting' has fundamentally changed the way that I relate to my body sensations, my thoughts, and reactions to the world around me. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so that's huge for me.

The thing is I'm a very insecure/introverted/neurotic & self-depricating person, and a lot of my self-talk is very negative. I'm having a better time not identifyign with the negative thoughts. But what can I do to change the CONTENT of my thoughts? If i had to not cling to thought, I think I'd be happier and healthier detaching from intrusive positive thoughts than the constant pity party and self-doubt that runs in my head 24/7.

Does any literature speak to this, maybe? Or your own experiences?

I've been meditating on and off for ~10 years and recently committed to a consistent, daily zen practice of 30 minute zazen twice a day -- or at least once if the day's going to be busy. Since then I've noticed genuine improvements in my life. Not that that's the point. But 'just sitting' has fundamentally changed the way that I relate to my body sensations, my thoughts, and reactions to the world around me. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so that's huge for me.

The thing is I'm a very insecure/introverted/neurotic & self-depricating person, and a lot of my self-talk is very negative. I'm having a better time not identifyign with the negative thoughts. But what can I do to change the CONTENT of my thoughts? If i had to not cling to thought, I think I'd be happier and healthier detaching from intrusive positive thoughts than the constant pity party and self-doubt that runs in my head 24/7.

Does any literature speak to this, maybe? Or your own experiences?

I've been really stressed and overwhelmed with work and some personal life revelations & trials I've gone through recently. I was attending to my guerreros yesterday and in the middle of praying, I started bursting out crying. I actually surprised myself because I wasn't expecting it and I rarely cry.

I read online somewhere, or maybe saw in a TikTok video (probably my first mistake), that you shouldn't cry in front of Eshu.

How do you all feel about this and crying in front of your Orisha more generally? I was in a moment of desperation and pain and felt my warriors were the only ones I could turn to in that moment.