Didn’t get UPU or Matrikulasi, struggling a bit mentally
I just needed somewhere to put this down because it’s been sitting heavy in my head for a while.
I recently got rejected from both UPU and Matrikulasi, and honestly it hit me harder than I expected. I know logically there are other paths, but emotionally it still feels like I fell behind everyone else around me.
Most of my friends have already secured their places in public uni or matriculation, and I’ve been stuck at home since December just waiting for appeal results. During this time, I’ve found myself feeling low, anxious, and kind of disconnected from people. I still go out sometimes for dinner with family, but most days I just stay home and don’t really feel like meeting anyone.
It’s not that I don’t have friends. I just avoid conversations because I don’t want to be asked where I ended up or have to explain everything. I guess I feel embarrassed, or like people might see me differently now.
Im waiting for an acceptance letter from iium’s direct intake into a private route instead. Their foundation in law. I’m grateful I still have a path forward, but at the same time I feel conflicted. Part of me worries people will think I’m just “privileged” or that I only ended up here because I had no other choice.
Another thing is im worried if im not good enough for iium even through their direct intake. Im worried about having to learn arabic since I dont even have the basics for it. I dont feel like im as educated in my deen as the students there should be.
I know private uni isn’t the end of the world, and I keep telling myself that. But some days the anxiety and overthinking just gets loud, especially when I think about how fast everything changed compared to what I expected earlier this year.
I guess I’m just trying to process everything and move forward slowly. If anyone has been through something similar, I’d honestly appreciate hearing how you dealt with it.
Thanks for reading.