u/FabulousDot609

There is a lot of back story here but it’s not all that complicated. Husband wants me to be a SAHM. I was for 5 years and during that time he developed a serious alcohol problem, where at times he was abusive towards me. We’ve had some very, very low points, but I thought we had pulled out of it and made it to the other side until a recent argument happened where he was drinking again. I was upset bc he basically spent the entire afternoon in his car in the driveway drinking. He was upset bc during the summer, bc I have a job now, he has to watch the kids and work at same time 4 days a week. During the school year (10 month out of year) I take kids to school and pick them up and work at same time. He doesn’t have to do anything for those 10 month. I do everything else. During this fight he said it was a mistake marrying me.

Idk if it’s my personality but when things like this are said to me, I can’t let them go. I would never say something like this to him…. I feel like, you don’t say stuff like that unless it’s true. Therefore, it must be true that he actually feels that way. Maybe that’s the reason for the drinking in the first place. Maybe that’s the cause of his depression. He made a mistake marrying me and he’s been living with that mistake for almost 10 years now.

What do I do? All I want is for him to be happy. Now I feel like I know the reason for his misery and it was me this whole time…

Tl;dr: Discovered I am the root cause for Husbands misery. He won’t want a divorce but I also don’t believe he will ever be truly happy married to me.

My life is perfect and beautiful when Q is sober. When Q drinks, it’s the complete opposite- a nightmare. If Q is sober, we never fight.. I honestly don’t understand how or why couples fight it’s that good. When Q drinks, we fight bc Q treats me like absolute garbage. Angry, rude, sits in car in driveway and drinks all night..verbally abusive-Some of things Q has said to me while drinking, I still can’t get over. Even years later those words are still burned into my brain changing who I am and what I can do. Does Q remember when sober? No. But It doesn’t matter bc I’ll never forget.

It got really, really bad for us. I thought I needed a divorce and was starting to prepare myself for the hardship. Then, Q gets a DUI. At first, Q didn’t stop drinking. The probation officer says they’ll throw Q in jail if Q fails another test. Q then goes sober and for 8 months, my life is so good. Things get so much better. Q is an active, caring, involved parent again. Q actually starts helping me around the house - prior to this, I did EVERYTHING. (Q thinks bc Q makes more money, this should be the setup) Q starts taking care of Q’sself. Q and I relationship improves immensely. Sex life becomes better than ever. Everything is perfect again…it’s so easy to forget how fast it can go to complete shit.

Q fulfilled the court sentence and is now free to drink again. And just like that, all that beauty and happiness is turned on its head again. Q gives it all up for alcohol. Q gives up a happy relationship with partner, Q gives up on being a good parent, Q gives up on health and hygiene, Q gives up on having a beautiful home and a beautiful family, all for alcoholism.

I knew it would happen…I am not that naive. Still hurts to watch something so beautiful turn into something so sad just for alcohol.