u/Fabulous_Dirt_1764

My wife and I (both mid 30s) have been married 11 years. In the past 2 years she has stopped taking her Cymbalta anti anxiety/depression meds 4 times. Each time it is a living hell. She hates me (but loves everyone else), and she cant even tell me why. She will just say I just piss her off. Everytime she decides she wants a divorce. She typically yells at me to not bring up her meds, that she doesnt believe they are the reason for her sudden changes and thats her true self and shes not going back on the meds.

I have told her on several occasions I am perfectly fine with her getting off the meds, i dont believe she should have gotten on them to begin with, but she should try to taper off. Our life when shes not withdrawing, is very affectionate and we typically support each other well. She literally doesnt have any complaints, at least not that she tells me. I support her, comfort her, help with all chores and kids and provide financially. Sex life is relatively good when she doesnt hate me.

Since shes in this funk, and she believes she is fine, she will not tell her therapist she quit meds and acts like theres nothing going on in the marriage. I considered reaching out to her therapist but decided its not really a life or death emergency and I shouldnt over step.

This marks the 4th time, she has started looking for apartments within the first 2 weeks of going off the meds. And the worst part, she knew she was going to quit them. She made a joke to get ready and appreciates me sticking with her, then forces me to suffer through silent treatment and even verbal abuse. In reality, the conscious choice before actually stopping the meds is a killer. Like she expects me to be her punching bag.

I believe her deciding to get off them is a midlife crisis or even early perimenopause where she is feeling like she needs changes so she reverts to quitting the meds.

I am lost.

My wife and I both mid 30s have been married going on 14 years. Sex life at first was amazing like most marriages, soaking the sheets type of arousal.

As the marriage went on and kids became a priority, sex became more scarce. Maybe once a month, and then it hit every other month around our 10th year. At this point we had some discussion and it was all the typical its just her. Maybe its hormones or medications. But she never took action to check those things out. Eventually I brought up marriage counseling and bought her a vibrator so she could explore and get herself in the mood. Just trying to spark something. And of course, offered to help use the toy with her.

For years my advances were largely turned away, and similar story to a lot of married men, I just stopped asking out of fear of rejection.

In counseling she agreed to do it once a week, and honestly I 100% didnt feel right about it. Almost like I was forcing it. But sometimes its not about not wanting it, its about just not prioritizing it. I thought maybe in time it would spark a bit more desire from her so I said ok.

We would schedule a night, and often times she would delay it for various reasons. The standard excuses always posted here on reddit.

She would deny me but use her vibrator. She would leave it out and thats how I knew it was being used. I brought it up and she told me I was being controlling.

We discussed it in counseling, i talked a lot how i just didn't feel like I was sexually desired anymore. I repeated it for years of counseling. That she wasnt attracted to me anymore but she would always deny it.

Then one day a couple months ago she told me she wasnt attracted to me. Not physically unattracted, but that my confidence was a desire killer for her.

This brought me down even further. Years of being rejected is what cost me my confidence. But honestly, only with her. I get hit on, and I know females find me attracted. I know i could find it elsewhere. But my confidence in approaching her bc of constant rejection has led me to the point where I literally do not know how to approach my wife. And I realized its been like this for years. The thought of approaching her makes me shutter as I over think it. And I know whatever I do is immediate rejection, and she will say how about this or that day. And so I dont. I have not approached my wife for awhile.

Since telling me this she told me she was just depressed and second guessing life. That being unattracted to me is not the case, and shes back to once a week. Shes doing a lot to compliment me etc.

In reality, have we both let ourselves go a bit? Sure. But i am not obese, i am still an active man in various sports. I help around the house, she doesnt complain about anything like that, she always thanks me even when I say its not necessary to thank me. Sex when we have it is good, I am not a selfish lover and I know how to get her off. Even if she thought things were getting boring and wanted to spice it up one way or another, she doesnt seem interested.

So anywho, I have zero confidence with my wife of 14 years.

I have been married to my wife for 16 years, but sleeping with other men the entire time. Its something I have struggled with for a long time now, I know its wrong and I try not to submit to those urges. But after it keeps building and building I always cave. Then comes the deep regret, why do I do this, why do I betray her and my family. We have a decent sex life, its not that. I believe its stems for childhood sexual trauma. I care for her, but I just cant seem to stop myself from doing it. I am not religous yet I find myself praying to God for help during my regret. Im tired of feeling like a POS, and im searching for advice and guidance on how to calm these demons.