u/Fabulous_Source7962

i’m 20 and autistic. i’ve never had a stable friend group in school, i was bouncing constantly between them to fit in bc i didn’t know where i belonged. i dropped out of school when i was 14 because i became depressed and suicidal, this was right before covid.
none of my ‘friends’ ever reached out to check on me, nor did they care when i went back to finish my GCSE’s. i started sixth form and had no friends there either, i was 17.
i dropped out a week later. ever since 2019, i’ve been isolated; i can barely go outside by myself, my only ‘friends’ are online and reply once ina blue moon. my only last standing irl friend initiated plans with me and decided to ghost me for no reason.

i don’t talk to anyone anymore. the countless failed toxic / abusive relationships ive been through that landed me in hospital, the emotional neglect from my mother and brothers and an absent father, an incredible lacking amount of no support from MH services… i’m done, truly. i’m so tired.

i’ve been talking to someone new, and it was great up until today. she’s been so sweet and so consistent and now she’s suddenly gone ghost, left me on delivered but was previously (literally yesterday) writing good morning / night messages, talking back and fourth…her taking accountability and apologising. i had a real glimpse of something good, until she disappeared. it’s been 9 days of talking to her so it obviously isn’t serious, but i just can’t — it was my fear of avoiding it all at first and now it’s just …. poof. to get your hopes up, to be happy and giddy to total numbness and familiarity.

all i do is bed rot, doomscroll, eat and colour - which i haven’t even done in over a week because i have no energy. i’m too young for this. i should be out drinking with friends and being a person and i feel like a shell of a human. it’s “come with me to ___” and it’s me tagging along with my mum just for her to run errands while i follow behind. i literally don’t have a life. i have no education , no job, no real friends. i’m stuck in a room all day every day.

KEEP THE ICE PACKS😭😭😭they are a lifesaver in this weather.
i’m sweating bollocks and my fan is doing fuck all. i’m hugging an ice pack wrapped in a towel and it WORKS

i started march 29th, so just about a month now!!

first 4 weeks on 2.5 and the symptoms are pretty mild / tolerable. the side effects hit me immediately within 30-45 minutes and my portions immediately got smaller.

i’ve noticed less inflammation in my hands when standing, and some sort of anti anxiety relief?? i’m unsure if anybody has or is experiencing this too but i’m finding myself to be calmer? no racing thoughts, no palpitations, nervousness. NOTHING.

i had just started 5mg 4 days ago and of course being used to the lower dose, the symptoms have started all over again and lasted much longer but slowly fading.

in one month, i’ve lost 8lbs (3.6kg) !! and i’ve never been better. my picture tracking already has a mild but completely noticeable difference; especially within my back fat.

i chose not to calorie count since im extremely sensitive (or less now) to knowing my weight, and worries that it could cause some serious mental health problems. nonetheless, im still in a calorie deficit and not much of by diet has changed. i do miss my late night snacking though.

side note: ive been big chested since i started puberty, having dealing with clothes that make me look like a tent, sweat rashes, back pain — i’ve noticed my… bazongas, have gotten smaller, noticeably. don’t get me wrong, i hate and love my chest, but im so terrified of losing them too😭

despite only being 20, im aware im at a better chance of them not completely sagging, but GOD is it a fear.