Clutches make me irrationally angry.
Whenever I see a clutch for sale, it pisses me off. I hate impractical bags altogether, but the clutch is the most impractical bag of all, so I hate that one the most. What is the point of a bag? It is to put stuff in it you might need and then attach it to your body in a way that gives you the freedom to do other stuff with your hands. (For the record, I don't consider clutches with straps to be clutches. Those are just bags that are likely a bit too small.)
Sure, they look chic. But you know what's not chic? Having to spend your mental energy on the fact that in practice, you only have one hand now. Because your other hand is now holding a contraption that stores your phone, your keys, your cards, your ID, and when you lose that contraption, which you know you might if you don't focus all night on NOT LOSING THAT THING, you can't just get home as usual anymore. You will have to walk over to the house of anyone who has a spare key of yours. You will show up there unannounced, because you lost your phone and even if you managed to find someone willing to borrow you their phone, no one knows each other's phone numbers anymore. So you will ring their bell at 5 o'clock in the morning, because they live that far away and that's how long it takes to walk over there in your high heels in the freezing cold and the heavy rain. And even if they say they don't, deep down you will feel like they hate you for waking them up to ask for spare keys to your house. Because in your mind, they will have lost all of their respect for you. Because who loses a clutch? No respectable person ever loses a clutch! Any regular woman would dance the night away in stiletto heels, looking immaculate from head to toe, totally in control, while holding her pristine clutch tightly in her pristine hands pristinely. Why can't you do the bare minimum that can be expected from a woman? And then they'll ask you if you need a ride home. And you'll feel like declining. Sure, your feet are killing you and it'll be hours before you get home and you could definitely use a nap, but you'll burden them. You don't want to burden them, you brought this on to yourself! You should have held your clutch more tightly! Depending on how tired you are, you may or may not accept a ride home, but you know they will never see you the same way again.
Also, they'll get hot, sweaty and sticky and once you've spilled a drink all over your hands, that drink will also get on your clutch within a minute. You'll need to wash them every day! No thanks.