u/Fair_Elk_777

ayoko na talaga

my “partner” keeps saying were “working things out”, pero honestly hindi ko na ramdam na we are. he wants space, peace, freedom, and at this point, i dont even know why hes still here when he cant even stand me

every day, he disrespects me. he doesnt know that i know what hes doing, and ive just been staying silent. when youve been cheated on multiple times in past relationships, you learn different ways to confirm and fully validate kung nagsisinungaling ba talaga ang tao and if theyre keeping their word. you dont even need his accounts. maybe its not cheating in the most technical definition but it is still cheating

i know everything

ive always known i never really wanted to live long. the only reason im still here is because of him. i already gave up on life then i met him so i gave life another chance

but now im seriously thinking na mag let go. not just of him, but of life too. because deep down, i feel like this is what he really wants anyway. it feels like hes only staying because hes stuck, because im spiraling and my mental health is not ok and im doing my best not to let him see it. im trying so hard to look ok. to look strong. para he doesnt feel stuck and guilty

and i know hes not okay either for a lot of reasons. i dont want to become one more reason hes not okay. i was never really a priority to begin with, and now ive been pushed down even more. theres a new priority in his life now, and its waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy above me

something just took over me then the next thing i knew, kinukuha ko na yung butcher knife sa kitchen. i dont think i have the full courage yet to actually hurt myself badly, so maliit na cut lang. surprisingly, i felt relieved after. even caught myself nakangiti while tinitignan yung small cut. then I made a video.

earlier today, i invited someone to go to church with me, pero busy sya so i ended up just staying home. i dont really believe in religion or the church, pero naisip ko maybe going there would make me feel a little better. i dont know. i didnt eat anything at all today so i cant think clearly.

i asked that person again if pwede sya tomorrow, pero binawi ko rin agad kasi alam kong busy sya. and i dont want to be a burden. because i always am. a burden. to that person.

im not even sure why im giving this update. maybe because somehow, ang gaan sa pakiramdam na masabi yung mga bagay na ilang years ko ng kinikimkim.

Hello! May mare-recommend ba kayo kung saan pwede mag apply as a freelance instructional designer? First time ko mag venture into freelancing. So far, sa usual job sites lang ako nakakakita like LinkedIn, JobStreet, and Upwork. I was wondering if may lesser-known platforms or communities where I can connect more directly with clients. I prefer morning shift sana.

Nag try din ako mag search online, pero mixed reviews yung ibang platforms, so medyo nahihirapan din ako mag-trust kung alin yung worth pursuing.

Would really appreciate any recommendations or tips. Thank you!

I always knew I wanted to die but I never believed I could actually bring myself to do anything about it.

Earlier today I accidentally cut myself. Later, I did it again on purpose. They were only small cuts, but it made me realize it didn’t feel impossible anymore.

Now I can’t stop thinking about how maybe I actually could do it.