u/FaithlessnessWise254

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Anyone else feel like this right now? I guess I'm at the stage of the breakup where I'm reflecting back on everything, and I'm starting to see how messy she truly was. Now, I know that I'm FAR from perfect myself and I've made plenty of mistakes during the relationship that I'm currently working on. But after weighing the pros and cons, I realized she wasn't that great, and it's making me question why I was even crying over this person.

My ex made me feel like I was playing detective with all the lying and deceit she was doing. It made me never feel truly secure in our relationship. The worst part was that she NEVER admitted to any of her lies when I caught her and would only double down on them or make an excuse for them. Like, I confronted her about whether or not her ex was dead, and she just kept selling me the same old story that she was lied to and just deflected. But what she didn't know was that I read her secret lil poem that she posted online about said ex that was supposed to be a closure poem but didn't feel like that at all and what she wrote confirmed that he was still alive and she was trying to talk to him. This was also 3 months into our relationship. She'd even lie about small things like smoking or using Reddit. Actually, now that I'm writing this, she told me that she usually cuts all ties and communication with her exes/people she dislikes... but how the heck did some of her exes amd the people who was "stalking her" get in contact with her? And why was she arguing with them and giving them attention? When we broke up and went into no contact she didn't even say a word to me... Man, I think I was getting played 😭.

Or the fact that 90% of the time, I would always be the first to apologize for things and the things I would be apologizing for were absurd. Why did I have to apologize for saying that she can call me whenever she wants? Or that I will prioritize her over many other people? Or that I will drive 5 hours to go see her? Sometimes she would even yell at me pretty badly and say some pretty hurtful things. But what makes me even more mad was the fact that she would only apologize after I apologized or when I started to pull away. She'd also sometimes say something like "yeah what you said was pretty stupid ngl" after I just apologized! She said that she goes to therapy, but I don't even know if that's true or not anymore.

I also realized that she was a person who hated losing control over anything. Which explains why she was so quick to break up after I was done with hearing all the BS excuses. She was also a manipulator and kept playing the victim card A LOT, only taking accountability when it made her look good.

I will say that she's very beautiful, hardworking, has a great sense of humor, is very affectionate, and has great communication skills, which all made me attracted to her. But man, I could make an entire book about all the negative traits now that I'm seeing things clearly. I haven't even gotten to all the contradictions, inconsistencies, the MASSIVE red flags about her past, etc. I feel like a fool for not listening to my gut from the very start. But I'll admit, that relationship taught me a lot about myself and is helping me grow for future relationships, and I'm honestly grateful for that.

Edit: Spelling errors

Broke up with my ex about a month ago now. The break up was pretty messy but long story short, she broke up with me because I caught her in lies and inconsistencies. The last thing she sent me was an Email to never contact her again and that any other form of contact is considered harassment. She also told other people that she no longer feels safe around me. So fast forward a month later aka yesterday and she just randomly unblocked me on Facebook but still has me blocked on all other socials.

Im pretty sure she found someone else already, mainly because she was the type that needed multiple people for validation. But what I dont understand is why unblock me? At first, i thought it was to just check up to see how I was doing but i never share my life my social. Not even update my profile lol.

I have no desire to speak with her, i fact i was doing really really great on healing. But seeing her name pop up on my messager kinda made me set back a bit and made me hope she would apologize and tell the truth on things. But I know i wont ever get that and I know thinking about all this is a huge waste of time. I did block her, but that hope of getting a sincere apology got to me so I unblocked again. But now i feel stupid because im almost certain that she's and advoidant and narcissist so getting accountability from her after a month will never happen. Now i gotta wait 48hrs to block again and I hate that.