u/False_Positive_6266

(it’s legal in our area, so nothing like that)

it sucks so bad sometimes cuz like, knowing your partner has been with some crazy people before you is like ‘well okay, that’s meh but at least they for sure don’t want anything to do with them anymore’

but with prostitution 9/10 it’s a positive experience, and duly mind blowing

I’ve asked if I was the best sex he ever had and I got a very flat: ‘I don’t like these questions’

eventually he admitted I wasn’t, and that I was pretty far down the list in terms of skill

but apparently ‘in terms of love’ im the best, whatever the fuck that means

i want to be as good as that, and he was like ‘well it’s their full time job to be like that, it would have to be your full time job too’

so im fucked essentially lmfao, cuz I can’t be in the gym 24/7 or taking pole dancing classes or getting non stop beauty appointments

i wish i was as satisfying as they were to him, and not because my metrics got fluffed with ‘love’ ts sucks

makes me never wanna have sex ever again

we live together and have been living together for 2 years

most times he will ask me something or ask me about my day, and I’ll talk for a bit about it then he will just say nothing, for about 5 minutes and then he will ask me something completely random

this morning he asked me why i was stressed after he was freaking out all morning, and im not even exaggerating, when he gets overwhelmed he will shake, and kick and groan and whine and just overall kinda really loose it, and if we talk about it and he disagrees or doesn’t understand, he will interrupt me with a yell of ‘WELL WHY???’

he was stressed over money, so was I, but I didn’t slam and kick my feet on the bed for an hour this morning over it, I just kinda figured out a plan in my head and carried on, because I knew I couldn’t talk to him when he was like this so I just talked him into feeling better, but by then, my chronic illness flared up and I was in pain, so he asked me what was wrong

so I explained why I was stressed (work, money, deciding what I want to do with my life, how I was upset because I feel like sometimes he doesn’t listen to me) and he just said nothing, for 5 minutes, then he made a joke about an email he got, and then he got quiet and sad and asked me ‘why do you get so frustrated when I try to explain why im upset to you?’ And I said ‘well, it’s because you don’t hold any space for my emotions but you expect me to hold space for yours and talk you through it, I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to do that for 2 people’ he said ‘how do I not hold space for your emotions? I listen to everything you say?’ And I said ‘how am I supposed to know? I’m not in your head, also, why would I want to talk about my problems with someone who is not talking to me?’ And his response was ‘idk what you want me to say sometimes so I just say nothing’

I didn’t respond and we just silently drove to work

We get there, and I say I need the card for gas (we pool finances) and he doesn’t say anything, and starts getting his stuff to leave and says ‘no you don’t’ and im like ‘hey, I have like 50 miles left i really do’ and he was like ‘I don’t want to spend money’ and continued to get out of the car, he stopped and said ‘I’m upset, im upset with work, im upset with life, im upset that you think me not responding to you means I don’t love you and that I hate you, I’m upset with this all’ and I said ‘I’m upset too, don’t worry about the card, I’ll ask my dad for money’ and he threw the card into the cup holder and slammed the door

im tired, and idk what to do