Thinking about quitting my first “big girl job.” Thoughts?
Sorry this is so long. I want some feedback from other people besides my boyfriend and co-workers. I’m a 24 y/o female with diagnosed level 1 autism, which I prefer not to disclose to my employers. I started working as a teller at a small local bank six months ago while my boyfriend was temporarily out of work. I originally planned to stay for at least a year, but after six months I feel I’ve reached my limit. Basically, there’s nothing to do… like literally NOTHING. I’m lucky if I get enough calls/customers to keep me busy for a quarter of my nine hour day combined. I know this sounds like a wet dream to some people, but there’s only so much staring at my phone and out the window I can do day after day before I find myself ripping out my hair and cuticles. The day starts at 7:45 am. I posted about how tired I was during work to this exact sub almost 100 days ago, and it’s only gotten slightly better. I still never fully adjusted to the schedule and blame the complete lack of activity combined with my own circadian rhythm. I find the intensely rule-oriented environment of a bank very frustrating but it hasn’t caused me any real-life problems so far. I just don’t like banking very much. It can be interesting sometimes, but it’s mostly just taking care of rich old peoples feelings while they wave their money around in my face like it makes any difference to me. I also only have four coworkers– one boss, one CSR, and two high school students who are also tellers. I think they’re all great people, but I’m not particularly fond of being so socially close with my co-workers– it gets obnoxious and awkward often. Sometimes I find them quite yappy and attention seeking but I feel bad for thinking that. The two high school students are leaving for college in August which will leave me as the only teller (This bank is notorious in town for staffing issues. I doubt they’ll find anyone else to hire any time soon.) My boss constantly questions me on whether or not I actually “want to be here” and I always say yes to stay out of trouble, but now that I know I’m counted on to be the last teller standing, I don’t feel like I want to be here at all sometimes. I feel like I’m being coerced into something that’s not my responsibility for very little benefit. They provide small bonuses here and there and pay for some nice classes and I’m supposed to be grateful. I get paid $20/hr, which isn’t terrible, but it’s still not enough to save money easily in my area, and there are now positions open to work at gas stations and grocery stores within walking distance of my apartment for $17/hr. I find myself fantasizing about just… stocking shelves again. I’m feeling increasingly restless and resentful as the weeks go by. I’m really sleepy and mentally drained all the time. I rarely do anything with my evenings or weekends anymore and have started struggling with basic things like keeping my house clean. I just have no energy or motivation. I really want to better my routines and personal life and just don’t have the drive. I’ve never had this problem to such an extent with any job or ever, and I’m starting to consider it a negative feedback loop that’s holding me back from making any real progress. I feel like I’ve lost everything I like about myself. Am I being a big baby or is it okay to quit the big girl job and go back to retail? Would it be terrible to let them down? I’m not sure if it would be okay to lose my accrued time, make some of the only people I know well mad at me, and start at a new place :(
Edit: This post has already somehow attracted drama. Sorry for mentioning I’m a young female. Won’t happen again. Obviously I’m not just quitting with no plan and I didn’t say that. Thanks!