I’m 22F & disclosed my HSV status to my boyfriend after he said he wanted to have a serious conversation about our relationship. During that discussion, I explained why I had been putting sex off for some time.
Long story short, he would randomly break up with me for no solid reason, then come back. It hurt me deeply & caused severe depression because this was someone I had to grow love for over time. I was still healing from a previous breakup when I met him, so my heart wasn’t fully there at first. I ignored my doubts, built genuine love for him, & the constant cycle of breaking up and returning took a huge emotional toll on me.
During our conversation he kept kissing on me, & that’s when I disclosed my status. He still decided he wanted to have sex & promised he would never tell anyone. I’m on daily suppressive therapy & he wore 2 condoms.
Now I’m terrified that I may have transmitted it to him & I don’t know how to feel. The very next day he admitted he had been cheating throughout the relationship & has a baby on the way with a woman who lives in another country. He also admitted she may not be the only woman.
We had been planning a future together, talking about having children once we became financially stable, so hearing that completely shattered me. It’s hard going to work & school pretending everything is okay when I’m hurting this badly.
My mind keeps spiraling. What if I infected him? What if he spreads it to the mothers of his children? What if all of this comes back to haunt me? I really don’t know how to process any of this.
On top of everything, I recently went no contact with my family, so I already feel emotionally alone. Right now I feel empty, used, abandoned, & mentally exhausted.
Any advice?