u/FancyCrocheter18

Some backstory: I have one of those bed frames where the backboard is shelves and I keep my books on top of my backboard. I do have a large amount of books on the shelf, to the point where I can no longer stuff anymore books in there. I also have some books and an Eeyore (from winnie the pooh) plushie stacked on top of the books on the shelf. Now to the question: nearly once a week, "The Picture of Dorian Gray" slips out of the book shelf and onto my pillow, along with my Eeyore plushy. The Eeyore is pretty pushed back from the edge of the book it sits on. I have tried moving Dorian Gray into different places in the shelf, but it always falls. Is this because of the pressure from the other books? If so, why does the Eeyore always fall? sorry if this sounds like a dumb question.

This post might be long and all over the place so I'm sorry in advice.

I guess I should give you some background before I really get into it. My dad was married before he met my mom. He got married at 19, had a kid at 19 (who I've only met three times), and divorced at 19. He met my mom right after the divorce. They dated for a while, and at some point my dad had to temporarily move to Arizona to work some construction out there. My mom would drive up every weekend to visit (from SoCal), and one weekend she found a pair of women's underwear under his bed. He blamed his roommate's dog, claiming it had dragged it in there. My mom didn't break up with with then, but he broke up with her a couple of months after. Then, 6 months later they were back together. My dad has told me that he often wouldn't listen to my mom and would ditch her for his friends when they were dating. You should know that my dad has always had a problem with addiction, specifically alcohol and nicotine. My mom ended up getting knocked up while they were still dating and my dad proposed a few months later. They had set a date but that date got canceled. I've heard that it was because my mom found my dad flirting with a waitress pretty heavily at a bar. I've also heard it was because my grandma relapsed. Either way, my parents didn't end up getting married until my older brother was a little older than 1. Then about a year after that I came along.

My dads alcoholism has gotten significantly worse in the past couple of years due to stress from his job (he's a plumber, which has one of the highest percentage of alcoholics). For as long as I can remember, my dad would go outside to smoke a cigarette in his truck. Recently the time he spends outside has increased to multiple hours a day. Last summer my parents started going to couples therapy once a week as a result to this. In august, my dad decided he wanted to quit all the drinking since his liver cirrhosis was not getting any better. He wanted to go cold turkey, which is probably one of the worst things to do when quitting any addiction (withdrawals can be extremely dangerous) . In September, he went up to his dads house for a week in hopes that the solitude would help him quit. It worked for a good two weeks after he got home, until I saw him trying to hide a buzzball in his truck. I think it was November that he started to go on little day trips. He would leave really early in the morning each sunday, drive up to which ever location he chose that weekend (usually many hours away), and drive home the same day. He always invited us to go, but no one wanted to wake that early to go to the middle of no where. One sunday, he decided to go to the desert 5 hours away after it had rained. He left a 3 am and roamed about for a little. He ended up rolling his truck and he was stranded with no service in the middle of the desert. The windows shattered, the roof came in, and the engine was running on thoughts and prayers. He managed to drive it to a nearby church, call AAA and call my mom. He didn't make it home till 10 pm. The following 2 weeks he slept on the couch, not because my mom was mad at him but because he was mad at her. She would let him fix the truck since it would've just been cheaper and quicker to get a new used car. My brother needed a car to get me and him to and from school. My dad wanted to buy a four wheeler (we live in the suburbs in orange county). My mom reminded him that the new car would not be his new car, it would by my brothers. He got mad, said how "how can I sleep next to someone who doesn't care about me?" and slept on the couch. We had to borrow my grandparents car for my brother.

One day in December, my dad picked me up in the borrowed car to take me to the store to get my mom a Christmas present. The moment I stepped in, I know he was drunk. When your the child of an alcoholic, you learn their tells. I told him that we could just go another day, but he insisted so I crossed my fingers and we continued. Over the years, my dad has driven drunk with my and my brother multiple times, and I guess he got pretty good at it. But he wasn't used to the borrowed car. The breaks were more sensitive, so at first he was having trouble stopping, but it was nothing I was worried about. We arrived, he stumbled his way through the store, and we left with the present. On the way home, we were rolling up to a stop light, but he wasn't slowing down. The closer the got, the more worried I became. Right as we were pulling up to the idle car in front of us, I think I yelled at him to stop. He did. He mumbled something about how a small car like the one we were driving pulling up to the big car in front of us was funny, but at that point tears were pooling in my eyes and I was shaking. He offered to let me drive home, I was 14. I told my mom about when we got home, she told their marriage counselor, marriage counselor told CPS. I think it was supposed to be some sort of wake up call for my dad but it didn't work. They never came. He continued to drink.

Fast forward to now, the part where I need advice. Me and my family left town for the weekend in hopes of escaping the 4th of July fireworks. We went to a beach town pretty far away. I had a great time. There were so many otters and seals, my dad was taking picture after picture. I asked him to send it to me and he handed me the phone to do so. You know how when you click share on a photo, all the people you recently contacted come up? I clicked share, and a snapchat contact came up. It was titled "D". The bitmoji was of a blonde girl. My heart dropped. My dad has publicly hated on using snap. He said it was stupid, therefore I don't have it, so I don't really know how it works. When we got home, I went to the snapchat website and looked up his name (we have an extremely unique last name, like really really unique). There he was, 0 followers. I know I shouldn't but I want to go through his phone and see if what I'm thinking is true. I don't want to talk to my mom because the last thing they need is another pointless fight. I don't want to confront him because I know that will lead absolutely no where. I guess I'm asking for any advice. What should I do?