u/Fantastic_Feei

I've been sick for a while now. Years, actually. And for most of that time, I told myself it was temporary. I told myself I just needed to find the right doctor, the right treatment, the right answer. That once I figured it out, I'd get my life back. That this was just a chapter, not the whole book.

But lately, I've started to realize something that terrifies me: what if this isn't temporary? What if this is just… my life now?

What if the pain never fully goes away? What if the fatigue never lifts? What if all the things I thought I'd do "when I get better" are just things I'll never do? What if I'm never the person I used to be again?

I've been carrying this hope for so long. It's what kept me going. It's what got me through the hard days. But now I'm scared to let go of it. Because if I let go of the hope of getting better, then what's left? Just acceptance? Just learning to live with less? Just a smaller, quieter life than I ever imagined for myself?

I don't know how to grieve a life I haven't fully lived yet. But I think I need to start figuring that out. Because the hope is starting to feel heavier than the acceptance would.

My husband "David" and I have been married for 8 years. We share finances completely — joint account, joint savings, the works. I thought we were on the same page about budgeting.

Two weeks ago, I was going through our bank statements (we take turns managing bills) and noticed a recurring $1,200 monthly withdrawal I didn't recognize. It's been going out for three years. I asked David about it.

He admitted he's been supporting his older brother, "Mark" (42M), who has a developmental disability and can't work. Mark lives in a care facility. David has been paying the full cost — $1,200 a month — for THREE YEARS. He never told me. He said he "didn't want to stress me out" and "knew I'd say no."

I was floored. Not because I don't care about Mark — I do. But $1,200 a month is $43,000 we never discussed. That's not a small amount. We could have paid off our car twice over. We could have had a down payment for a house.

I told David I feel betrayed. Not by the money — by the secrecy. He made a huge financial decision that affects our future for three years and never once asked for my input. I said I need space and I'm thinking about moving to my mom's for a while.

He says I'm being unfair, that he was "protecting me" and I'm "making this about money when it's about family." His family is now texting me saying I'm "abandoning him in a difficult situation."

But the situation was only difficult because HE chose to hide it. Am I really the asshole here?