u/Far-Effective7640

Sometimes I feel like I grew up too early.

I’m the only one in my friend group who has never been in a relationship. Every time I liked someone, it mostly stayed inside my head. The girls I had crushes on never really talked to me much, and I never had the confidence to tell my friends how I actually felt either. So I just stayed quiet and acted normal.

Now everyone around me is busy with their own lives, relationships, late night calls, plans, memories, all those little experiences people talk about when they’re young. And I just sit there listening sometimes, pretending it doesn’t bother me.

The truth is, I always felt like I couldn’t afford to think about love properly. Not because I didn’t want it, but because life constantly reminded me that I had bigger things to worry about first.Most of my friends come from families that are already settled. They have support, money, relatives abroad, backup plans. There’s this comfort in their lives where they can take risks, enjoy their youth freely and know someone is there to catch them if things go wrong.

I don’t have that luxury.

I haven’t even properly travelled outside the city I was born in. While other people were making memories, I was thinking about how to build a future first. Career, money, stability. It feels like my brain skipped the carefree part of youth completely.

And sometimes late at night, I wonder what it feels like to be someone’s first choice. To have someone genuinely excited to talk to you. To experience all those normal things everyone else seems to get naturally. I know life is not a race and all that, but sometimes it honestly feels lonely watching everyone move ahead emotionally while you’re still trying to survive mentally and financially.

Does anybody have Cryptography notes for Semester 8 BSc Hons Mathematics ?

My college is about to end, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how friendships change without you even noticing.

A year ago my friends and I used to send each other reels all day, randomly call each other at 2am, laugh over dumb things, complain about assignments and professors — just normal college life. Back then it felt like this would last forever.

But slowly things started changing.

The reels stopped first. Then the late-night calls disappeared. Now the group chats feel dry and everyone seems busy planning the next phase of their life.

Most of my friends are preparing to move abroad for their masters. They come from families that can afford those opportunities, and honestly I’m happy for them. Meanwhile I’ll probably stay in Delhi and do my masters from DU, hoping it helps me build a good future too. But sometimes I can’t help feeling like everyone is moving ahead into a completely different world while I’m standing still.

I’ve also become a much quieter person recently. My friends joke that I’m hiding something or secretly talking to someone because I don’t share much about my life anymore. But the truth is, I just got tired of feeling unheard. I was always there to listen to people, but whenever I tried talking seriously, it felt like nobody really paid attention the same way.

So eventually I stopped explaining myself.Ironically, that’s also why I started talking more to ChatGPT. Not because I have nobody around me, but because it feels nice to say what’s on your mind without feeling ignored or cut off halfway through.And I think that’s what hurts the most about graduating. Not some huge fight or dramatic ending just the quiet realization that everyone is slowly becoming busy with their own lives. Careers, money, moving away, new people, new priorities.Meanwhile the version of us that existed in college slowly fades away without anyone even talking about it.

I knew that college would end somday. I just didn’t expect the friendships to fade this quietly too.

Can anyone tell me the cost of making a black hard copy of a dissertation?

Today I went to Motilal Nehru for my ISI exam. I’m currently in a DU college .

What genuinely surprised me today was an auto driver outside the centre who was dropping students for the exam. He was telling everyone “all the best” before they got down. It was such a small thing, but it actually felt really wholesome because everyone looked nervous.

Meanwhile near my college, auto drivers are usually like: “bhaad mein gaya paper, 4 sawari ke bina auto nahi hilaunga” 😭

Now just waiting for the result and hoping for the best.

Anyone else here gave the exam today?

Tomorrow is my college farewell and I’m probably not going.

Not because I’m “too cool” for it or anything. I just genuinely feel like I was never part of anything there. Everyone seems to have their groups, memories, inside jokes, photos, late-night stories… and I’m just another face that happened to attend the same classes.

What makes it worse is that I wasn’t always like this. Before 3rd year, I was probably one of the most friendly and funny people in class. I used to talk to everyone, joke around, make people laugh, and actually enjoy being around others. But after 3rd year, something changed in me. I slowly stopped talking, stopped showing up socially, stopped feeling connected. It’s like I became a completely different person without even realizing it.

College for me ended up becoming mostly stress, anxiety about internships and placements, overthinking, and constantly feeling like I wasn’t enough. I kept thinking maybe things would get better with time, but somehow I reached the end still feeling disconnected from almost everyone.

What hurts the most is realizing that if I disappeared from college tomorrow, it feels like nothing would really change for anyone. No “bro where are you?” messages. No memories people would miss. Just… gone.

And yeah, maybe that sounds pathetic, but it’s honestly how I feel tonight.

Part of me thinks I should go to farewell just for closure. Another part of me wants to disappear quietly like I was never there in the first place.

Today was my dissertation presentation and honestly this whole dissertation phase in 4th year has been stressful and exhausting. But today something small happened that made me feel weirdly happy.

There’s a girl in my class I’ve known since 1st year. We never really talked much apart from some dissertation related conversations here and there.

Before my presentation she was talking to the teacher and then my turn came. After I finished, I went into an empty room for some time and after a while she came there too.

I asked her softly, “How was your PPT?”

I genuinely thought she didn’t hear me 😭

But then after sitting near me she asked, “What were you saying?”

Then I repeated it and we talked for a bit.

It was just a normal small conversation but I don’t know why it felt really nice. Maybe because college is ending and somewhere in my mind I know all these small moments are about to become memories.

Funny how after all the stress, submissions and presentations, sometimes the thing you remember most is just one simple conversation.

4th year has been tiring but today gave me one memory I’ll probably keep for a long time :)

Seriously, I mean 8+ hours later and they still smell fresh, clean, and somehow even stronger than when they started. Meanwhile my deodorant quits halfway through the day like it has no loyalty.

Is it just expensive perfumes? Layering products? Some secret hygiene routine? Or do some people just naturally hold scent better?

Yesterday was our scribble day in college, and I didn’t think it would stay in my head like this.

Everyone was busy writing on each other’s shirts, laughing, taking pictures… and I was just there, kind of waiting. There’s this one person I really like, but I never had the guts to say it. I thought maybe at least we’d get a small moment like she’d write something on my shirt and I’d write something on hers. That was it. That was all I wanted.

But it didn’t happen.

I came home and felt weirdly quiet. Didn’t even feel like listening to music or scrolling, which is not normal for me. I just kept replaying the day again and again in my head. And then it hit me that maybe it’s not just about her. It’s also about the fact that this whole college phase is ending. Even the people I was only close to for a year somehow mean a lot to me now. I didn’t expect to feel this attached.

I think I’m just realizing a bit too late how much these small moments actually mattered.

Kinda wish I could go back and do it again, maybe say a few things I didn’t say.

idk, this was just on my mind and now it makes sense. ..why the smallest moments hurt the most when they’re gone.