u/Far-Season-695

A little context, my husband is very tall, and (I think) good looking. White man, very nice blue eyes. Score, right? Well, his life has, without a doubt, been easier because of his tall, attractive, white man privilege, and he knows it.

Of course I don't think about it all the time, but sometimes I'm like "do you really have to succeed all the time without really trying?" It's pretty annoying sometimes, since the rest of us aren't necessarily handed opportunities.

Flash forward, we have a young son. He is, and I can say this objectively, an exceptionally good looking kid, and super tall for his age. He's also extrememly outgoing. We've just begun consciously refraining from fawning over how cute he is, because I don't want that to be where his self worth comes from, but he still gets a lot of comments like that.

Sometimes I think about his future and this kid is going to have it made. Handsome, tall, white, and confident. How can you instill a child with grit and humility if they're privileged like that? I know it's an EXTREMELY "first world" concern to have, but I don't want my son to be just another entitled white man.

wow this post has stirred up some intense feelings in people. Mostly feelings about me obviously being some toxic, scum of the Earth partner and mother. Very interesting that people would see the words "annoying sometimes" and assume I must be wild with hate and jealousy, or that I'm utterly ashamed of who I am (white) and that I am ruining my son's life with my toxic parenting!

I think it's OK to recognize an aspect of white male privilege in my husband that is not necessarily flattering, and to not want that inherited by my son. I want him to be a good person, and to have to work for his achievements. That's how you develop character and grit.

What's more is not one of you people know anything more about me than this one anonymous confession, which is, by definition, something that is secret because it's shameful. So yeah, call me a monster if it makes you feel better I guess? I'm a good mother and partner (my husband thinks so too), so other than being taken aback by the wild, presumptuous shit people will say to strangers on the internet, I genuinely do not gaf.

I 22F) went on my first big trip with my boyfriend (28M), and by the end of it I felt emotionally drained

Before this trip, I thought we had a healthy relationship. He’s usually kind, supportive, generous, and my family loves him. He paid for our two-week ** trip and I made sure to thank him constantly and did my best to plan activities and make the trip enjoyable for both of us. I had been planning it for months and we were counting down the days soo excited to be leaving.

But during the trip, I felt like I saw a completely different side of him.

I understand that traveling in a new country can be overwhelming and overstimulating, but he constantly took his frustration out on me. If the trains were crowded, suddenly he “hated Japan” and talked about booking a flight home, which made me feel guilty and uncomfortable. He complained about the food and acted upset that we even came, despite not helping plan anything himself. If I spent “too long” in a store, he’d lecture me and then ignore me afterward.

At one point I tried explaining that I felt anxious and like I was trying hard to make sure he enjoyed the trip. He got upset and said he could “scream in the restaurant that he wasn’t mad at me”. Later though, he apologized and admitted he realized his behavior was affecting me.

The drinking also became a huge issue. He wanted to go out drinking every single night, and if I didn’t want to go, he’d get upset. One night I went just to avoid arguing, and he still got mad because I “wasn’t having enough fun.”

His response when I questioned why we needed to drink every night was: “I paid for this trip, so if I want to drink every night, I will.”

The last night he got blackout drunk, threw up all over the hotel room, and embarrassed me in front of people I’d met there.

We did have great moments of laughing, enjoying the delicious food, going sightseeing together. So it wasn’t all bad… I loved visiting and I’m so happy that we went.

Now that we’re home, I can’t stop thinking about how different he acted and how small I felt around him by the end of the trip.

Am I overreacting for wanting to end the relationship after this? I seriously thought he was the man of my dreams before this trip now it’s just starting to feel like the mask slipped.

When I (27F) need to pee in public, for example at a restaurant or gas station, if the toilet seat is clean I will sit down on the toilet to pee. If it has a little bit of pee on it, I will wipe it with a tissue before I sit down.

My boyfriend of 3 years recently learned this when I made a passing comment about sitting in a porta potty, and he is absolutely horrified. He is really grossed out that I have had sex with him after sitting on a public toilet seat and likens it to him wiping his dick on the lid of a toilet, or that he is putting his mouth on peoples poop particles when he goes down on me.

I asked a couple of friends, and so far the consensus is that I'm definitely the gross one and I should always hover to pee. I feel like I'm going crazy!

Am I the asshole for sitting on public toilets??

so my younger sister Jenna 31f showed up at my house last week with her 6 year old son and two trash bags after her husband kicked her out. im 34f and i bought my house on my own after years of living cheap and working overtime no help from anyone. Jenna has always had someone rescuing her she married a guy with money quit her job and spent the last few years posting about healing while asking me for money because she wanted a bigger car. turns out she cheated with one of the dads from her kids soccer team and her husband found out and threw her out. i told her she and my nephew could stay with me for a few days while she figured things out. that same night she said her real plan was for me to move into my office let her take my bedroom and temporarily sign the house over to her so she could look stable in custody court. i laughed because i thought she was kidding. she wasnt. Jenna said i dont even have kids and it would be easier for me to start over. i said absolutely not. then she cried and said i was choosing property over family. an hour later my Mom called and said as the older sister its my job to help fix this My dad said kids shouldnt suffer because of adult pride. i told them they were welcome to sign over their own house if they felt that strongly. that ended the conversation pretty fast. Jenna called me selfish and left the next morning with my nephew. now half my family acts like i threw a single mom onto the street. i feel awful for my nephew but not awful enough to hand over the house i worked my ass off for.

AITA?

Hello everyone, first AIO here.

I (36yo male - 28 at the time of the event) am a teacher in a college in Europe that I won't name. On my first year of teaching, a student (20yo female) sent me an email around the end of the semester.
I will translate as close as I can, but I'm not english native, and the mail was written in another language.

"Sir,
I have eagerly followed every one of your classes this semester and wanted to offer you a coffee next weekend to discuss stuff with you and show you how much I want to succeed 😉

Best regards,
student".
(yes, the winky smiley was in there)

The wording threw me off at first, I try to be distant from the students, but maybe I was too friendly with her ? In this college, teachers drinking coffee with student happens. I also teach in tech, so we're all very young~ish. But then, I thought, no, I don't want any mixed signal or anything.
In every one of my student groups, without naming anyone, I announced that I won't go out of campus with any students and that I don't want any offers of anything gift related or anything before the semester ends and grades have been set. I then went to the principal (40yo female) and explained the situation. She told me that it happens, and every teacher has "reaped the benefit of teaching" at some point or another, I just have to be discreet.

I was shocked to hear that, and told her that I don't want to "reap" anything, and I don't find it appropriate. She laughed it out, told me maybe I was too nice to her and she got confused or something. and sent me off.

It took me some time to process what just happened. I was new and didn't want to make any waves, so I dropped it. It never happened since.

Now to this year, I went up the ladder and am now coordinating a whole section of the school. A colleague I am responsible of flirted with one of their own student and it bringed me back to this situation. I told him it's not OK for teacher to flirt or have any kind of special relationship with students, and they just answered "she's 18, it's ok". I don't think it's OK because we are their teachers, we have a hierarchical ascendent on them. We are also grading them and we need to stay as neutral and unbiased as possible.

AIO ? Am I too stuck up ?

I (32M) have a best friend, Jane (26F) She is a very sociable person and makes/keeps a lot of friends. Many of whom are regulars at the bar I work at and I would consider my friends as well albeit not as close. She asked me fairly early in our friendship to not flirt with or try to hook up with her friends in her immediate circle. She says when friends of hers hook up with eachother it makes things weird and can lead to favoritism among a friend group. That was its own thing but ultimately I agreed and moved on. As time has passed Her "circle" has gotten bigger and has gained a few girls that are incredibly attractive and easy to talk to. I strive to be a considerate person so the whole no flirting rule starts to get a bit frustrating. But the reason im posting this is because She told me last night that her and a bunch of the girls from her "circle" basically had an orgy. Then immediately follows it with "You missed out!"....I am now in a state of Reaction. As of right now i feel like ive been sort of held to a double standard and shes being inconsiderate but id like some outside input maybe theres something im overlooking....

I (60 F) have a best friend (50 F) of 30 years. We tell each other that we are each other's platonic person. In some ways, she is incredibly supportive. My friend has another best friend who knows my life circumstances. I am completely disabled, living, chronic pain, and live in severe poverty. The other two are well off. I am completely disabled and I live in chronic pain and I have a neurodegenerative disease as well as other disabilities. Because I'm disabled, I have no friends, and all my family is estranged.

My friend knows my life history, probably more than anyone else. She is a dear friend who has been at times really endlessly supportive of me.

I am in the worst depression of my life, my friend of 30 years knows this, knows that I have a history of severe childhood abuse and neglect and particularly abandonment around Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was not allowed to come around one parent or the others during the holidays while my younger siblings were. My friend knows this is a severe trigger for me.

My friend used to happily back-and-forth occasionally spend Thanksgiving together occasionally over the years and then it became more of a regular thing when my mother passed and I collapsed in on myself like a dying star. Within a couple of years, though she was promising to have Thanksgiving with me, I literally had nowhere to go anyway, and then would she cancel at the last minute and say she's spending it with her other best friend. She would literally frame this as "good news" in an email which I recognize as gaslighting. She never will talk to me about it in person anymore.

For the past *12 years*, she has repeated this pattern of promising to do something with me over the holidays, either on Christmas or Thanksgiving and then backing out and abandoning me at the last minute and changing her mind and framing it as a pleasant surprise for me. It's gaslighting, it's making commitments that she won't go through with, etc., etc. And almost every damn year I fall for her promises that she will never do it again. I feel like an idiot.

She knows how depressed and vulnerable. I am because we stay in close contact so she can call someone if I need to go to the hospital. I asked her nicely this morning to avoid any kind of conflict close to the holidays if she would spend Thanksgiving with me since she's had 12 consecutive years of Thanksgiving with her other friend. She said "I'll think about it." I was absolutely flabbergasted.

In the past years, we would get into a screaming argument about this and I would yell at her how hurt I was so I was definitely an asshole then. I don't do that anymore.

In other ways, she keeps commitments in our friendship. But after 12 years of not being able to spend Thanksgiving with her, and since we are in a really good place, I expected her to say immediately yes. To me, it's a no-brainer. I've cut off the friendship and we have spent years apart because of this.

AITA for continuing to trust her at akl?