u/Far-Staff-6121

I finally have some stability and can afford to go to therapy but I'm not sure if it would help me or not. I feel like I have a lot of gripes with it

Firstly, I dont know what therapy would do other than giving me coping mechanisms and maybe a lending ear. I feel like the questions that I have are questions they can't really answer.

Also I have heard of horror stories of therapists just not giving a shit and making their clients worse.

Again I apologize if this seems insensitive but in my mind, I feel like people who go on to be therapists are generally sort of privileged and wouldn't really understand the complexities of my life i guess?

I did some pre screening calls couple weeks ago, and I dont know I just got the vibe that they wouldn't understand me.

Ive never opened up about my trauma to anyone and I feel like if I do go and im disappointed it'll just make me feel way worse

Thoughts?

First of all I want to thank everyone who prayed for me when I posted a week or so ago, it meant a lot to me. Im doing ok now actually even a little hopeful, just a little bit and I really think it was because of your prayers, interceding for me and what not but thank you.

Matthew 7:7-8 NLT [7] “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. [8] For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

What would it mean practical for me to knock and seek God when im riddled with doubt and uncertainty?

I can't lie to myself, but I think im trying to keep knocking to my own limited ability. Because if I ponder, and ponder existentially, i ultimately break down. I can't do that every single day and bear the silence.

So I'm trying to detach in some way and still seek God. Everyday I pray genuinely for Him to open my eyes and help me with my unbelief. And everyday im reading the Word.

But is this enough? What else can I do? Is this not sufficient? How long would i need to knock for?

Please keep me in your prayers.

I left my faith a few years ago because I couldn't bear the silence from God and ever since then I've been struggling and breaking down. I have so many doubts and questions about my existence and this world, it doesn't make sense to me all. Ive been so numb and I've been living in this limbo stage of despair where the only rational option to me is death.

Because I know in my heart if there isn't a God then I don't understand the point of this cruel existence.

Even in this stage of numbness and deadness, the only that makes me cry and feel over and over again is the thought Christ. I dont know. I wish he would talk to me. Please pray for me