u/FarCantaloupe2901

I found out I’m pregnant last week and I’ve always wanted to have a family of my own. I have an amazing supportive partner and have been in therapy for a long long time and have done all the things I can to heal but now that I am actually expecting- I am so scared. I lost my mom at 7 years old which led to me living with my dad and other family in a broken home with substance/alcohol abuse, physical violence, poverty and every other shitty thing that should never happen to anyone, let alone a child. I have a beautiful life with stability and love that I never could have imagined back then. But I can’t help feeling like I shouldn’t be a parent. It’s like I’ve been hit with this sickening feeling that I’m tainted by a generational curse that I’ll pass onto my own children. Even though I am in a better place with coping skills, being pregnant has made me feel so unprepared and like I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m probably not the only one who’s felt this way, but I just keep thinking about the different ways I could mess them up. I can’t anticipate anything. I’ve always thought I’ll love my children but part of me thinks maybe my dad thought the same way too at one point, but it went wrong at some point- so what if I become that way too? What if I don’t feel maternal or connected to them? Has anyone else felt this way? Does anyone else struggle with trauma/CPTSD that has had kids?? Any advice is welcome please :(

Sooooo unexpected surprise happened and now I’m gonna be 13-14 weeks at my wedding lol I don’t have a dress yet but am unsure if I want to try to conceal the bump if I even can, or lean into it. Idk how much I’ll be showing and there’s probably no way to know for sure but does anyone have any tips or own experiences?
I’m 5’5, 117lbs and this will be our first baby- I didn’t want to be pregnant in a wedding dress originally but life is funny like that lol

26 year old female. So I was diagnosed with UCTD about 6 months ago, and have been taking Plaquenil. It started helping after 3 months but it’s not helping much anymore now. My rheumatologist said we could do methotrexate, humira, or add another anti-inflammatory pain medication like Diclofenac. I just want to feel better and I do trust my doctor but I also feel a little overwhelmed and confused because she and my PCP have said they believe what’s happening to me is autoimmune based- and my symptoms seem so severe and I’ve had a collection of things that show something is off, like having Barrett’s Esophagus, skin rashes that were inconclusive biopsies, unexplained joint and cartilage damage that needed surgery, etc. But I’ve never had any positive lab work besides a faint positive ENA RNP antibody test. My inflammation levels have never been elevated on lab work. I do have history of endocrine issues but my providers haven’t said they think it’s related.

My question is has anyone taken any of these medications with a similar situation of having negative autoimmune labs but bad symptoms? Did it help and did you ever figure out what was causing it or have your UCTD progress?