u/FarLab2157

(Male)My friends don’t really know much about what I’m going through mentally. They’re the type of people who joke around a lot and make fun of things, so I’ve never really shown them that I’ve been feeling miserable or dealing with anything serious.

At lunch I wanted to go home early, but I didn’t know my mom’s new number and I didn’t have a phone, so I was going to use my friend K’s phone to call her. Earlier that week my mom had written her new number on a small piece of paper, and I shoved it deep into my backpack.

While I was with my friends, I started digging through my backpack trying to find the number. I thought I found it and pulled out a random paper, but it wasn’t the right one. What I didn’t realize was that another piece of paper fell out when I was searching.

My friend F picked it up.

At first I thought it was just some ripped school notes or a random study paper, so I didn’t care. But then F started laughing. The second I heard that laugh, my stomach dropped because I realized what the paper probably was.

It was a ripped page from my diary that I thought I had thrown away.

I tried grabbing it back, but F kept running around with it and refusing to give it back. K stood next to him the entire time. I told K to help me get it back, but he only pretended to try. He acted like it was all some joke.

Then F pulled out his phone and took a picture of the page.

That was the moment I gave up trying to get it back.

What they were laughing at wasn’t some joke or embarrassing note. It was something deeply personal that I wrote during a really hard time in my life. I wrote that page because I thought writing my thoughts down would help me deal with everything I was feeling.

The bell rang and we all started walking to class. I tried acting normal and joked around with them like nothing was wrong, but honestly I felt humiliated. Part of me was still hoping maybe I was overthinking it and maybe it wasn’t actually my diary page.

Then F started reading some of the first lines out loud.

My eyes widened immediately because I recognized every word.

They walked me to class still joking about it, and before I went inside I looked back at them. Both of them were walking holding the paper up like it was some kind of treasure map.

That completely ruined my day.

What hurts the most is that they forced themselves into a side of me that I never wanted anyone to see. We joke around with each other all the time, but there are certain things I would never joke about. F himself has gone through depression before, and I would never use something personal like that against him for laughs.

That diary page had things written on it that not even my parents knew about.

I was planning to open up about those things someday when I was ready. But after that happened, I honestly feel like I can’t trust them with anything personal anymore.

I don't know what to do tomorrow. They aren't the kind who would sit down and have a conversation they just laugh in your face the moment you try that.

(male) My friends don’t really know much about what I’m going through mentally. They’re the type of people who joke around a lot and make fun of things, so I’ve never really shown them that I’ve been feeling miserable or dealing with anything serious.

At lunch I wanted to go home early, but I didn’t know my mom’s new number and I didn’t have a phone, so I was going to use my friend K’s phone to call her. Earlier that week my mom had written her new number on a small piece of paper, and I shoved it deep into my backpack.

While I was with my friends, I started digging through my backpack trying to find the number. I thought I found it and pulled out a random paper, but it wasn’t the right one. What I didn’t realize was that another piece of paper fell out when I was searching.

My friend F picked it up.

At first I thought it was just some ripped school notes or a random study paper, so I didn’t care. But then F started laughing. The second I heard that laugh, my stomach dropped because I realized what the paper probably was.

It was a ripped page from my diary that I thought I had thrown away.

I tried grabbing it back, but F kept running around with it and refusing to give it back. K stood next to him the entire time. I told K to help me get it back, but he only pretended to try. He acted like it was all some joke.

Then F pulled out his phone and took a picture of the page.

That was the moment I gave up trying to get it back.

What they were laughing at wasn’t some joke or embarrassing note. It was something deeply personal that I wrote during a really hard time in my life. I wrote that page because I thought writing my thoughts down would help me deal with everything I was feeling.

The bell rang and we all started walking to class. I tried acting normal and joked around with them like nothing was wrong, but honestly I felt humiliated. Part of me was still hoping maybe I was overthinking it and maybe it wasn’t actually my diary page.

Then F started reading some of the first lines out loud.

My eyes widened immediately because I recognized every word.

They walked me to class still joking about it, and before I went inside I looked back at them. Both of them were walking away holding the paper up like it was some treasure map.

That completely ruined my day.

What hurts the most is that they forced themselves into a side of me that I never wanted anyone to see. We joke around with each other all the time, but there are certain things I would never joke about. F himself has gone through depression before, and I would never use something personal like that against him for laughs.

That diary page had things written on it that not even my parents knew about.

I was planning to open up about those things someday when I was ready. But after that happened, I honestly feel like I can’t trust them with anything personal anymore. What do I do?? How can I go to school tmr

I just wanted to update my last post by giving it more information to clear any confusion and to make it more understandable

I’ll still call her "E" for privacy reasons.

I used to date this girl, and she put me in a group chat with her friends. That’s where I met "E". At first we just got along normally, nothing crazy. But during that time, my girlfriend started acting different, less attention, weird behavior. I got suspicious, so I made a fake account and pretended to be the best friend of the guy I thought she was cheating on me with.

It actually worked. She fell for it and told me everything.

Around that same time, "E" was going through her own situation. She really liked this guy, but he barely gave her attention. He would lead her on, then act like they were nothing. It was just a constant cycle, and she would vent to me about it.

That’s really how we started talking for real.

I told her I felt the same way about my girlfriend at the time, and it felt nice finally talking to someone who actually understood what I was going through. We started giving each other advice, helping each other out little by little.

Then my girlfriend cheated on me.

I was miserable, but "E" was there for me. Her support and advice actually helped me move on faster than I expected. She was the first person who really understood my situation and gave me real advice, and I appreciated that more than anything.

We also had the same humor and liked the same things, so we got closer and closer. Over time, we became that duo. We would talk all the time, call all the time. Every time something happened, she would tell me, and I would always try to help her no matter what.

Even then, she was still struggling and depressed, just like me. We had a lot of deep conversations about ourselves, and it honestly felt like I finally had someone by my side, like another version of me.

Eventually, I helped her get over that guy she was stuck on, and we just had a lot of good moments over the summer.

For the first time, I actually wanted to go to school. Before that, I felt like a miserable zombie, but now I had a reason.

When school started, we were both shy at first. I remember she was sitting across from me on the bleachers in PE, and she texted me asking if she could come sit next to me. Of course I said yes, and we just talked about random stuff.

People even thought she was my girlfriend at first because they had never seen us together before. The year before, she was just someone I barely knew through my ex.

Later on, she started feeling down again because of that same guy who used to lead her on. Eventually, she gave up on him with some help from me and others, but now she really wanted a boyfriend.

She pointed out this quiet guy at school and said he looked nice. I looked and realized it was actually my best friend at the time. He was chill, calm, but he had never had a girlfriend and didn’t really know how to talk to girls.

I went up to him later and told him what she said about him. You could tell he was flattered and confused. I encouraged him to talk to her and gave him her Instagram.

From there, I basically became their middleman. I would tell one what the other was thinking, help them understand each other, and fix problems when things got confusing.

At first, their relationship had problems. She would get mad at him for things he didn’t understand, and it was his first relationship so he didn’t know what to do. I secretly helped him, gave him advice, and helped fix things between them.

I even helped her build confidence because she would say she didn’t deserve him or that she was “bad.” I kept encouraging her, and eventually they started getting closer, hugging, then kissing.

At one point, she told me she wanted him to ask her out. So I secretly told him to do it.

When he finally did, she freaked out in the happiest way possible. Like a kid opening a Christmas present. She was genuinely so happy.

And I was happy too. Everything felt like it was going right.

I would even encourage her to hang out with him instead of me so they could spend more time together.

I genuinely feel like I built the perfect couple.

But while they were getting closer, I started feeling worse. I would see them together every day, holding each other, cuddling, being happy… and I’d just feel like breaking down right there.

At the same time, things between me and "E" started changing. Conversations got dry, we argued over dumb stuff, and it didn’t feel the same anymore. The person I used to talk to about everything slowly started fading away.

I remember even before all of this, I used to wonder what I would do if she ever left. I’d imagine myself alone again, because I don’t really know how to make new friends. She was the only real friend I had who I could share my feelings with.

And now that imagination became real life.

What hurts even more now is that when her boyfriend isn’t around, she doesn’t even choose to hang out with me. It’s not like she suddenly has a bunch of other close friends… it just feels like she’d rather be around anyone else than me. Like we’re not the same anymore, like I don’t fit into her life at all now.

I got so hurt over time that it all built up. I was overthinking everything, overwhelmed, miserable… I had mental breakdowns and eventually I just had enough and left her.

The crazy part is, even though I was the one who ended things, it didn’t feel like that was supposed to happen. It felt wrong, like things weren’t meant to go this way.

It’s been about a year and a half since everything fell apart, and I’m still here feeling it. I still miss her.

What hurts the most is that I helped her get out of a bad place when she was struggling, but now I feel like I’m the one stuck there.

I feel like her apologies don’t even mean anything anymore. There were times she apologized before, but nothing ever actually changed. It made me feel like what I said didn’t matter.

Looking back, it’s honestly sad how I used to beg her just to talk to me. All I really wanted was for her to want to talk to me willingly, not because I had to ask.

I’ve been struggling with these feelings for months. All I can do is watch as we drift further and further apart.

Something that really messed with my head is realizing that what I went through with her is the same thing she went through with the guy who treated her badly.

I was asking for attention, wanting things to go back to how they used to be. And that’s exactly what she used to tell me about him.

It’s crazy because she became that same person to me. She treated me the way he treated her, and I ended up in her position, wanting their attention and wondering where everything went wrong.

I’m trying to accept that things have changed and that everything is different now, but I can’t let go of the memories. The deep conversations, the feeling that I had someone who truly understood me. She made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

To this day, she’s still the closest person I’ve ever had in my life. I barely know how to get close to anyone else because of my social skills, so losing her feels like losing the only real connection I ever had.

And honestly… she probably hates me now because I was the one who ended things due to my mental health deteriorating . It feels like once she had a boyfriend, I stopped mattering. Like who cares about me when you’ve got someone else.

I never wanted things to be this way. I never wanted to lose that person.

even after all of this time all the things I went through I am forever grateful to have a friend like her she was the only person in my lowest being beside me I'm glad that they are still dating I gave her what she been wanting since I met her I'm glad it's going well with her and hope to talk to her one last time