Every single morning, I wake up to the sound of my dad literally going off - Talking, and talking, and talking, and talking... It's become auditory torture at this point. Talking, talking - literally shaking the house for hours from talking. You would think something serious has happened - every_single_morning...

I go over there, bleary eyed and say, "Guys, what's going on? Are you okay?" to which my mom always responds, "Oh, he's just talking about how we have to take out the recycling tomorrow..." and if it's not something absolutely mundane or whatever, it's my dad going over some event like he's a freaking life coach...

I don't know what it is - Why can't anything be normal with these people? Why can't we just have a normal meal, on a normal day, in a normal way? Why can't we ever just make a normal purchase of a normal thing at a normal place?? Why does every_little_thing literally have to be the beginning and end of life itself? There is no progress with these people. Literally - you cannot progress this way...

Thanks.

I've always wondered about this - My dad and I don't get along and we're not each other's "kind of guy", you could say, but he does this thing and has since my childhood. Now that I'm learning more about this narc stuff and the webs and the patterns, I think this particular behaviour might be a way he "destabilizes" people around him?? Not sure. Anyway, it's pretty simple:

We'll be hanging out - either one on one, or in a group or whatever - Everything will be going okay, and you'll be thinking to yourself, "Okay, well... maybe this guy is alright..." and then - BAM! All of a sudden, he'll pull something out of left field that will just make you go, "What the...???" Like, some outlandish, weird, odd thing that will make everyone feel awkward, and then you're saying, "Oh, hell no. This guy - Hell no..."

It's like he's constantly shooting himself in the foot or something?

I dunno...

Thanks.

I've always thought it the strangest thing, and I've often wondered if this phenomenon could be an extension of his not wanting to take accountability for anything?? He would rather live in a nest of everyone's mess than put any effort into organizing or structuring anything. I could state many, many examples and patterns over the years, but to me it's just so strange; He doesn't cook a thing, doesn't clean a thing, doesn't move a thing, doesn't hang up or take down one picture on the wall, he barely owns anything, too, and whenever anyone tries to do anything about something, he becomes VERY worked up. It's so bizarre... How can someone literally not want to have any control/ influence over their living situation?? Or maybe it just appears that way? - Because he's actually sensationally controlling...

It's so bizarre...

Thanks.

This has always perplexed me. He's been doing this for as long as I can remember. It's doubly perplexing because my Dad has like 6 masters degrees, and he was an engineer for many, many years in a very complex field where you need to know trigonometry and shit. Anyway, a short story:

He and my mother are planning a trip to Florida. We were sitting at the kitchen table talking about when they're going to leave, out of what airport etc. etc. So, I pulled out my phone, found round trip tickets of Kayak (no affiliation) and said, "Here ya go dad. Do you want me to book these for you?" - "No, no - I don't like the layover. We need more time on the layover..." - "Okay, Dad. Well, here's another one - It's cheaper, too, cuz the layover is longer..." - "Just hold on. Let me see, okay - I'll do it later..." You could never believe what happened next...

The next day, he's looking and looking on his phone. I hear him talking for an hour with someone from another country. He's talking about this travel time and that travel time, etc. etc. window seat, aisle seat... He "books" the ticket with this person, and then gets a strange email - He doesn't know who it's from, but it has some information about the "plane tickets" and says it's from Delta. He's like, "Boy, I don't know what happened - Maybe I got scammed, Momma! Maybe I got scammed..." - "Well, Dad, who did you go through?" - "I just typed in travel agent in Google and called them. They said they had the flight for me. I just typed in travel agent - They said they were a travel agent..." - "Well, Dad, you gotta call Delta and see if they have the booking in their registry - that's the only way you'll really know now..." - "Okay, I'll do it. I'll do it..." Fastforward to today - Day three:

He texts the suspected scammer, who sends him a "confirmation" text or something. Now - His phone has a virus on it! It's the weirdest thing - every time he makes a call, he gets a message that pops up and says, "We have to download such and such software program because your phone has too much space being used. Your phone is under threat, blah, blah, blah..." This message pops up every time he makes a call. "Dad, have you called Delta, yet?? Why haven't you called Delta, yet?" - "I'll call them, okay? Boy, I just need to sit down Momma. I need to cool down..." - This is the abridged version of the story. And EVERYTHING is like this. Literally, every trip, any get together, any event, graduation party. Literally -

WHAT_IS_THIS???

P.S. He still hasn't called Delta. It's been three days. We still don't know where his money is. OMG.

On any other day, in any other capacity, my father is almost completely useless; He's contentious, he's a cock-block, he's weirdly condescending, he'll take any opportunity to degrade the achievements of even a five-year-old - but if you're at rock bottom, he's an absolute PEACH. He'll give the shirt off his back to an absolute stranger. Stuck in the emergency room at 4 A.M. and no one else to call? - He'll be there in five minutes and sit at your bedside till morning. Not only that, he'll make sure you have groceries for the week and that you know where all your friends are in case you need anything, and he'll call work for you to make sure they're apprised of the situation...

I've always wondered a bit about this. Anyone experience similar with their narco affiliates?

Thanks.

My mom came home with a rotisserie chicken last night. Why does this matter? - Because I have been telling my mom for the last 10 years that I HATE_ROTISSERIE_CHICKEN.

My older brother came into town this weekend. He has food allergies. I spent all day Thursday and Friday shopping for him - getting (expensive) dairy free sour cream, and dairy free ice cream, and dairy free this and that. Other special ingredients for recipes... I can't even begin to explain the ridiculousness that ensued prior to his departure, but somehow it ended up with him telling me I'm not sensitive enough...

My dad came up to my room last night to ask if I wanted him to take me to the HOSPITAL... The HOSPITAL?? Why the fuck would I want to go to the HOSPITAL??; If I'm off in the littlest way, I all of a sudden need to go to the hospital?? They've threatened to call the ambulance on me, too, when I'm having even the slightest bit of a bad day. Holy fuck...

This was all just the tip of the iceberg of this weekend, too. How did I fall into this role? - I'm the linchpin of the family, yet somehow my needs don't matter at all...

Not a true story:

"This is so embarrassing, and honestly, just... degrading. I REAAALLLYY didn't want to make this post, but I'm learning so much from the people on here, and I'm really on a mission to humbly learn all I can about my situation so that I can be more informed, and Lord willing, be the best parent I possibly can one day. I tried to keep this as short as possible - Hopefully it's a fun read. Ha - Anyway...

I've spoken with my dad about this several, several, several times over the years. It's been a long, long process of getting him to finally let up. He's at about 35% of what he used to be. I can't believe it's still going on, though - He won't leave me alone while I'm in the bathroom. He'll knock on the door loudly - almost banging, sometimes - telling me someone is on the phone, asking me questions... If he comes home, he'll get right up against the door and say "We're hooome!!!" or if he's leaving, he'll say, "We're leaving!!!" He'll stand there and tell me about answering machine messages that are two months old. It's like... bro - it's SICK, man. Holy shit...

Some time ago, we had it out about it. I just couldn't take it anymore. I went downstairs and said, "Dad, remember how we talked about how I don't need to know what you're doing when I'm in the bathroom? Remember how we said we don't need to do that, right?" and he said, "Yeah, I know!" - "So, are you going to stop bothering me when I'm in the bathroom?" - "No!" - "Why not, Dad?" - "Just because, okay!" - "So, you're not going to stop bothering me when I'm in the bathroom?" - "NO!"

This is like, madness, right?

Fast-forward to last week - He does it again. He had stopped for a week or two. This time, I went downstairs, I put my hand on his shoulder, made eye contact, and reminded him that we don't do that, and the fucking weirdest shit happened - My MOM fucking grabs my arm, pawing at me like an adolescent and just laughs in my face! Like, a taunting laugh like a child, "HA_ HA_ HA_!!!" Like, as if they were both in on it?! WTF?!

OMG. The shit with these people - It's like even getting a glass of water somehow becomes a fight for your life...

Thanks."

The hardest thing for me is when I think about my relationship with my twin brother - How they put me in charge of him from a very early age. Why couldn't my parents have just taken responsibility - to usher the children THEY, themselves, brought into this world... The years and years of burden that I carried for my brother - I don't know that he has any idea what I carried for him, and I don't know what to make of it, honestly. I'm left somewhat bewildered... The way my parents shamed me in front of my entire extended family - I was dead in the water before I even met my aunts and uncles for the first time. I already arrived with a narrative - My shit talking parents weaving tales about me, all the while depending on me for the rock of the family - a child...

There's this thing with my twin, though, and like I said, I just don't know what to make of it: He ALWAYS seems to get away with everything. He has some skill... and I don't what it is. Even if I come to him and say, "Ya know, that was like, really tough for me, man..." He'll just be like, "Well, I'm sorry. Gosh..." but he just... doesn't know? Nothing sticks...

My whole family - the whole show - it was scripted for me... before I even had a chance.

Thnx

My Dad did the craziest Narco-ass-shit today... with a sandwich!

He and my mom went out to get sandwiches. I wrote down the one I wanted (If you must know, it was Capriottis - Love that place). I got the "Capastrami" which is a cole-slaw sandwich with thousand island dressing and pastrami, and they got the Philly Cheese steak. Easy enough to tell the difference, right??

So, I came downstairs and they were both frowning. I said, "Oh, man, you didn't like the sandwich did you?" Thinking to myself, "How can you not like a cheesesteak? It's your guys favorite..." (They literally get a cheesesteak EVERY_TIME we get sandwiches from anywhere - cheesesteak, cheesesteak, cheesesteak. Anyhow...) Then I looked down on my mom's plate and I saw the coleslaw - They ate my sandwich instead of theirs!! I said, "Gosh guys, you ate my sandwich! Shux. I can't eat all these peppers and onions and stuff..." I can't even explain to you what happened next -

My dad erupted and said, "What?! What?! The sandwich was awful!" - "Well, dad, how did you eat it then? Your sandwich was right here..." - "I just ate it, okay!" - "But your sandwich is right here - You didn't open them to see what was what?" - "No! The wrapper said steak on it!" (The worker wrote "stram" on the wrapper standing for "pastrami" and I could honestly see how my dad saw "Steak" in the sloppy handwriting, but I digress...) "But dad, you saw this wasn't a cheesesteak when you opened it, right? I mean, how can you not know what a cheesesteak is?" - "I don't know what a cheesesteak is! I just ate! The sandwich said steak on it, so I ate! I don't think about what I'm eating I Just open and I EAT!" - "Man, dad, you can't be accountable for anything, can you?" - "Huh! Huh! What about you? Look at you! You can't be accountable for anything - What are you accountable for? You can't be accountable for anything!"

So, I ate the cheesesteak - and it was fucking great.

The End.

I've been coming across that term recently (Survivor), and I guess I never thought of it like that - I'm a survivor of... living? But, I mean... it's true. When you're brought up in a home where your caretakers are essentially trying to destroy you, I mean - what else is it?

I remember when I got my first apartment (loved that place) - I would have these sessions where I would just sit on the floor, leaning against the wall - breathing deeply for 40 mins sometimes. It was as though years of compacted, oh, I dunno - emotions? - just found themselves unfurling. I wasn't weeping or anything, just... decompressing. Sitting in that apartment was the first time I ever felt comfortable - on the floor in that little one bedroom... .

I'll never understand it; the utter selfishness, the deceit, the predatoriness... How can someone bring a child into the world and never allow them to be comfortable? And then - did they know what they were doing the whole time? I know it's a pathology, but still... We're all cognizant of our behaviour, unless... we're REALLY whack - right?

Thnx.

My father has been doing this for YEARS -

My older brother, whom I've deduced is the "golden child", is of course struggling. Probably because my parents babied him for the entirety of his existence. Contrariwise, they've absolutely SAVAGED me (Scapegoat?), so I'm alright, but I digress... My dad came up to me and said, "Just in case you see your brother, I want you to tell him these 3 things..." Wtf?? You're his father. YOU call him and tell him the "3 things". I, of course, tell my parents this and they always say, "Usually, the kids don't like to hear from the parents, so it's better that you do it..." Or, "We know he doesn't listen to us, but he listens to you..." (He doesn't listen to me. He treats me like shit, but anyway...) Wtf is this - They have been doing this to me for YEAAARRSSS. And, conveniently, my golden child brother is 10 years older than me! lol.

Go figure -

Someone please explain this to me.

Thanks.

Edit: Funny thing is - Nobody is EVVEEERRR worried about me and my needs. None of my siblings have ever once come up to me and said, "Hey, um, Mom and Dad are worried about you and they wanted me to tell you these three things..."

Again - Go figure!

I can't explain it...

My dad will literally NOT_ALLOW my mom to be accountable for anything. They're both narcs, but my father is bar FARRR the more devious, destructive, and potent one. He does this thing: The other day my mom was going to the store with my dad, and she asked me if I wanted anything. I said, "Yeah, these chips." So, I wrote it down on a sheet of paper like she asked. Needless to say, she left the sheet of paper at home and did not come home with the chips. I said, "Gosh, mom... you really don't give a f*ck about me..." (somewhat jokingly. We have a good relationship). She said, "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what? I'm gonna go out and get some right now..." (Of course I wasn't going to let her do this...) As soon as my dad caught wind of this - that somebody was holding her accountable - He jumped in and said, "What's going?! What's going on?! Oh, the chips - Yeah! I knew about the chips - I forgot about them, too! Don't listen to him, Mom! Everybody forgets things - He forgets things all the time!"

This is their relationship - He literally will not let her be accountable for anything. He will berate and demean and slam his kids for anything, and keep receipts endlessly, but he literally WILL_NOT allow my mom to be accountable for a thing... I always wondered if this was attached to his narcness somehow...

Thanks.

I can't explain it...

My dad will literally NOT_ALLOW my mom to be accountable for anything. They're both narcs, but my father is bar FARRR the more devious, destructive, and potent one. He does this thing: The other day my mom was going to the store with my dad, and she asked me if I wanted anything. I said, "Yeah, these chips." So, I wrote it down on a sheet of paper like she asked. Needless to say, she left the sheet of paper at home and did not come home with the chips. I said, "Gosh, mom... you really don't give a f*ck about me..." (somewhat jokingly. We have a good relationship). She said, "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what? I'm gonna go out and get some right now..." (Of course I wasn't going to let her do this...) As soon as my dad caught wind of this - that somebody was holding her accountable - He jumped in and said, "What's going?! What's going on?! Oh, the chips - Yeah! I knew about the chips - I forgot about them, too! Don't listen to him, Mom! Everybody forgets things - He forgets things all the time!"

This is their relationship - He literally will not let her be accountable for anything. He will berate and demean and slam his kids for anything, and keep receipts endlessly, but he literally WILL_NOT allow my mom to be accountable for a thing... I always wondered if this was attached to his narcness somehow...

Thanks.

Hypothetical story/ situation:

"I moved back in with my parents (to which they had no real objections) a few years ago to pursue some business endeavors. It just made sense at the time to move back in with them and funnel all my funds to the business stuff, anyway...

I'm pretty much the house son (on top of my regular job); I mow the lawn, I organize the place, I do all the shopping, I change light fixtures, do all the housework, mow their huge lawn and shovel their stupid drive. I check up on them every day, tell them I love them, constantly ask them if they need anything, take care of family relations, cook ALL the meals (this is a semi-big deal because I'm considered somewhat of a "chef" in my city and have cooked privately, so they're eating WELL) - I even cut their HAIR. Yes, I'm a barber, now... It baffles me. It absolutely BAFFLES me how a father could say something like that. Normally, I can kind of see the narcs rationale, but this is the one that really has me so, so, soo stumped. I basically make his life a freaking walk in the park and he told me, 'We have to protect ourselves from you...' "

Hypothetical story/ situation:

"I moved back in with my parents (to which they had no real objections) a few years ago to pursue some business endeavors. It just made sense at the time to move back in with them and funnel all my funds to the business stuff, anyway...

I'm pretty much the house son (on top of my regular job); I mow the lawn, I organize the place, I do all the shopping, I change light fixtures, do all the housework, mow their huge lawn and shovel their stupid drive. I check up on them every day, tell them I love them, constantly ask them if they need anything, take care of family relations, cook ALL the meals (this is a semi-big deal because I'm considered somewhat of a "chef" in my city and have cooked privately, so they're eating WELL) - I even cut their HAIR. Yes, I'm a barber, now... It baffles me. It absolutely BAFFLES me how a father could say something like that. Normally, I can kind of see the narcs rationale, but this is the one that really has me so, so, soo stumped. I basically make his life a freaking walk in the park and he told me, 'We have to protect ourselves from you...' "

I find this so odd - Recently, I told my dad (again) that I don't trust him. Every time this happens, it's a big deal for me, but he just says, "That's fine! That's fine..." And I genuinely think he's... not perturbed by it??

I don't have a son (Lord willing, one day), but I'd imagine that if he - my own flesh and blood - told me that he didn't trust me as far as he could throw me, I mean... I'd be ABSOLUTELY CRUSHED, I would think...

Someone explain??

Thnx.

Recently had a weekend where I spent some time with the whole family - Brothers and sister in town, parents, in laws... I also recently discovered that I was/ am the scapegoat of the family - Not a very pleasant realization but ultimately a welcome one.

There were a few moments this weekend when I studied my brothers: My older brother, the golden child, who I am somehow put in charge of and parentified by, and my twin brother, whom I was responsible for during the entirety of our upbringing. They both seem kinda fucked up in their own ways, but they don't carry the burden that I do. They're both "free" of some type of invisible weight that I seem to have been enveloped by for as long as I can remember - "Wait, you mean... you guys didn't have to deal with this shit?? Ya'll just got off scot-free while I had to carry this?? WTF?!!!"

Haha.

It's still hard for me to make sense of this. It's so hard for me to compute... My twin, I think, is COMPLETELY oblivious to the burden I carried for him this whole time. It's odd, too, something: whenever I slipped up in the slightest, he became maliciously vindictive - in a quiet way. He was/ is my twin brother, and for as much as I suffered for him, he just couldn't cut me some slack? My older brother, too, omg - If i wasn't an absolute perfect "father" to him, it's like he would somehow make sure the whole world came down on me...

How could my own brothers treat me this way, and - What part did my parents play in this whole charade? They're completely... vacant from my plight it seems.

Thank you, People.

Edit: One thing I know, and I'm thankful for, and I'm a bit curious about, is that I am BY FAR the most emotionally healthy individual in my family; For as much as I suffered, I wouldn't want to be in my brothers' shoes emotionally...

Thanks.

Recently had a weekend where I spent some time with the whole family - Brothers and sister in town, parents, in laws... I also recently discovered that I was/ am the scapegoat of the family - Not a very pleasant realization but ultimately a welcome one.

There were a few moments this weekend when I studied my brothers: My older brother, the golden child, who I am somehow put in charge of and parentified by, and my twin brother, whom I was responsible for during the entirety of our upbringing. They both seem kinda fucked up in their own ways, but they don't carry the burden that I do. They're both "free" of some type of invisible weight that I seem to have been enveloped by for as long as I can remember - "Wait, you mean... you guys didn't have to deal with this shit?? Ya'll just got off scot-free while I had to carry this?? WTF?!!!"

Haha.

It's still hard for me to make sense of this. It's so hard for me to compute... My twin, I think, is COMPLETELY oblivious to the burden I carried for him this whole time. It's odd, too, something: whenever I slipped up in the slightest, he became maliciously vindictive - in a quiet way. He was/ is my twin brother, and for as much as I suffered for him, he just couldn't cut me some slack? My older brother, too, omg - If i wasn't an absolute perfect "father" to him, it's like he would somehow make sure the whole world came down on me...

How could my own brothers treat me this way, and - What part did my parents play in this whole charade? They're completely... vacant from my plight it seems.

Thank you, People.

Edit: One thing I know, and I'm thankful for, and I'm a bit curious about, is that I am BY FAR the most emotionally healthy individual in my family; For as much as I suffered, I wouldn't want to be in my brothers' shoes emotionally...

Thanks.

Just went out to lunch with my brother and sister - both around 10 years older than myself. I don't want to go too much into the experience, but it was just very unpleasant.

My older brother, I don't understand it - He's parentified me just like my parents have. And it's so odd - Anytime we're together with my parents, they will all literally resort to chastising me and honestly outright denigrating me as like a hobby or something - like it's a pass time for them. I can't stand it. I used to think it was only my parents who were the problem, but it's my whole family - the way they all relate to me is so sensationally fucked. None of my feelings or needs are taken seriously at all, while at the same time I'm being held to the highest of standards. It's so out of whack, and I'm honestly so tired of it.

What do I do? I'm going to have to go no contact from everyone or something - there's no way I can restructure this thing. There's no way to fix this. None of our interactions are normal... .

At what point could this have occurred? At what point did I become this person, or when, perhaps, did my parents abdicate their responsibility to actually be seen as parents?

​

Thanks.

Just went out to lunch with my brother and sister - both around 10 years older than myself. I don't want to go too much into the experience, but it was just very unpleasant.

My older brother, I don't understand it - He's parentified me just like my parents have. And it's so odd - Anytime we're together with my parents, they will all literally resort to chastising me and honestly outright denigrating me as like a hobby or something - like it's a pass time for them. I can't stand it. I used to think it was only my parents who were the problem, but it's my whole family - the way they all relate to me is so sensationally fucked. None of my feelings or needs are taken seriously at all, while at the same time I'm being held to the highest of standards. It's so out of whack, and I'm honestly so tired of it.

What do I do? I'm going to have to go no contact from everyone or something - there's no way I can restructure this thing. There's no way to fix this. None of our interactions are normal... .

At what point could this have occurred? At what point did I become this person, or when, perhaps, did my parents abdicate their responsibility to actually be seen as parents?

Thanks.