Am I ignoring red flags because he’s affectionate and consistent in other ways?
I’m a 33 F dating a 42M and we’ve only been seeing each other for about 40 days, but it already feels emotionally exhausting and I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or seeing legitimate red flags.
From the beginning he’s been very insecure. He constantly says things like “I’m not good enough for you,” questions whether I really like him, and gets weird whenever I do normal social things with friends. There have already been multiple instances of him ghosting/silent treatment behavior when he feels insecure or threatened. He also got oddly intense about location sharing early on, which made me uncomfortable.
The confusing part is that he’s also very attentive in other ways. He buys me flowers every couple weeks, plans dates, wants to see me basically every day, and clearly likes me a lot. So part of me keeps wondering if he’s just emotionally wounded/anxious versus actually toxic.
But lately I’ve started realizing the relationship feels centered around HIS emotions constantly. He rarely asks what’s going on with me emotionally. Meanwhile, my life has actually been really stressful recently — my sister/best friend just moved 6 hours away so I suddenly feel very alone at home, and my dog has been having multiple seizures which has been terrifying and emotionally draining.
Instead of support, two days before HIS birthday he had another insecurity spiral and basically tried to break up with me during an emotional episode. I finally snapped and said “fine, let’s end it then.” Now he’s completely backtracking and acting like he didn’t mean it and wants to work it out.
I feel bad because I know insecurity can come from past hurt, but I’m also sitting here thinking… it’s been 40 DAYS. This already feels like so much emotional labor and instability this early on.
Would you consider this a major red flag? Or is this salvageable if someone is otherwise caring and consistent?