I have absolutely no love for my father and i don't think I ever have
I've been estranged from my father and step family for 2 years now. Best decision I ever made. To keep a long story short, my father has been manipulative and emotionally (and semi physically) abusive my entire life. When he met my step mom and her family, the abuse got worse by him and the added abuse of my step family. Bullying by my step siblings to the point of being the odd ones out, made to exercise for rewards and treated differently than her kids, continual manipulation and being outcast by my father and extreme food abuse as well. I decided to not speak to them again over a huge ordeal with my grandmother and her moving to be closer to me and my husband due to my father neglecting her and her choosing to move out of their house due to an abuse done by my step mother.
Fast forward to a few months ago and I saw them at my brother's wedding and I could not be happier to see my father uncomfortable in public by me not acknowledging them. He even had to find out about my wedding from a work buddy if his that he's jealous of and that made my year.
I think about it now and I have nothing but hatred and vitriol for the man and his wife and kids. They are disgusting humans who I pride myself in being against. Obviously I shouldn't be angry at them forever but honestly it feels so good to finally allow myself to hate them as much as I do. I only wish they squirm with it like I want them too.
I don't think I've ever loved them. I don't know how else I could have no love for them now than to have never really loved them at all. Maybe in the future I couldn't have a different feeling but for now, it's the most free I've ever felt.