u/Feisty_Bumblebee_916

I’m dealing with pretty severe complex PTSD, and I recently started seeing a massage therapist who has been AMAZING at helping me reclaim my body and deal with somatic symptoms. She’s very trauma-informed, so I consider her a core part of my treatment team, in addition to my talk therapist.

However, I get really self-conscious about how much trauma I share with her. I never want to overshare, but the trauma does come up a lot because of my somatic symptoms. I also have a lot of visible self harm scars. I’ve found that after a few minutes of massage I’m a lot more comfortable opening up emotionally, especially when I’m on my back with my eyes closed, which feels both safe and intimate.

She’s been really supportive of what I’ve shared so far, but I had a very abusive childhood so I get nervous about trauma dumping/burdening people/making them uncomfortable, though I never share specific details of my trauma, just the broad themes. I’m wondering if any massage therapists can tell me how much is normal to share during a massage? At what point is it crossing a line or putting a burden on you?

Last fall I had a major relapse of a substance use disorder. In December, I began intermittent PFML (paid medical leave in Massachusetts) to receive treatment. On my non-work days I attend an intensive outpatient program, and I also have one hour long recurring appointment that falls during work hours.

My manager has been unsupportive throughout this process, and I’m trying to assess whether any of the following raise legal concerns and what my rights here are.

1. After initially approving my standing therapy appointment, my manager later complained that my absence was stressful for her and said I should move the appointment to a non-work day. I explained that this was not possible due to my provider’s schedule and because I had already arranged treatment around the approved time. She then said they could not accommodate the one-hour absence because they could not find coverage.

2. She commented that I “have so much free time now” and asked what I was doing with it, which made me feel pressured to disclose that I was in an intensive outpatient treatment program.

3. When I later extended my leave, she expressed frustration that my absences were hard on the team and had caused her to make scheduling errors. She then implemented a policy requiring employees to try to find coverage for absences themselves. When I said I felt like I was being penalized for taking medical leave, she claimed the policy applied to everyone “taking vacation.” I clarified that this was medical leave, not vacation. Although she eventually said she would handle coverage herself, the repeated complaints and pressure have made the situation very stressful.

I know that employers can deny accommodations if they create an undue hardship, but my request is very much operationally feasible despite being inconvenient. I’m not sure whether these actions cross a legal line, but they have created a lot of stress and guilt while I’m already dealing with the shame of recovery and relapse. I’m now considering continuous leave just to avoid the ongoing pressure, but I know that’s going to frustrate her even more.

The wild thing is that I work in a dual diagnosis treatment center. My manager is a psychiatrist who signs off on patients’ medical leave all the time, so she can’t really claim ignorance about any of this.

Any advice would be appreciated!

I recently started seeing a new therapist. I finished my MSW last year so I’m a budding therapist myself, and I also have a complex trauma history, so I’m very sensitive to missattunements. When people try to support me imperfectly, I tend to jump to thinking it’s not even worth asking for what I need. So I am working on tolerating imperfection, but this one has been bugging me and I’d like some perspective.

My new therapist has a habit of keeping the conversation going until it’s time to end session—there’s no wrap up, no “we’re getting close to time and I want to check in on how you’re feeling right now.” It’s just “well time to go,” often when I’m in the middle of processing trauma, which results in me leaving the session feeling triggered and abandoned. There’s no clock within my line of sight, so I’m relying on her to structure the session at a pace that feels safe.

I asked her to slow things down ten minutes before the session ends, and she halfheartedly said “I’ll try to remember,” which didn’t feel promising to me because this felt like an actual clinical need, not just a preference. She is a psychodynamic therapist, so I think part of the issue is that she’s just letting things unfold naturally, but it doesn’t feel trauma informed. I feel like if a client said this to me, I would note that as an integral part of our treatment plan. It’s so obvious to me that I’m frustrated that I even have to tell her this, and it makes me wonder if we’re just not a good fit. But I can’t tell if this is just my sensitivity to missattunements kicking in. Is this a valid request? Is it worth another conversation, or does it sound like my therapist isn’t a good fit for my needs?