u/Feisty_Natural2681

I've given up on everything and everyone. I'm barely surviving every day, sometimes I feel like I'm actually fine and that nothing is wrong with me, usually when I'm distracting myself from everything that's been going on. but once I stop and actually face reality, it hits me that nothing has really changed in the past six years. I've been the same way this whole time.

This feeling won't go away. Maybe it's always there and I just don't realize it. I don't even know what I'm trying to say, but sometimes I feel like I'm faking it and that nothing is actually wrong.What is wrong with me? Why am I this way? Why can't I be normal like everyone else?people tell me that nothing is wrong with me, but I don't think that's true. I don't feel fine. I'm never really fine.Can't I just live without constantly distracting myself? I don't want to stay busy all the time just to feel okay.

I'm 18F i feel like there's no point in living if I don't go to college, i live w a toxic mom who complains about everything I do for 24/7 it's so exhausting to be around her, I need to move away from here and my only way is college but even the low fees ones aren't affordable, my parents doesn't seem to care b my college education i already took a gap year can't take another gap year, I've lost all hopes i don't know what to do anymore.