u/Felinesaurus

My husband (M33) of 2 years is a very intelligent and charismatic man. Whenever we are out in the group, people usually seek him out for talks or advices. Naturally, this includes other women, and my husband sometimes meets up with them for 1 on 1 hangout. More often than not, I'm not friends or even acquaintance with these women.

I'm not an attractive woman, this has been made very clear by society. I can't help feeling like these women are always much better than I am, and I always feel absolutely horrible whenever my husband meets them. However, I'm fully aware of my self inflicted pain and will never tell my husband he cannot have private friendship just because of my insecurities. He deserves friends no matter what gender they are. My husband also made it very clear he would not stop hanging out with these people, even if I am uncomfortable. I also believe that he would not betray me, and I do not dislike any of the other woman; they have never - to my knowledge, made a move on my husband.

However, my insecurities have now evolved into toxic defence mechanism and I have found myself hoping he would just cheat, so we can just end it. I'm upset for days before and after he goes out, I count the hours when he leaves and if it's around midnight and he's still not home, I panic. I cannot handle more mental anguish over just being too insecure to deal with my husband having friendships with women. I'm on a long waitlist for therapy, but not sure how much longer I can hold on before I completely give up on my relationship, for no real reason. Is there any advice you can give, especially on unwarranted anxiety and insecurities in a relationship?

Tl;dr: Insecure about husband's hangout with female friends, how do I get better?

My husband (M33) of 2 years is a very intelligent and charismatic man. Whenever we are out in a group, people usually seek him out for talks or advices. Naturally, this includes other women, and my husband sometimes meets up with them for 1 on 1 hangout. More often than not, I'm not friends or even acquaintance with these women.

I'm not an attractive woman, this has been made very clear by society. I'm now 30 and have come to terms with it better, but I still can't help feeling like these women are always much better than I am, and I always feel absolutely horrible whenever my husband meets them. However, I'm fully aware of my self inflicted pain and will never tell my husband he cannot have private friendship just because of my insecurities. He deserves friends no matter what gender they are. My husband also made it very clear he would not stop hanging out with these people, even if I am uncomfortable. I also believe that he would not betray me, and I do not dislike any of the other woman; they have never - to my knowledge, made a move on my husband.

However, my insecurities have now evolved into toxic defence mechanism and I have found myself hoping he would just cheat, so we can just end it. I'm upset for days before and after he goes out, I count the hours when he leaves and if it's around midnight and he's still not home, I panic. I cannot handle more mental anguish over just being too insecure to deal with my husband having friendships with women. I'm on a long waitlist for therapy, but not sure how much longer I can hold on before I completely give up on my relationship, for no real reason. Is there any advice you can give, especially on unwarranted anxiety and insecurities in a relationship? Will this get better with age?