u/Few-Buyer4983

HOLYYYY FREAK I AM SO DOWN BAD

A few days ago I made a post on here detailing and all that jazz. Not even a week after I got off call with her and realized how much I want her in my future. It’s like a freight train of revelation just crashed into me. I didn’t even realize how much I was in denial. Holy freak, I was in so much denial you could rename three other rivers to that.

Enough of that, I just realized how freaking pretty she is. I can see literal stars in her eyes and I swear I can see them light up everytime I’m around her. I catch myself staring at her without realizing it because she’s so god dang pretty AUGH MY POOR GAY HEART WHY AM I LIKE THIS

AND SHES SO FRIGGING COOLLL AND CULTUREDDDD She gets like all of my references and bands, which is funny, she didn’t know any of them when we first met. It’s like she went out of her way to learn all of them, (hopeless dream that will never happen btw) but all of her interests are genuinely so cool and elite.

AND SHES SO KINDDDDDD She loves seeing my art work and writing pieces. She loves seeing me act too whenever we‘re in our acting program. Whenever I even mention being the slightest bit cold she hugs me to warm me up and istg whenever that happens the butterflies in my stomach turn into fireworks why am i so gay help. Just yesterday, I met with her in the library and before I left SHE KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK AND I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN.

I lost my aviator jacket a month ago and just a few days ago I see her wearing it. I don’t think I want to have it back I died two years ago in English class and this is heaven.

I called her beautiful to her face and she went silent for a few minutes I think I fumbled and she hates me. I think that calls for me to bury myself in a hole and cry. Never again I spoke out of turn.

MY YAP IS OVER BUT MY FEELINGS ARE NOT IM GENUINELY SO DOWN BAD AND THE PERSON I SCREAM TO ABOUT HER IS SO TIRED OF ME I THINK IM GONNA PRAY TO GOD THAT SHE LIKES ME BACK

HOLYYYY FREAK I AM SO DOWN BAD

A few days ago I made a post on here detailing and all that jazz. Not even a week after I got off call with her and realized how much I want her in my future. It’s like a freight train of revelation just crashed into me. I didn’t even realize how much I was in denial. Holy freak, I was in so much denial you could rename three other rivers to that.

Enough of that, I just realized how freaking pretty she is. I can see literal stars in her eyes and I swear I can see them light up everytime I’m around her. I catch myself staring at her without realizing it because she’s so god dang pretty AUGH MY POOR GAY HEART WHY AM I LIKE THIS

AND SHES SO FRIGGING COOLLL AND CULTUREDDDD She gets like all of my references and bands, which is funny, she didn’t know any of them when we first met. It’s like she went out of her way to learn all of them, (hopeless dream that will never happen btw) but all of her interests are genuinely so cool and elite.

AND SHES SO KINDDDDDD She loves seeing my art work and writing pieces. She loves seeing me act too whenever we‘re in our acting program. Whenever I even mention being the slightest bit cold she hugs me to warm me up and istg whenever that happens the butterflies in my stomach turn into fireworks why am i so gay help. Just yesterday, I met with her in the library and before I left SHE KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK AND I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN.

I lost my aviator jacket a month ago and just a few days ago I see her wearing it. I don’t think I want to have it back I died two years ago in English class and this is heaven.

I called her beautiful to her face and she went silent for a few minutes I think I fumbled and she hates me. I think that calls for me to bury myself in a hole and cry. Never again I spoke out of turn.

MY YAP IS OVER BUT MY FEELINGS ARE NOT IM GENUINELY SO DOWN BAD AND THE PERSON I SCREAM TO ABOUT HER IS SO TIRED OF ME I THINK IM GONNA PRAY TO GOD THAT SHE LIKES ME BACK

So this girl and I have been friends for about a year. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her, I wouldn’t want to spend this time with anyone else. We’ll call her Kes for the sake of making it easier for myself.

For context, we first met in a theatre program and have been hanging out ever since. We hold hands a lot, spend quality time, and generally do friend stuff. We kissed once, on accident, and I’ve been feeling something ever since. Maybe homophobia? She said she’s bi and I didn’t really care but maybe it could be that.

I remember one time Kes accidentally pinned me to the floor, I think it was only for a few seconds but I felt like to throw up after. I think it was something I ate, but I don’t remember what I ate that day.

She had a boyfriend when we initially met, but she broke up with him a few weeks after saying she was into someone else. She won’t tell me who, I feel like everyone in the theatre program knew except me.

She’s been really close with this other girl in the theatre program. Sometimes they go off alone together to tall, and every time Kes comes back she’s also blushing furiously or extremely flustered. She refuses to tell me and I’m extremely curious. Maybe they were flirting? I don’t know.

A few months back I mentioned once that my favorite band was the Crane Wives. She got me Crane Wives merch and I’m shocked that she even remembered that. She also watched AOT, my favorite anime, so she could talk to me more. Or at least that’s what she said.

Every time she leans on me I get this sickening feeling in my stomach. Am I homophobic? I don’t mind that she’s bi, but there’s no other explanation for that. People in my theatre program send strange looks at us, I think that they think that I must be homophobic.

I don’t think I’m a lesbian, but sometimes I wish I was a guy just so I could get with her. The way her eyes shine whenever she talks about something she likes. The way her face lights up whenever something piques her interest. How she runs and hugs me every time she sees me. She‘s so pretty, and I swear that there are literal stars in her eyes from how many times I’ve stared at her. She’s so kind, and absolutely gorgeous. Like drop-dead beautiful. I think I would date her if I was a guy, but maybe all friends think that. We’re close anyway.

I‘m genuinely confused. She probably doesn’t like me, but I’m just coming here to confirm that she doesn’t. Any advice or answer? I want to know.