u/Few-Personality4281

I was diagnosed level 1 autistic at 21. I have times throughout almost every day where I have trouble speaking. it’s like there are words stuck, almost as if my mouth won’t work with my brain. usually it’s worse when im tired/stressed. ive had this all my life but the older I get the more it upsets and confuses people, I guess because I can’t be a ”shy teenager” anymore or what not. I tell people i‘m close with about it and try to explain, but I can tell they think it isn’t even real, or like it’s my choice not to speak. I am an adult and have had my own parents say things like “well if you don’t say it out loud we can’t go to the store” as an example when I ask to go through text (i am grateful they take me to the grocery store often as I am particular about what I eat so I already feel bad enough relying on them for that.) I just wish there was somehow a way to explain it to people who don’t understand… has anyone else experienced something similar?

I live with my parents but I’m an adult. they always have guests over like 4 days a week, and I end up hiding in my room not eating forever because I’m too scared to make my safe foods with guests. I really hate people watching me prepare any food. for ex I eat fruit and always weigh it out in a bowl, and I feel terrified any time anyone sees me do this that isn’t my parents. my ed isn’t as bad anymore as long as I eat my safe foods I can usually eat enough to remain healthy. but the days people are over I just get so nauseous from waiting to the point it’s hard to eat anything after they leave. does anyone else deal with this?? It makes me feel super crazy, like why am I paranoid over this. I try to tell myself that I never judge what others are eating but it doesn’t really help because people can be mean…