u/Few_Replacement9705

Long story I suppose but I’ll do my best to keep it short. My (ex) husband and I were together from 2013-2022. The entire time there was some fracturing things. Physical, emotional abuse, as well as his major addiction to porn. He would have every reason not to be with me and go get himself off. It was to the point he was doing it at his job in the restrooms. He even took a magazine at a Walmart to the bathroom and used a urinal for that.

Our relationship was just..broken. I didn’t feel loved, wanted or respected. I felt like last place to a million bodies. I confronted him in 2014 where he compared me physically, blamed me and he went through a spiral of withdrawal and went right back to it. At that point I just withered into myself. It wasn’t worth him hitting me. I just became comfortable with my reality ànd I lost love for him. Like I HAVE love for him. Even now, as weird as it is. But I can’t say I’m in love with him. Though I don’t know if I know what love is anymore.

When I kicked him out in 22 he took a court approved anger management course but was still hell bent on getting me to take responsibility for why we shattered. But here’s my confession time. August 22’ I started getting close with other people. Trying to redefine myself. Find me. I got a lot of positive attention. Conversations that seemed nice. Inside that circle was the brother of a friend whose smile I realized caught my attention. I hadn’t ever looked anybodies way my entire marriage even with his behavior.

I started to find his voice attractive, his overall self I just really got swept up in hiw cute I thought he was. He called me beautiful one day just in a passing greet “hey there beautiful” ànd people were telling me he was telling others he had feelings for me. So I knew it was mutual. I tried to stuff it down but in my wounded heart I was pretty damn smitten. School girl crushed in such a pathetic way.

We started texting all the time. Very complimentary. When I told him my story he was a comforting ear. Said all the right things. I knew this was considered an emotional affair. It was nice to not feel so lonely. By October ‘22 things had shifted. He (my husband) got physical again so I made him leave. But I ask myself would I have if I didn’t have feelings for someone else.

But eventually the “perfect guy” proved not to be perfect. Which felt almost like karma. Like I had brought this on myself for cheating in my heart. Mr perfect was heavy into porn too. Paying a bunch on Onlyfans, Fansly. Told me he didn’t agree with sharing bank accounts or anything. Found some major hygiene issues which I was surprised to discover honestly. It was like everything he said when I met him was all a lie. His excuse “people change.” But eventually I found out he intended to just fuck me and ditch. Correction if it was good fuck me a few times thén ditch!

I felt like a fool. Im this old ànd falling for lies?! How could I be that gullible. Whats more pathetic is several times I found myself missing the predictability in my old life. My husband never complained about sharing our finances. We had one bank, always discussed money. I was never made to feel like things weren’t mine. He just had anger issues and wouldn’t lay off the porn. It felt like I traded in a problem and got MORE problems.

So I sit here alone telling myself one day it will get better. I never want to even consider dating again because it all just seems pointless in the end. I know I deserved it but it sucks. It’s 2026 and I feel stuck. No idea what path to take.

My husband and I were/are in the process of buying a house. Needless to say it’s been a stressful uphill battle. A house we almost had got basically outbid for as someone came along and offered more. So we have had to go through this whole recertification process for different loan types for other properties and it’s been an ordeal.

But now it’s crept into too close to our apartments renewal date. Before we had it perfectly lined up. Now they’ve requested more information In hopes to get a better deal since apparently deals change over time. I’ll start off by saying my husband works. Lately hes been working a lot. A coupe times this week he was stuck in some double shifts. Which suck for sure. I got him some food between shifts because I don’t like him going without.

But I’ve been asking him for weeks to get these financial papers. Several things the loan company want from him specifically that I can’t access without him. So it’s not like I can just go do it for him. Today he wasn’t working a double and immediately he wanted to play video games. I asked him if he could fill out the stuff first. He started telling me he would rather go to bed then. That I’m being disrespectful and not more appreciative of the fact he has worked himself to death to pay the bills.

That he wanted to enjoy his hobbies and some down time with me instead of me hounding him to fill out papers he doesn’t want to. Our lease ends on the 17th we could end up trapped in another year lease. I told him I feel like he doesn’t care about the time limit we are under right now. He is treating me like I’m not respectful of his time. He just needed to set aside not even 30-60minutes to give them what they want but that’s asking too much because he doesn’t want to have to.

I feel angry about it. After he uploaded some of the stuff because he apparently forgot to get other things they asked for ( that was also my fault because he said I didn’t remind him even though ive mentioned it so many times.) But he uploaded what he had and told me he was too irritated with me now so he didn’t want to play any video games with me. He said if anything hed rather play something I couldnt.

I feel so disrespected and I don’t even know how to move past it AITA? He doesn’t seem to care about this the way I do. Any advice or insights?

Update: he is still on me this morning saying I was disrespectful of his time asking him to fill out paperwork before video games.