My GC brother reached out after almost 4 years of no contact (I went NC with my mother - my father and three siblings all chose my mother). The last time my brother contacted me, it was to tell me he was going to “take time away from me” and not to contact him until I was ready to resume contact with my mother. He also sent me that message on my daughter’s 3rd Birthday and didn’t even know it was her birthday - which says a lot about the kind of uncle he is/was. I was always most devastated that he “broke up with me and my kids” on my daughter’s Birthday and the fact that he didn’t even know/realise it.
Fast forward to now without a single word of communication. I happened to go on his Instagram stories to see if he was at a family wedding that was happening last week. He noticed me on his Instagram and messaged: “Hello, how are you? Might give you a call in next few days if you’re open to it?”.
To which I replied:
“Nothing has changed for me regarding (our Mother) - I wish her well but I don’t want her in my life or my children’s life. My understanding was you (my brother) were “taking some time away” and didn’t want me to message you unless it was to talk about (our Mother)?
His reply:
“Understood. I thought the instagram follow might have been a sign that you had done some personal growth and matured emotionally. And maybe you were interested in not compromising the lives of your children who don’t get to see their grandparents, cousins or uncles aunties. But I guess not. Your kids are going to be adults one day, and they are going to wonder why their mother prevented them from having any access to their family. It’s not just your family, it’s their family too. I’m sorry to lay it out this bluntly but if you get the opportunity to get over yourself, and remove your ego from this situation, a lot of people would benefit, including you.”
I have been in professional therapy for the past 6 years and have PTSD after having my own children and remembering the abusive childhood I had with my narcissistic/bipolar/alcoholic mother. With my therapists support I have built a loving, nurturing family of my own and have a beautiful husband, 2 children and the love and support of my husbands family (so my children have those grandparents and an aunty/uncle/cousins on my husbands side). I also live in a different country far away from my home country. I always said my issue was with my mother and said I wanted to continue to have a relationship with my father and siblings but they all said they didn’t want a relationship with me or my kids until I “resolved” my issues with my mother, hence no contact from them for the past 4-5 years. What should I say in my reply to his message above?
Note: I speak with my children (now 7&9) regularly about why we don’t see my side of the family (in kid friendly terms) so they know what’s happening and why.