u/Fickle-Wealth-1329

Today was my last day as a junior in high school and i started thinking about being a senior. I started to think about how all the people I am friends with smoke weed, have sex, do other teenage things. Meanwhile i’m just a chud who sleeps all day. I know i’m not the only 17 year old who’s a virgin and shit but I feel like i’m missing out. My mom encourages me to go out and do stuff with my friend and get into trouble.

None of that stuff seemed interesting until now. so know here I am sitting in bed wishing I wasn’t a scaredy-cat. I have NO game when it comes to guys/girls (i’ve had one boyfriend and the most we did was makeout), i think’d I would feel SO guilty if i smoked weed that id probably tell my mom. I know if I want to do it then I have to actually talk to people. But i live in a small town in the midwest and every body sucks except for two people. Even then, Its hard for me to make and keep friends cause I put people off. (I’m loud, opinionated, etc.)

my mom tells me stories of what she was doing at my age and talks about how she’s glad I don’t do that. Little does she know i really want to. The only thing holding me back is the fact I just stay home all day watching tv and scrolling on tiktok. I have like 106 days until I graduate high school and I have had no peak highschool experience.

Over the past year I’ve made myself throw up about once a month maybe more. It started out as my stomach hurts, i’m bloated and nauseated, and just wanted to get rid of the feeling. But now i feel like im doing it more often. I don’t think i have an eating disorder because i know im not overweight and I dont want to lose weight. But i have a bad habit of either eating so much food i feel sick or not eating near enough. I just hate the feeling of being bloated. I was seeing a therapist for separate issues but i got better so i stopped seeing her. I want to start seeing her again but don’t know how to tell my mom. I’m scared if i tell my therapist, that she’ll tell my mom and then it’ll become a big thing. I’m really conflicted.